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Clips from Parks and Recreation (2009) - Emergency Response (S05E05)

"the lot could become a Paunch Burger."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Doesn't that offend your refined Parisian sensibilities?"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"If it was another French restaurant, maybe I'd worry."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Hey! Well, you know what?"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"What you got for me? Get out of my kitchen!"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Oh! Leslie, you on the TV!"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Well, you're on mine, Brett."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"- We're having a video conference. - Oh, okay."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"- Tight. - No, this is bad news."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
""Kill all birds.""
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"- This is for the drill, right? - Yes."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"But I'm actually gonna kill these birds for real?"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"No. No, just pretend."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Right. So how do I kill 'em-- like, with a gun?"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"No."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Got it. Kill 'em."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Okay, casualty update-- only four dead,"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"two of whom were already gravely ill and brothers."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Well, that's great news."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Not so fast. I regret to inform you"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"that someone in this room has begun exhibiting symptoms--"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"- Christopher Traeger. - What?"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"A few months ago, the thought of an infectious disease,"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"even hypothetical, would have sent me"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"careening towards Bummerville,"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"and I feel fine."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Therapy!"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"This is highly irregular."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"We have followed protocol to the letter."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Unfortunately, no one contacted the transit department"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"to shut down bus service."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"So you rode a bus with a contagious man,"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"and he infected you and 39 others."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"That is impossible. I do not ride the bus."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Doesn't matter. Prepare for the diarrhea."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Okay, who was supposed to deal with Transit?"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Damn it, Jamm."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"I should've had animal control kill you."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"- Oh, who you want me to kill? - No one."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"As soon as I'm done with these birds."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Hello."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"I'm here for the interview about tonight's gala."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Yeah, listen, I'm a little under the weather."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"I went on a booze cruise last week."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"It just finished up an hour ago."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"- I'm sorry to hear that. - Yeah."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"The show must go on. In five, four, three..."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Two..."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Hello. I'm Joan Callamezzo."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Today's show will not go on."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"I am here to tell you about a black-tie gala fund-raiser for Pawnee Commons"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"happening tonight."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"All proceeds will go toward building a park."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Take a-- take a phone call."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Now I will take your calls, apparently."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Yes?"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Hey, Joan, settle a bet for me."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Who's the sexiest couple in history?"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"How are you?"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Ron who? Ron Swanson? On television?"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Donna still can't find any chairs."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"We don't know where Jerry is."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"And now some firemen are using"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"the lot as a triage center for the emergency drill."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Okay, here's what you do. Listen to me caref--"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Attention. Panic from the outbreak has overloaded cell phone towers."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Please deposit your phones into this box."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Oh, my God, this drill will never end."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"To set up triage at the high school..."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"but I'm talking to someone important."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"- All phones. - Let me tell him something important."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"- Fix it, Ben! Fix it! - Okay."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"What?"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"I found one chair, got a lead on a second."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"So this test will determine"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"whether you have the right personality profile"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Just to make sure the machine is working,"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"is your name Andy?"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"I don't know how to answer that."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"- A simple "yes" or "no." - Well, everyone calls me Andy,"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"so..."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Let's move on."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Scenario-- a high-school-aged child"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"asks to hold your service revolver."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"What do you do?"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"To make that dream come true for another kid-- well,"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"that's what being a cop is all about."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Scenario--you pull a car over for speeding."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"- How do you handle the situation? - Ooh."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Well, first, I would be like,"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
""Dad..."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
""You're alive? What the hell?"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Also, do you know where my catcher's mitt is?""
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Shouldn't you be taking her to lie down somewhere?"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"we'd all be fired."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Three, two..."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Hello, again."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"I'm Ron Swanson,"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"and I am still taking your calls--"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"hopefully, about tonight's gala."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"You're on the air."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"which she is pretending is allergies."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Is she gonna be okay?"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Wouldn't know-- never been hungover."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"After I've had too much whiskey,"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"I cook myself a large flank steak, pan-fried in salted butter."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"and go to sleep."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"- That works? - It does."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Please call now if you have questions about tonight's gala"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"or one of my other interests--"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
""I, Chris Traeger, after several sustained hours of diarrhea,"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
""followed by even more diarrhea,"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"have succumbed to the avian flu.""
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"I'm dead."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"I got to say, Leonard, it kind of feels"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"like you're putting us through the ringer here."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Can you us an idea how long this is gonna take?"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Are all state emergency drills this intensive?"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Oh, no, hardly ever. Councilman Jamm requested it."
Parks and Recreation (2009)
"Oh, really?"
Parks and Recreation (2009)
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