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Clips from Arrested Development - Hand to God (S02E02)

"- [Both] Oh. - Did you mean Maeby?"
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"Yeah. And we know where she is."
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"She's with her debate club, and they're on their way to Sacremende for the semifinals."
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"And a Google search of the word "Sacremende"only came up with this."
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"for the film studio where she'd bluffed her way into a job."
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"What on earth is taking so long?"
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"Am I the only one who wants to get home and see their kids?"
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"All I'm saying is that Maggie claims that no one else is involved."
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"But what if she's lying again and there is someone else involved?"
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"You know, a boyfriend, a husband."
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"Someone that got dumped when something better came along."
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"and see if you can find some, uh-"
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"Way out of this for you? I don't think so."
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"No, I was gonna say, find some evidence of who the father is, but forget it."
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"I'll find somebody who wants an adventure."
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"[Whispering] George Michael, how would you like to get away from Uncle Buster?"
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"[Narrator] And so, with his son's help, Michael went to Maggie's..."
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"to find some evidence of another man."
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"It's another Bluth Boy adventure. We're like a team."
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"- We're like Red McGibbon and Bullet. - Who?"
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"They're this old, uh- Never mind. Okay, listen."
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"- You mean you're not going in with me? - Hmm? No."
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"I can't fit through that doggy door."
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"Okay, I got a phone number. Let's go. Drive."
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"- It was taped to the door. - It's probably the Sparkletts guy."
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"- Everything all right? - Yes, Officer."
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"- Just waiting to see if Maggie's home. - Oh."
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"I was making sure there wasn't another break-in."
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"Everything's gonna be just fine."
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"Close call there, Bullet. I'm so sorry about that."
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"But listen, I think- I think that you do have something here with this phone number."
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""Really eager to hear from you.""
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"You know, that's something a guy would say if he was the father of her child..."
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"and the mother stopped calling 'cause she found a really good guy."
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"I think this is him. I'm gettin' that vibe. We're havin' some fun, aren't we?"
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"I'm really sorry about that."
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"- I'll pay you handsomely. - [Meowing]"
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"[Narrator] In fact, the skipper had already rented his boat to be shot in Maeby's film."
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"- So neither he nor Gob were prepared... - [Screaming]"
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"- for the challenges of using cats to catch a seal. - [Cat Howling]"
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"- God! It's like herding cats. - [Cat Screeches]"
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"Here's your kitty cat. Aah! Fine!"
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"Why are there cats in the shot?"
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"This is the camera boat. Can you lose the- [Bleeps] cats, please?"
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"Maeby?"
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"[Narrator] And Michael traced the phone number he found on the note to an address."
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"Thank you, Mr. Parmesan. Okay."
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"In there is the father of the child that Maggie wants me to help her raise."
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"And he probably doesn't know that she's got another man involved."
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"So I want you to stay here and enjoy the adventure from the car."
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"This one could get a little ugly."
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"- [Knocking] - [Pop Rock]"
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"Oh, come on. Is this your phone number?"
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"Hey, I told you at the bar. I left that on Maggie's door."
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"And why are you hangin' around Maggie's house, anyway?"
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"L- I'm sorry. I'm in this crazy relationship."
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"She wants me to raise this child with her because there's no father."
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"- No father? - I thought I'd come here-"
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"- I'm making gravy. - That bitch is gonna keep our child."
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"Hot cops [Hisses] Hot"
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"[Narrator] Michael had tracked down the couple who'd hired Maggie to carry their child."
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"- So that's why you guys are staking out her house. - She hasn't returned our calls."
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"- There's something about her I just don't trust. - I'll say."
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"She said she doesn't know who the father is."
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"In a funny way, neither do we. Wejust gave her a mixed cocktail."
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"- Two parts Taylor. - Two parts Carter."
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"And let her do her thing."
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"We decided we never want to know which of us is the real father."
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"Well, why should you?"
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"I just hope you find out which one of you can breast-feed. [Chuckles]"
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"Andjust because we don't have breasts does not mean we cannot nourish our child."
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"I don't want you guys to worry about getting that child back from Maggie..."
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"because I'm gonna help you."
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"Wow. What a... good guy."
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"I know. And for once, I'm one lie ahead of Maggie Lizer's lies."
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"[Narrator] In fact, Michael was one lie behind her."
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"And what if I told you that Loretta was not fat..."
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"in a very cheap fat suit?"
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"What, do you think I'm kidding? Huh?"
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"- What are you doing? - Okay, so she's fat."
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"- Your Honor, this is an outrage! - Wow. Did I lose this one."
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"Mr. Zuckerkorn, you've been warned about touching."
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"- You said spanking. - I want this case thrown out immediately."
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"- Oh, no! My water just broke! - Quickly, Your Honor. Quickly throw it out."
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"[Narrator] but was carrying the child that Maggie was supposed to."
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"You see, it was Loretta's urine that Tobias and Lindsay ended up testing..."
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"a fact they missed when they were making out in the shower."
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"All right, this is goin' back."
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"[Narrator] But soon upgraded to a higher-quality latex model."
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"- Is there a doctor in the house? - Oh, my God! My water broke too!"
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"I'm in labor!"
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"[Narrator] Maggie wasn't, but had no choice but to pretend to deliver at the same time."
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"I think I'm responsible for Buster's hand."
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"Yeah, and I'm responsible for an $80-million movie without an ending."
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"I know those problems seem big when you're a kid, Maeby."
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"Look, this is kind of weird advice for me to be giving..."
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"but why don't you just tell him the truth?"
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"Thanks, Maeby."
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"Okay, now I'm just lying for no reason."
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"[Narrator] And Michael arrived at the courthouse..."
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"And if you need to take another hand to make that happen..."
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"[Narrator] It was at that exact moment that Buster did forget he'd lost his hand."
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"Oh! No, stop it, stop it, stop it!"
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"Oh, you caught my tendon in your claw!"
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"My claw? Aw, God! [Hysterical Whimpering]"
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"I'm a monster!"
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"No! [Screams] [Bleeps]"
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"Buster!"
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"Hi. There's something you need to know."
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"It was my fault. It was my seal."
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"Wow. Truth feels good. [Chuckling]"
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"- You did this to me? - Yeah."
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"[Narrator] And Gob was about to experience something that didn't feel that good."
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"- [Screaming] - No, Buster! Oh!"
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"Michael, meanwhile, notified the policemen that Maggie was in the hospital."
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"- I will meet you there. - We're on our way."
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"I'm getting goose bumps."
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"As far as I know, she's already had the kid, okay?"
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"We're havin' some adventure though, huh? You can't say we're not havin' fun."
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"Don't smoke, sonny."
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