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Clips from What We Do in the Shadows - The Return (S02E02)

"-NADJA: Idiot. -LASZLO: Where are you, Simon?"
What We Do in the Shadows
"-NADJA: Hello? -LASZLO: Be you vampire?"
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"Slayer."
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"Don't call me that."
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"(shouting)"
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"Slayer."
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"(screams)"
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"Slayer..."
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"(shushes)"
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"(grunts)"
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"(wails)"
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"I don't feel good about that."
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"Something bad's gonna happen, isn't it?"
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"(shrieks)"
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"It's just me, Guillermo."
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"Hello, sir."
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"I heard a horrible feminine shrieking."
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"-Were you having a nightmare? -You could say that."
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"Uh-- Guillermo, why is there all this dust on the floor"
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"in the shape of a body?"
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"Were you trying to make a girlfriend out of dust?"
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"-No, the vacuum broke and... -It is a very messy but cool idea."
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"Reminds me of Carol."
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"You know, how she's kind of like that shape and that smell..."
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"Guillermo?"
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"Did you kill Carol?"
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"(crying): It was an accident. I'm sorry, sir."
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"Oh, no. You killed a vampire."
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"That's very frowned upon amongst the vampire community."
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"-Is it? -Yes."
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"Simon's not going to like the fact"
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"that you've killed one of his crew."
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"-He's only got a little crew. -I know. I know."
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"You must not say anything about this to anyone, understand?"
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"-I won't. -Because it reflects badly on me,"
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"-and you will be killed. -Okay, then I definitely won't."
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"All right... vampire killer."
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"(sobs)"
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"Only joking. Clean it up."
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"You got it, sir."
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"(sneezes, coughing)"
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"I searched his name, I didn't get much."
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"(grunts)"
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"But I found his eBay profile. He used his actual e-mail."
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"Hacked that and I found some photos."
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"One of which had a Pennsylvania watermark."
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"So I traced that back to another account."
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"Found his actual location,"
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"an Internet café in Medford, Massachusetts."
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"Rookie mistake."
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"Also, he did DM me,"
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"saying he wanted to kick my ass and gave me his address."
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"So another rookie mistake."
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"Waiting on my driver now."
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"-Hello. -Hey."
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"Mind if I sit up front?"
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"And that's why you have to be careful on the Internet."
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"There's creeps out there that'll find out where you live."
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"I mean, you really need to encrypt everything."
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"Okay, I'm gonna speed up."
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"SIMON: House meeting."
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"-To the foyer. House meeting. -House meeting?"
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"LASZLO: The fuck does he think he is?"
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"-NADJA: No, it's night. -It's not his house."
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"Ah, yes, thank you all for coming to the house meeting."
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"I wanted to say thank you, for staying here has replenished"
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"my heart and my soul and my body."
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"And I am forever grateful to all of you for your hospitality."
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"But onto some more difficult news."
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"Carol has gone missing."
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"She seems to have slipped away in the dead of night,"
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"abandoning me..."
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"-NADJA: Oh, no. -...like so many others have."
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"Guillermo?"
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"-Hmm? -You seem relieved."
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"GUILLERMO: Hmm?"
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"I think I know why you are relieved."
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"Why?"
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"Because Carol..."
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"wanted to eat you. (laughs)"
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"(chuckles) That's so flattering."
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"She really did not like you."
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"I don't know why."
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"Probably because he's such a downer."
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"-Indeed. -GUILLERMO: Yeah, that's true."
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"Yes, I noticed that."
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"I just have one..."
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"one final question."
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"NANDOR: Yes?"
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"Where is the hat?"
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"I bloody knew it."
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"I want that hat!"
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"Which hat?"
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"-This hat? -Yes. Give me the hat!"
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"-No chance, Simon. -You gave it to me as a gift."
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"You took it by force from me in New York City."
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"Yes, and it looked better on me in New York City."
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"And it will be mine!"
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"(laughs, groans)"
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"I could've sworn that I left that door open."
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"Devious!"
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"Meet thy maker!"
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"Ha!"
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"I caught your arrow with ease."
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"(laughs) Ooh!"
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"I caught it inside my hand."
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"-Do you need a bandage? -No, it's the fucking hat."
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"-(wailing) -I'll be taking this!"
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"SIMON: I want that hat! I want to feel"
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"the sweet embrace of a witch's sphincter against my..."
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"This isn't about the hat."
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"-It's about... (shouts) -(horn honking)"
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"-Ooh! Ow. -(horns blaring)"
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"(shouts)"
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"NADJA: You kept the hat!"
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"You bloody plonker!"
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"-Fuck me. -And now look at you,"
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"bouncing off the cars like a bouncing idiot."
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"-LASZLO: Fucking hell! -Is he gonna be all right?"
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"(grunts)"
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