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Clips from New Girl - Valentine's Day (S01E01)

"Ready?"
New Girl
"Yeah."
New Girl
"These monkeys look so real."
New Girl
"Apes. They're apes."
New Girl
"Oh, you're one of those?"
New Girl
"- Get out. - Like there's a real difference?"
New Girl
"Now. - All right."
New Girl
"Youths."
New Girl
"You know what, Cliff?"
New Girl
"I'm sorry, I'm just feeling very romantic..."
New Girl
"and I have nowhere else to put it, so happy Valentine's Day, good-looking."
New Girl
"- You know what? - What?"
New Girl
"Put it right here. Because I like it."
New Girl
"So how did you get that far into law school and then drop out?"
New Girl
"Well, I got my heart broken."
New Girl
"- Yeah. - Then everything got weird."
New Girl
"I started playing guitar..."
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"in an alt-country-ska band. - Sure."
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"- Gambling a lot. - Yeah."
New Girl
"There was a weird week where I wore a long blond wig."
New Girl
"I made everybody call me Sandy Ferguson."
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"I have never loved anyone that much."
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"I drove to Mexico and I tried to enter a cockfight."
New Girl
"- As a person? - Yes, Cliff, as a person."
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"Come on."
New Girl
"Get me out of here. Help. Help."
New Girl
"I've had a tough couple of days, Freddie."
New Girl
"Point is, I looked around at my life..."
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"and I realized that I didn't wanna work for somebody else my whole life."
New Girl
"That is exactly how I feel, man."
New Girl
"Yeah, but the second half of that story is..."
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"how I went broke and started working for somebody else my whole life."
New Girl
"- Okay. What was that? - I don't wanna be a lawyer."
New Girl
"- I don't wanna do this. - Don't. Not tonight."
New Girl
"- I'm leaving tonight. - Oh, Cliff."
New Girl
"Look what I found under a pile of depositions."
New Girl
"- I'm quitting. - What?"
New Girl
"- Nick convinced me I can't waste life stapling. - I never said anything like that, Julia."
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"- Don't... - Not anymore."
New Girl
"Not working all night on Valentine's Day."
New Girl
"I'm just gonna get in my car, and I'm just gonna drive until I see the sun."
New Girl
"Because it's gotta be shining somewhere."
New Girl
"And for once in my life, I'm gonna spend some time with my birds."
New Girl
"- With your birds? - Whoo!"
New Girl
"No, Cliff. We're gonna start paying you so soon."
New Girl
"Julia, I am so sorry."
New Girl
"I just told him a story about when I got arrested in Mexico."
New Girl
"- Arrested in Mexico? - I wasn't gonna tell you..."
New Girl
"until after you got knocked up and were stuck with me."
New Girl
"Just go home, Nick."
New Girl
"- Sorry. - I'll call you tomorrow."
New Girl
"No!"
New Girl
"What? Are you kidding me?"
New Girl
"Hey, Amy."
New Girl
"She can't afford to move out. She doesn't work."
New Girl
"What?"
New Girl
"Hey, so how was your night?"
New Girl
"Are you serious right now, Oliver?"
New Girl
"- Yeah. - Um, hey. I'm Jess."
New Girl
"Hey."
New Girl
"Who is she?"
New Girl
"- What are you doing here, Cece? - Sorry, I just came to get Schmidt."
New Girl
"Schmidt left like an hour ago."
New Girl
"- No, no, I didn't. - Are you kidding me?"
New Girl
"- My tires were stolen by street youths. - Ugh!"
New Girl
"Did I pee my pants? Friends, did I pee in my pants?"
New Girl
"- No, Kyle, you're just on drugs. - Guys?"
New Girl
"- He definitely peed, I can see. - See? See?"
New Girl
"Who's the idiot now?"
New Girl
"Okay, all of you, get out of here."
New Girl
"- I peed my pants. - We got to get out of... Oh."
New Girl
"- This guy is like a magician. - How does it feel, Oliver?"
New Girl
"Okay. Uh, Kyle, I'm the one you're gonna sleep with tonight, so we gotta..."
New Girl
"What are you gonna do now? - Ha, ha."
New Girl
"You're cute. Here, I got you."
New Girl
"Okay."
New Girl
"- My man! - Get out of my house."
New Girl
"Yeah, we're going."
New Girl
"- I will murder you! - Bye."
New Girl
"- Yes. - Heck, yeah! I'll get you!"
New Girl
"- What? - Hey, Kyle. Hey. It's a stick."
New Girl
"Go get it."
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"Oh, shiny."
New Girl
"Whew."
New Girl
"What does a girl gotta do to get a one-night stand around here?"
New Girl
"Sorry."
New Girl
"This sangria is amazing, Winston."
New Girl
"My grandmother's recipe, so I can't take credit for that."
New Girl
"But seriously, Tia, you don't want a man who has fancier underpants than you."
New Girl
"- I keep trying to tell her. - True."
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"You wanna have the fanciest drawers in the relationship. Boom."
New Girl
"Wow."
New Girl
"Huh?"
New Girl
"Hey, are you gonna be done soon?"
New Girl
"Maybe."
New Girl
"She can't keep eating tacos all night."
New Girl
"- Yeah. - I ate most of the tacos."
New Girl
"I can't do this."
New Girl
"You're a really great guy and, um, I..."
New Girl
"I mean, I don't know that, um..."
New Girl
"but honestly, I was just gonna use you as a giant meat puppet."
New Girl
"I'm looking pretty good right now. - It's just so hard, you know?"
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"I feel so alone sometimes."
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"And I lied to you."
New Girl
"I'm not a web creator."
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"I'm not a player."
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"- I miss her so much. - Oh. She's in... She's just in the kitchen."
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"Baby, can you make me a smoothie?"
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"Just making copies. - Did you do all of this?"
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"- I did. - No."
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"- Yeah. - Really?"
New Girl
"I just want you to know that there's a photocopy of my butt..."
New Girl
"somewhere in your recycling bin. - Okay."
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"I had a weird moment, Julia, and I went for it, okay?"
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"And if anyone finds it..."
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"I want them to know I moved during the copy..."
New Girl
"and I don't actually have two butt cracks. - I know."
New Girl
"What?"
New Girl
"I've never ever cared about Valentine's Day before."
New Girl
"Neither have I. But it's nice."
New Girl
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