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Clips from New Girl - Valentine's Day (S01E01)

"It's one of my desert island books. Along with Machiavelli's The Prince..."
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"Freak by John Leguizamo, any scripts from the first season of Vampire Diaries."
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"- A little Phantom T. - I love Phantom Tollbooth."
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"Of course you do, you're a human being."
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"- So no connection. - Zero."
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"Sorry, babe, no."
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"Let's get this party started right"
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"Good girl."
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"Hit the top"
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"I'm sorry to say that love is only lies"
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"You need to do somethin' If you wanna rise"
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"Hey."
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"Could I have your cherry?"
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"- Sure. - Cool."
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"Ladies wanna roll with my haters So who'll you be?"
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"You okay? Lady?"
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"Schwing."
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"Hey, guys. Um, this is Oliver."
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"Um, Oliver is a..."
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"Mm-hm."
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"- Uh, also, we both love lunch. - Lunch."
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"Love lunch."
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"When people talk about breakfast being the most important meal..."
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"I'm like, "What?" - What is that?"
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"What about lunch, man?"
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"You want another drink?"
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"If I didn't know better, I'd think you're trying to liquor me up."
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"Why are you talking like that?"
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"Oh, Oliver, we have nothing in common."
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"Yes. I have no emotional connection to him at all."
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"But I'm just gonna eat lunch off that butt."
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"So, what about you?"
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"That redhead? I thought you totally had that."
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"Oh, that's in process."
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"This is where I do this look thing where my confusion makes her confused..."
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"and also kind of hot."
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"Let me help you."
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"I'm gonna make herjealous."
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"All right, can you stop?"
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"Cece, you are way too beautiful. She'll think she doesn't have a shot with me."
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"- Stop looking at me like that. - What look? I'm not even looking at you."
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"The pouty one, the naughty baby Indian."
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""I ate something spicy. Now my lip is swollen.""
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"Hey."
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"All right, just get in there, man."
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"Clean it all out. Like a dentist."
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"- Hey. - Hey. Ha, ha."
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"Oh. Look, look."
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"Surprise. 'Shrooms."
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"- Oh, Kyle, you really shouldn't have. - I ate three. I ate three. Three, on a pizza."
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"Look at you, man. You're a champion."
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"Um, we're gonna go. He's about to get real handsy..."
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"and a little racist. So you'll watch Jess?"
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"Let's go, Kyle."
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"Schmidty, Schmidty, Schmidty. Hey, um, so I'm gonna go home with Oliver."
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"Great. I'm so happy."
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"Hey, three words: Double-bag it."
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"I got that covered. Um..."
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"These guys."
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"- Hundy pack, so... - A hundred condoms?"
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"- Are you gonna have sex with an army? - I'm gonna get up in it."
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"That's the biggest box of condoms I've ever seen."
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"Does it have a roller? Like, you go through the airport with it?"
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"- I'm gonna rip him a new one. - Very intimidating."
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"A normal man can go maybe three times in a night..."
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"depending on how much salmon he's had."
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"He's literally the most boring person I've ever met."
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"Described every lunch he's had this week..."
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"and three of them were tacos."
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"- My work here is done. - Not really."
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"Little favor. He doesn't have a car, I don't have a car..."
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"because I came with you, so I... - Oh. No, no."
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"No. No."
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"One of the tacos had extra cheese, and the other one had avocados."
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"And cheese. And cheese, actually."
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"Well, I guess it's time to take that Chinese head..."
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"out of that Chinese ass, Ming."
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"That's so sweet. I love that. Thank you."
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"- Pushed the reservation to 8:30. - I need 40 to 50 more minutes."
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"- I'm sorry. - No, no, no."
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"Hey, Confucius say, "You work for me.""
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"What, Winston?"
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"Sorry to call you. I know you're at dinner."
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"No, I'm not. I'm hanging out with a guy named Cliff."
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"Are we hanging out? That's awesome."
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"I'm at Shelby's, and there's two other girls here."
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"They're drinking juice, talking about Michelle Obama's workout."
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"- I got a nose strip on my face. - Leave."
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"It's just that I really enjoy being around this girl."
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"- All right, so stay. - You know what? I'm gonna stay."
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"Can I ask you something?"
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"With her, the..."
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"Is it gentle or is it not so gentle?"
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"You know what I mean?"
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"I'm gonna act like you didn't just say that, Cliff."
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"Fair enough."
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"Yeah, Ming, I got your text. What part of that did you not understand?"
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"You want some champagne, Cliff?"
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"Oh."
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"What? Is he injured?"
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"No, I think that's, uh..."
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"- Pause. Pause. - Why are you pausing now?"
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"Bathroom break."
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"In the middle of the movie. What's wrong with him?"
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"- Why are you here? - You don't have a car, he doesn't."
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"- How you gonna get home? - I'm gonna take a cab, Schmidt."
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"It's a horrible neighborhood, okay?"
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"- There are youths everywhere. - Youths? Are you Officer Krupke?"
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"Would you st...?"
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"It's Cece. Hello?"
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"Why are you crashing Jess' one-night stand?"
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"He wanted to watch Planet of the Apes. I didn't know he meant now."
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"- Ugh. - What's wrong?"
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"- Tell him to leave. - Get out of there, Schmidt."
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"Leave your car there and I'll come get you, okay?"
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"What is going on? Where are you? Where's Kyle?"
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"I'm at a playground. Kyle's 'shrooming."
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"- Whoo, whoo. - I'll see you guys later."
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"- I love brown people! - That's racist, Kyle."
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"Excuse me. Back to the movie."
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