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Clips from Louie (2010) - God (S01E01)

"Louie, Louie, Louie, Louie"
Louie (2010)
"You gotta be kidding me. Jesus."
Louie (2010)
"Hey, were--"
Louie (2010)
"Why would you do that?"
Louie (2010)
"If there is a God, then that dude is an asshole..."
Louie (2010)
"And God would just, once in a while, he'd just bother one of them."
Louie (2010)
"And Abraham is like, "Dude, what is up, what is up?""
Louie (2010)
"And God goes, "Kill your son. Dude, kill your son.""
Louie (2010)
"You don't love me. Do it.""
Louie (2010)
"Goes like this. God shows up right before he does it..."
Louie (2010)
"...goes, "Hey, what are you doing?""
Louie (2010)
"What is wrong with you?""
Louie (2010)
"And he's like.... Ahh. Ahh."
Louie (2010)
"And he just went home feeling like a piece of shit."
Louie (2010)
""What the **** do you want from me?""
Louie (2010)
"And so Pontius Pilate..."
Louie (2010)
"They tied our Lord to a post and whipped him on his back..."
Louie (2010)
"Who finds this funny?"
Louie (2010)
"Who is amused at the suffering of Christ..."
Louie (2010)
"...who sacrificed his life for your sins?"
Louie (2010)
"Good morning. Settling down, please."
Louie (2010)
"...the nature of the sacrifice suffered by our Lord..."
Louie (2010)
"Yes?"
Louie (2010)
"You mean like we're in the FBI?"
Louie (2010)
"Let's start with the scourge."
Louie (2010)
"Um...."
Louie (2010)
"You can be our Jesus Christ."
Louie (2010)
"Ah, yes, you're a strong boy."
Louie (2010)
"...he's tied to a post..."
Louie (2010)
"It's called a flagellum."
Louie (2010)
"And a centurion, a man of peak physical strength..."
Louie (2010)
"Then the skin of the back sags off..."
Louie (2010)
"...and they take a crown of thorns and they put it on his head."
Louie (2010)
"...is then ripped off and the pain from this explodes in his brain."
Louie (2010)
"...Jesus Christ, age 33, is laid back on the cross."
Louie (2010)
"Here. Another nail is driven into the arch of each foot."
Louie (2010)
"And the compressed heart is struggling to pump thick, heavy..."
Louie (2010)
"...sluggish blood to the tissues."
Louie (2010)
"The body of Jesus..."
Louie (2010)
"...is now in extremis."
Louie (2010)
"He can feel..."
Louie (2010)
"Do you now know how the Lord suffered?"
Louie (2010)
"Yes? Then show me."
Louie (2010)
"Drive the nail in."
Louie (2010)
"You can't do it? Well, then why'd you do it to him?"
Louie (2010)
"You love him before the Lord?"
Louie (2010)
"Go ahead. Nail him in."
Louie (2010)
"Nail him in."
Louie (2010)
"Me neither."
Louie (2010)
"But I did, I did it."
Louie (2010)
"It's all my fault. I'm sorry."
Louie (2010)
"I did it. I'm sorry."
Louie (2010)
"I don't know what's gotten into him."
Louie (2010)
"He's been acting so strange the last few days."
Louie (2010)
"He really shouldn't have done that."
Louie (2010)
"I was scared."
Louie (2010)
"Scared of what?"
Louie (2010)
"I did that to Jesus."
Louie (2010)
"I did that to him, Mom."
Louie (2010)
"Louie, look at me."
Louie (2010)
"Eh-- You had nothing to do with that man being hurt."
Louie (2010)
"But I'm bad and I sin."
Louie (2010)
"Listen to me, I am telling you this. You're a good kid."
Louie (2010)
"...because I'm not done raising you, and it's not okay..."
Louie (2010)
"But you are a good person."
Louie (2010)
"The whole thing, it's a bunch of malarkey."
Louie (2010)
"So you don't believe in any of this?"
Louie (2010)
"...just because I don't have religion, not to give it to you."
Louie (2010)
"You might want it someday."
Louie (2010)
"Well, it's fine, you don't have to."
Louie (2010)
"So there's no God?"
Louie (2010)
"I don't know, I don't know, Louie, I don't."
Louie (2010)
"All I know is that you have to be good to people..."
Louie (2010)
"Okay, nobody's gonna watch if you're good but yourself."
Louie (2010)
"Wow. Yeah."
Louie (2010)
"But don't say the dude's name with a shitty attitude."
Louie (2010)
"...in a big moment before Jesus?"
Louie (2010)
"How much would you give me if I take a shit on those people's doorstep..."
Louie (2010)
"...right now? What? Nothing."
Louie (2010)
"I'm not giving you anything."
Louie (2010)
"I have a pencil."
Louie (2010)
"Hey, hey."
Louie (2010)
"What? Oh, I'm sorry. Were you gonna go?"
Louie (2010)
"No."
Louie (2010)
"Are you seriously gonna put your penis in there?"
Louie (2010)
"Sure."
Louie (2010)
"Heaven. It says it right there."
Louie (2010)
"Have you done that before? No."
Louie (2010)
"Then what--? How do you know something terrible is not gonna happen to you?"
Louie (2010)
"I don't know. You gotta have faith."
Louie (2010)
"There was only like eight guys then."
Louie (2010)
"...God went to Abraham's house."
Louie (2010)
"He's like, "Abraham! Abraham! Wake up, man.""
Louie (2010)
""I don't know his name, just kill him. Just kill him!"
Louie (2010)
"Aah!"
Louie (2010)
"Ooh, I'm God, kill him.""
Louie (2010)
"But okay, fine.""
Louie (2010)
"He could have just killed him in his sleep, pfft, and go back to sleep."
Louie (2010)
"Kid's like, "Daddy, what are we doing?""
Louie (2010)
""I don't know, just gonna murder you.""
Louie (2010)
"This is in the Bible, I swear to God."
Louie (2010)
"Isaac-- And Abraham goes, "I'm killing Isaac.""
Louie (2010)
"And then God's like, "Why would you--? That's your kid."
Louie (2010)
"That God is like a shitty girlfriend."
Louie (2010)
"...sentenced the Jesus to be scourged and crucified."
Louie (2010)
"...tearing at his skin, and a crown of thorns was put on his--"
Louie (2010)
"Who?"
Louie (2010)
"Sister Carson?"
Louie (2010)
"If Jesus sacrificed his life for my sins, isn't it a waste unless I sin a lot?"
Louie (2010)
"Tomorrow you'll know."
Louie (2010)
"That's it for today."
Louie (2010)
"Since I have obviously failed to illustrate for you..."
Louie (2010)
"This is Dr. Haverford."
Louie (2010)
"Today we will examine the scourge and crucifixion of Christ..."
Louie (2010)
"...from a medical point of view."
Louie (2010)
"I will walk you through the brutal punishment to his body."
Louie (2010)
"And will discuss the damage to the tissues of his body."
Louie (2010)
"That man? Brutally beaten and murdered."
Louie (2010)
"And we're the FBI."
Louie (2010)
"The subject is 33 years old..."
Louie (2010)
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