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Clips from NewsRadio - Bitch Session (S02E02)

Hey, where's Lisa?

"Hey, where's Lisa?"

NewsRadio

He was hiding under his desk.

"He was hiding under his desk."

NewsRadio

From under his desk!

"From under his desk!"

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All right, fine. Fine.

"All right, fine. Fine."

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What? You heard me.

"What? You heard me."

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I'm replacing Dave.

"I'm replacing Dave."

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If you fire Dave, I quit.

"If you fire Dave, I quit."

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Who's with me?

"Who's with me?"

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Oh, yes. Absolutely.

"Oh, yes. Absolutely."

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All right, but you'll stop bitching

"All right, but you'll stop bitching"

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That's for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

"That's for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah."

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Okay, I'll see you folks later.

"Okay, I'll see you folks later."

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Okay, well... Thank you.

"Okay, well... Thank you."

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The frying pan stayed the same. What about your head?

"The frying pan stayed the same. What about your head?"

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Thanks again, folks. Yeah.

"Thanks again, folks. Yeah."

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You know, I don't know what's going to happen with that.

"You know, I don't know what's going to happen with that."

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I mean, I'm okay with the rest,

"I mean, I'm okay with the rest,"

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but you know, what Lisa did really hurts.

"but you know, what Lisa did really hurts."

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I don't know. I don't know this time.

"I don't know. I don't know this time."

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Sorry about that.

"Sorry about that."

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So I'm pretty sure the jack is broken.

"So I'm pretty sure the jack is broken."

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Well, if it's broken, I can fix it.

"Well, if it's broken, I can fix it."

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Well, take my word for it. The jack is definitely broken.

"Well, take my word for it. The jack is definitely broken."

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Okay, what's wrong with it?

"Okay, what's wrong with it?"

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It's broken.

"It's broken."

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And you can fix it?

"And you can fix it?"

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No, no, no. No rigging. No.

"No, no, no. No rigging. No."

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No. No. Just splurge.

"No. No. Just splurge."

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Go down to the hardware store

"Go down to the hardware store"

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any of that machine-made, mass-produced garbage.

"any of that machine-made, mass-produced garbage."

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I don't play that game.

"I don't play that game."

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Just these two hands, a soldering iron,

"Just these two hands, a soldering iron,"

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Yeah. That was very impressive.

"Yeah. That was very impressive."

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Hey, is that why my old clock doesn't work anymore?

"Hey, is that why my old clock doesn't work anymore?"

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Excuse me, Dave. I was just wondering--

"Excuse me, Dave. I was just wondering--"

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What do you want?

"What do you want?"

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I assume this means you and Lisa aren't dating anymore?

"I assume this means you and Lisa aren't dating anymore?"

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Thank you.

"Thank you."

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I'm busy.

"I'm busy."

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where to get one of these.

"where to get one of these."

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Uh, a newsstand?

"Uh, a newsstand?"

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An electronic voice modulator.

"An electronic voice modulator."

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What do you want one of those for?

"What do you want one of those for?"

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And a tad more...

"And a tad more..."

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No. I mean just a little more...

"No. I mean just a little more..."

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and I'll give you 20 bucks to install it.

"and I'll give you 20 bucks to install it."

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Turn up the pitch a little,

"Turn up the pitch a little,"

NewsRadio

give you a little reverb... Sit, sit, sit.

"give you a little reverb... Sit, sit, sit."

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I'm Bill McNeal.

"I'm Bill McNeal."

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What's your name?

"What's your name?"

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Heh. Okay, ready?

"Heh. Okay, ready?"

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HIGH PITCHED: I'm Bill McNeal.

"HIGH PITCHED: I'm Bill McNeal."

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Come on, just give me a second to tune it up here.

"Come on, just give me a second to tune it up here."

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All right. Hold on. Wait a second.

"All right. Hold on. Wait a second."

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Patch me into the intercom and turn the volume way up.

"Patch me into the intercom and turn the volume way up."

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Hang on... Hang on...

"Hang on... Hang on..."

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Close. Close, Bill. Good...

"Close. Close, Bill. Good..."

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But no cigar.

"But no cigar."

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You're going to have to wake up pretty early--

"You're going to have to wake up pretty early--"

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Hey, do you have the time? Yes.

"Hey, do you have the time? Yes."

