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Clips from Chappelle's Show - Episode #1.2 (S01E01)

"The crime you've committed was very serious,"
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"and before I sentence you,"
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"I'd like to say a few words about your arrest record..."
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"What the hell?"
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"Yo, the sign is real simple, "b","
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"I don't think that's a good idea."
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"You'd better wrap that gavel up, "b"!"
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"That's what I'm talking about."
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"at the perfect time..."
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"whenever you want them to."
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"I'm gonna rock it tonight!"
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"(moaning)"
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"Psych!"
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"It ain't over."
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"For real? Not even close?"
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"Not even close."
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"Hold on, now, hang in there with me."
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"Hey, can you read?"
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"Wrap it up."
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"You need to wrap it up!"
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"Stop skipping your remedial class."
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"and your mind on your task."
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"in these bars."
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"and walk it off."
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"It's Brooklyn."
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"the Pepsi generation, Generation "X", they called us."
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"I refer to us as the Reagan babies."
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"Please enjoy."
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"I'll kill you!"
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"Peanut butter and crack sandwich!"
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"(crashing)"
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"(narrator) This week, Tyrone visits a local middle school"
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"to promote drug awareness."
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"We have a very special surprise today."
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"Hi, kids!"
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"Thank you very much, teacher!"
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"or whatever your school is called, today."
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"because it's a violation of my parole to be around children."
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"But enough about that."
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"Hello, little boys and little girls."
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"Mm, mm, mm."
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"Kids, y'all are looking at a dead man."
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"Me and my friends would go home"
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"and smoke marijuana after school."
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"(all the children) Marijuana."
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"That's what I was smoking."
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"Sometimes, dipped in embalming fluid."
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"And me and my friends would laugh and giggle"
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"and eat all the cookies!"
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"It was terrible."
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"Terrible."
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"I can definitely say,"
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"he was the absolute worst anti-drug speaker"
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"in the history of drugs."
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"Then I upgraded to a little drug called acid..."
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"Even young children could afford it... it's so bad."
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"I did two hits of that and Bugs Bunny and Scooby Doo"
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"God damn, talking about..."
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"ba ba ba boo, ba ba ba boo"
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"where and how to buy the stuff."
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"We all know we can sneak into our mama's room"
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"when she's sleeping,"
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"and take $5, $10, maybe $20 out her purse,"
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"run on down to Third Street, catch the "D" bus downtown,"
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"We know that!"
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"And we know that Martinez' stuff is the bomb!"
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"Kids, drugs is all around you."
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"you might be asking."
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"What you think this is some kind of crayon?"
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"No."
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"Take that cap off and sniff it. And you be high."
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"And these little ones are 10 and 11 years old."
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"You!"
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"You know what dog food tastes like?"
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"Do you?"
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"It tastes just like it smells..."
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"I'm gonna show you how I go to the bathroom."
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"Ha!"
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"I thought the worst was over."
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"That, children, was the first time"
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"I sucked a dick for crack."
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"But it wouldn't be the last."
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"Why, one time, I seen Martinez..."
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"I'm trying to say something."
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"Thank you for that lovely and moving and graphic story."
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"Um, can I get cash for this?"
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"I got some errands to run,"
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"and I don't think I'm gonna make the bank."
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"Um, uh, uh..."
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"It's my money, bitch!"
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"I earned it!"
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"Give me my speaker's fee!"
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"The goofiest crack head in the town."
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"I don't want to upset you."
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"we melted it."
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"The funny thing was, the dude that does the props"
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"It's candy, you know, he's melting it."
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"The mighty Mos!"
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"Stick around for more Chappelle's Show."
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"Chappelle's Show."
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"Better not bring your kids."
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"Hey, gang, welcome back."
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"We are hanging in here, having some fun."
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"Pull up to your spot on low."
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"Shine brighter than all of the cats that got on glow."
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"Lay in the cut like they're not gonna know."
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"they're not gonna know."
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"This door marked private this is not for show."
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"Is they what you call gangster?"
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"They get a little pinch and go snitch to the poor."
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"I'm most definite not think so."
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"and my crew ain't scared to let them things go."
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"So stop with the nonsense"
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"I'm just awake dog. I'm doing great dog."
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"it's really not a game dog."
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"Your grind and my grind ain't the same dog."
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"I'm the catalog you the same song."
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"doing the little mommies winding up their waist for"
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"Me and D. Chappelle got it yellow taped off."
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"Don't push me 'cause I'm close"
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