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Clips from Seinfeld - The Package (S08E08)

"...and he doesn't even look at my rash."
Seinfeld
"Find one that doesn't know you're difficult."
Seinfeld
"Come on. I'm not difficult. I'm easy."
Seinfeld
"Why? Because you dress casual and sleep with a lot of guys?"
Seinfeld
"- Listen to me, you little sh- - Smile."
Seinfeld
"Elaine, you really didn't have to put on the gown."
Seinfeld
"It's my pleasure. I love these."
Seinfeld
"You know, in fact, I've got one at home."
Seinfeld
"- Hi. - Thank you."
Seinfeld
"All right."
Seinfeld
"Let me just review your history before we begin."
Seinfeld
"Oh, where did you get my chart?"
Seinfeld
"You know, I can tell you my whole history. Let's just-"
Seinfeld
"Well, that doesn't look too serious. You'll be fine."
Seinfeld
"Please, please. It- But it's really, really itchy."
Seinfeld
"Oh, no."
Seinfeld
"- Seinfeld? - Yeah."
Seinfeld
"Got a package for you. Sign here."
Seinfeld
"- Oh, who's it from? - No return address."
Seinfeld
"Are you refusing delivery?"
Seinfeld
"- Never done it before. - Why start now?"
Seinfeld
"Why'd you refuse that? Everybody loves a package."
Seinfeld
"Crazy printing. I don't know who from."
Seinfeld
"It's not totally impossible."
Seinfeld
"The ego on you."
Seinfeld
"- Why can't I be bomb-able? - Who's gonna bomb you?"
Seinfeld
"An airline for all the stupid little peanut jokes?"
Seinfeld
"Oh, I suppose you think you're bomb-able?"
Seinfeld
"Couple people wouldn't mind having me out of the way."
Seinfeld
"There's more than a couple."
Seinfeld
"Check these out. I just picked them up from Sheila."
Seinfeld
"She must have loved these."
Seinfeld
"- You don't have a Mercedes. - I know. Just leaned on it..."
Seinfeld
"...so it'd look like it was mine."
Seinfeld
"The driver seems a little put out."
Seinfeld
"No, he was fine with it."
Seinfeld
"Check this out."
Seinfeld
"Is that Burt Reynolds?"
Seinfeld
"Wax Museum."
Seinfeld
"- What is this? - That is a lot of skin."
Seinfeld
"This must be Sheila from the photo place."
Seinfeld
"- You can barely see her face. - She must have slipped it in here."
Seinfeld
"- Photo-store Sheila. - Well, hello, photo-store Sheila."
Seinfeld
"All right. I will see you boys later."
Seinfeld
"- Where are you going? - To ask her out."
Seinfeld
"She goes to these lengths to entice you..."
Seinfeld
"...and your only response is, Gee, I really like your picture."
Seinfeld
"Would you like to go out on a date with me, please?"
Seinfeld
"- No good? - It's the timeless art of seduction."
Seinfeld
"You gotta join in the dance. She sends you an enticing photo..."
Seinfeld
"- ...you send her one right back. - Oh, I don't know."
Seinfeld
"Well, as you know, I've always been something of a photog."
Seinfeld
"Oh, yeah, I like this idea."
Seinfeld
"- Hello. How are you? - Hey, Leo."
Seinfeld
"Hey, what's with your nephew? He wouldn't accept the package."
Seinfeld
"Oh, he wants it. He's just trying to be funny."
Seinfeld
"Yeah, I'll sign for it."
Seinfeld
"And then he started writing on my chart."
Seinfeld
"Just get a hold of it and change what you don't like."
Seinfeld
"You can't change your chart. It's your chart."
Seinfeld
"I'm in my personnel file at work all the time."
Seinfeld
"- You are? - I've kept the same job over two years."
Seinfeld
"It's not luck."
Seinfeld
"Elaine, have you ever sent a racy photograph of yourself to anyone?"
Seinfeld
"Yeah. I sent one to everyone I know."
Seinfeld
"You remember my Christmas card?"
Seinfeld
"The nipple."
Seinfeld
"But aside from that, how did you feel about Kramer's work?"
Seinfeld
"Actually, I thought he was very professional."
Seinfeld
"- It was a good experience? - Oh, yeah."
Seinfeld
"I liked the picture so much I cropped out the nipple..."
Seinfeld
"- Nice. - Yeah, it is nice actually."
Seinfeld
"Please, I've gotta see Dr. Berg right away."
Seinfeld
"- This rash is spreading. - He can't see you. He's busy."
Seinfeld
"Oh, come on. Have some compassion."
Seinfeld
"Well, I hope it's contagious then."
Seinfeld
"Come on. Move."
Seinfeld
"Oh, hi, Dr. Berg."
Seinfeld
"- I didn't know if- - The chart, Miss Benes."
Seinfeld
"Oh, please, no more."
Seinfeld
"Personal matter."
Seinfeld
"- Hello. - Jerry, it's your Uncle Leo. Hello."
Seinfeld
"Hello, Leo. You don't have to yell."
Seinfeld
"- How did you get my package? - Leo's got your package?"
Seinfeld
"- What should I do with it? - I don't know what you should do."
Seinfeld
"Tell him to open it."
Seinfeld
"I'm not gonna treat my uncle like a bomb-defusing robot."
Seinfeld
"Jerry, your cousin Jeffrey..."
Seinfeld
"...is in a Parks Department production of The Mikado."
Seinfeld
"- Open the package, Leo. - Okay."
Seinfeld
"Opening."
Seinfeld
"No. No bomb."
Seinfeld
"- Well, then, what? - Oh, stupid Leo."
Seinfeld
"He was using those oven cleaners. He left the canister in there."
Seinfeld
"The pilot light was on. The whole thing blew up."
Seinfeld
"- But he's okay? - Yeah."
Seinfeld
"But the explosion singed off his eyebrows, mustache, everything."
Seinfeld
"He's all smooth now. Looks like a seal."
Seinfeld
"Yes. Hi, yeah, I'm still holding."
Seinfeld
"Is this my stereo?"
Seinfeld
"Oh, hey, you got it."
Seinfeld
"Hey, what happened to my stereo? It's all smashed up."
Seinfeld
"That's right. Now it looks like it was broken during shipping..."
Seinfeld
"...and I insured it for $400."
Seinfeld
"But you were supposed to get me a refund."
Seinfeld
"You can't get a refund. Your warranty expired two years ago."
Seinfeld
"So we're gonna make the post office pay for my new stereo now?"
Seinfeld
"- It's a write-off for them. - How is it a write-off?"
Seinfeld
"They just write it off."
Seinfeld
"Write it off what?"
Seinfeld
"Jerry, all these big companies, they write off everything."
Seinfeld
"You don't even know what a write-off is."
Seinfeld
"- Do you? - No, I don't."
Seinfeld
"But they do."
Seinfeld
"And they're the ones writing it off."
Seinfeld
"I wish I had the last 20 seconds of my life back."
Seinfeld
"What? What? He doesn't have one appointment this whole month?"
Seinfeld
"Hello? Hello?"
Seinfeld
"Still no luck?"
Seinfeld
"Jerry, that was Dr. Zimmerman. I'm at the end of the alphabet."
Seinfeld
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