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Clips from Silicon Valley - The Uptick (S03E03)

"I think I have a bottle of Cold Duck in the crisper."
Silicon Valley
"I got a bottle of Martinelli's for you, Jared."
Silicon Valley
"We did it! Yes!"
Silicon Valley
"And I have a hanging tag"
Silicon Valley
"Okay."
Silicon Valley
"Hey, Dinesh."
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"I'm just, um, looking for Erlich. Have you seen him?"
Silicon Valley
"Oh, he went to the liquor store."
Silicon Valley
"Oh yeah. Yeah, Series B. Crazy, right?"
Silicon Valley
"Almost like some of our users."
Silicon Valley
"What?"
Silicon Valley
"What... what does that mean?"
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"Oh, unreal has so many meanings."
Silicon Valley
"All right, Dinesh, um..."
Silicon Valley
"Okay then. Great."
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"I won't tell you anything because nothing happened."
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"Okay."
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"the fact remains"
Silicon Valley
"that leaves us in a very advantageous position."
Silicon Valley
"There's a lot of money on the table."
Silicon Valley
"And it would be a shame if that went away."
Silicon Valley
"You know what else would be a shame..."
Silicon Valley
"is if I couldn't find my flash drive."
Silicon Valley
"Right, the one with the zombie script on it?"
Silicon Valley
"You mean so that"
Silicon Valley
"fake users and click farms would be"
Silicon Valley
"absolutely indistinguishable from real users?"
Silicon Valley
"Oh, I suppose."
Silicon Valley
"I mean, especially during due diligence,"
Silicon Valley
"like the kind done by VCs or possible future reviews"
Silicon Valley
"Anyway, Gilfoyle, have you seen it?"
Silicon Valley
"I have not."
Silicon Valley
"Mm, well, Richard, keep an eye out for it, will ya?"
Silicon Valley
"- get a new flash drive on www.staples.com? - Yeah, I think"
Silicon Valley
"- we're sort of done with the ruse. - Okay."
Silicon Valley
"or didn't do, that was serial-killer-level shit."
Silicon Valley
"Agreed."
Silicon Valley
"I think I finally respect you as a CEO."
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"This is fraud."
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"Is it?"
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"I mean, our... our platform does exactly what we say it does."
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"Okay? It's not like we're lying about it"
Silicon Valley
"like fucking Theranos."
Silicon Valley
"And if our platform works, which we know it will,"
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"Everybody wins, Jared."
Silicon Valley
"You still believe that, right?"
Silicon Valley
"That, if given enough time, the platform will catch on?"
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"Your faith made all this possible."
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"It's wrong."
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"Well, every time I try to do the right thing, I get fucked."
Silicon Valley
"And if I do the right thing here,"
Silicon Valley
"we're done. That's it."
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"Deng, they're all just so good."
Silicon Valley
"I'm finishing a story I'd love a comment on."
Silicon Valley
"It's about the death of an unpermitted Indian elephant"
Silicon Valley
"named Maurice in your sculpture garden and its subsequent"
Silicon Valley
"Mm, I have a very good source."
Silicon Valley
"What do you propose we do here?"
Silicon Valley
"Well, I have one idea."
Silicon Valley
"And what, pray tell, might that be?"
Silicon Valley
"CJ sold the blog for $2 million."
Silicon Valley
"No shit."
Silicon Valley
"Bachmanity rides again."
Silicon Valley
"Well, not exactly. Uh, I called Big Head"
Silicon Valley
"to tell him that our share was worth half a mil each,"
Silicon Valley
"and, uh, not five minutes later,"
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"his father, one Nelson Bighetti, Sr.,"
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"called me and explained that I was never to have"
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"any financial dealings with his son"
Silicon Valley
"in perpetuity, uh, ever"
Silicon Valley
"or he would get very Italian on me."
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"And I'm not interested"
Silicon Valley
"Okay. Shall we?"
Silicon Valley
"Good luck, fellas."
Silicon Valley
"Remember, you just sit there and look pretty."
Silicon Valley
"then, uh, don't make it overt, like I told you to."
Silicon Valley
"Uh..."
Silicon Valley
"- Why are you whispering? - Uh... Um..."
Silicon Valley
"Oh, my god, you're there right now, aren't you?"
Silicon Valley
"Jesus! Do you have any idea"
Silicon Valley
"how big of an asshole you're making me look here?"
Silicon Valley
"Laurie just lost her shit at me, okay?"
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"You're the fucking CEO, Richard!"
Silicon Valley
"Whatever your company does is 100% on you!"
Silicon Valley
"- They're ready for you. - Oh."
Silicon Valley
"right at this inflection point."
Silicon Valley
"We are pumped as well. Aren't we, Richard?"
Silicon Valley
"- We are pumped up. - Pumped up. Mm-hmm."
Silicon Valley
"So we'll just need your John Hancock right here."
Silicon Valley
"Oh. Uh..."
Silicon Valley
"this is an actual term sheet."
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"And once I sign this... this, that's it, right?"
Silicon Valley
"Yup. No turning back."
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"You can have your lawyers vet"
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"the actual stock purchase agreement"
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"once we close here just to make sure"
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"no one is pulling any funny business."
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"Oh, my god. I, uh..."
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"Wow, I can't believe I didn't think of this"
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"before, um, because,"
Silicon Valley
"well, let me put it to you this way."
Silicon Valley
"the same compression that you know and love"
Silicon Valley
"is being used in a world-beating,"
Silicon Valley
"video conferencing application?"
Silicon Valley
"Wouldn't that be interesting?"
Silicon Valley
"- What? - You mean like Hooli-Chat?"
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"why don't I just go home, I'll grab my laptop,"
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"I'll come back here, I'll show it to you guys."
Silicon Valley
"- I'll tell you what, I'll grab an Uber. - Richard, what..."
Silicon Valley
"- Richard, what the fuck are you doing? - There. I've ordered it."
Silicon Valley
"I don't know who else you're talking to about the platform,"
Silicon Valley
"Okay? But that's it. You sign this thing right here and right now."
Silicon Valley
"Now sign it."
Silicon Valley
"I just... I just want to make sure that you're aware of all the feedback"
Silicon Valley
"'cause we had some focus groups and there were some issues."
Silicon Valley
"Zero K used? Where's the download button?"
Silicon Valley
"- The terminator... - All right, all right, you know what?"
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"'Cause it..."
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"I'm gonna sign it. Can I sign it? I'll sign it."
Silicon Valley
"That's two years of runway."
Silicon Valley
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