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I'm afraid the station is no longer going to reimburse you

"I'm afraid the station is no longer going to reimburse you"

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for cab rides home.

"for cab rides home."

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I'm sorry. Not anymore.

"I'm sorry. Not anymore."

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It's another if you wait till 8:01

"It's another if you wait till 8:01"

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and can go club-hopping all night.

"and can go club-hopping all night."

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Beth.

"Beth."

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What are you talking about, Dave?

"What are you talking about, Dave?"

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so I asked the cab driver

"so I asked the cab driver"

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to drop us off "where the action is."

"to drop us off "where the action is.""

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Where'd you end up, big guy?

"Where'd you end up, big guy?"

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Regardless, though, any inappropriate expenditures

"Regardless, though, any inappropriate expenditures"

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That is going too far.

"That is going too far."

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No, taking a cab to New Jersey and back

"No, taking a cab to New Jersey and back"

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That was radio-related business.

"That was radio-related business."

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and was slashing prices.

"and was slashing prices."

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Okay, meeting adjourned. Thank you.

"Okay, meeting adjourned. Thank you."

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Here you go, dude. Check it out.

"Here you go, dude. Check it out."

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I'm assuming you crafted this with your own hands.

"I'm assuming you crafted this with your own hands."

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What makes you say that?

"What makes you say that?"

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was sort of a tip-off.

"was sort of a tip-off."

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Duct tape. That stuff's a rip-off.

"Duct tape. That stuff's a rip-off."

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I make my own tape.

"I make my own tape."

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Come on, we'll go in the booth.

"Come on, we'll go in the booth."

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I'll hook it up for you.

"I'll hook it up for you."

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We'll be back with traffic and weather

"We'll be back with traffic and weather"

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MALE VOICE: Why do you want to change-- Joe!

"MALE VOICE: Why do you want to change-- Joe!"

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Sorry.

"Sorry."

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Whoa.

"Whoa."

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Don't worry, folks. Stay calm.

"Don't worry, folks. Stay calm."

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Jerry?

"Jerry?"

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Beth?

"Beth?"

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Okay, you win, Dave.

"Okay, you win, Dave."

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Right. Yeah. When is that?

"Right. Yeah. When is that?"

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Well, thanks for the reminder. Okay.

"Well, thanks for the reminder. Okay."

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Okay, and would you get Joe to fix my phone, please?

"Okay, and would you get Joe to fix my phone, please?"

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Sounds like he fixed it.

"Sounds like he fixed it."

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Yeah, yeah, because I was going over our records and--

"Yeah, yeah, because I was going over our records and--"

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BETH: He's at the dentist.

"BETH: He's at the dentist."

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No free cab rides. What a ripoff.

"No free cab rides. What a ripoff."

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From now on, I'm going to take the bus,

"From now on, I'm going to take the bus,"

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That'll show him.

"That'll show him."

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What about the mug today?

"What about the mug today?"

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"First, let me have a quick sip--

""First, let me have a quick sip--"

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or I'll lose all my magic powers."

"or I'll lose all my magic powers.""

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on his coffee mug gymnastics?

"on his coffee mug gymnastics?"

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Oh, actually, I counted seven trade-offs

"Oh, actually, I counted seven trade-offs"

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from right hand to left

"from right hand to left"

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and at least nine

"and at least nine"

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"almost puts the mug down

""almost puts the mug down"

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Well, from the booth,

"Well, from the booth,"

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Aha. I thought I smelled Dave's burning flesh.

"Aha. I thought I smelled Dave's burning flesh."

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bitch session in the office of the bitchee himself.

"bitch session in the office of the bitchee himself."

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He did look like a 14-year-old, didn't he?

"He did look like a 14-year-old, didn't he?"

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Oh, hey, Dave,

"Oh, hey, Dave,"

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Ladies and gentlemen, you have just been burned.

"Ladies and gentlemen, you have just been burned."

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That is so negative.

"That is so negative."

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Oh, yeah. Almost just like a real grown-up.

"Oh, yeah. Almost just like a real grown-up."

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he just stepped out of a Norman Rockwell painting.

"he just stepped out of a Norman Rockwell painting."

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What? What?

"What? What?"

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Okay, the coffee mug thing, okay, I know that's just a joke,

"Okay, the coffee mug thing, okay, I know that's just a joke,"

NewsRadio

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