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Clips from Community - Spanish 101 (S01E01)

"- Nothing. - Journalists are being murdered?"
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"The worst part of it is when it's over..."
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"Real stories... They don't have spoilers."
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"You understand that tv and life are different, right?"
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"- Milady. - Milord."
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"- Baby. - Sweetie."
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"Actually, there's nothing..."
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"If you're gonna study with people, it would be cool of you to show up on time."
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"talking about your interesting personal lives and your cool emotional problems."
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"I never have anything to offer."
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"Good studying. See you later. Bye."
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"The two-week anniversary of my horrible first impression."
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"you'll agree with this transformer here"
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"that it's time for ours to become a man."
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"By reading from the Torah."
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"has given me douche-ray vision, but those are good people in there,"
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"and they trust and respect you. Watching you exploit them bums me out."
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"You're cute,"
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"Tell you what, you take her. I have less to prove."
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"You can't pursue people so desperately."
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"I'm not much of a sausage guy. Maybe next time."
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"Next time, then."
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"We've been living on the wrong side of the looking glass."
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"- I want to protest the hell out of something. - We could have a candlelight vigil"
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"Brownies?"
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""Señor Chang, why do you teach Spanish?""
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""Why you?""
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"Why not math?"
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"Why not photography?"
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"I mean, surely it must be in my nature"
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"like building a wall that you can see from outer space."
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"I'll tell you why I teach Spanish."
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"It is none of your business, okay?"
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"about what a mysterious and inscrutable man I am."
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"I am a Spanish genius!"
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"'Cause my knowledge will bite her face off!"
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"So don't question señor Chang or you'll get bit."
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"Ya bit!"
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"Friday mañana, we'll have conversations with the rest of the class"
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"using some of the phrases we learned in unit one."
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"You'll be partnering up in pairs of dos."
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"If you look under your desk,"
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"For ejemplo, blondie aqui"
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"So that means the person with the card with the word casa on it is her partner."
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"Comprende, Star-burns?"
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"What do we say at the end of every class?"
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"Come on, hands... 90% of Spanish."
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"I'll give you 20 bucks."
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"- Fine. Give me your card. - I want to wear it out of here."
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"What are the odds?"
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"It's almost like you gave it to him so he would switch cards."
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"I gave Abed my shirt because I'm not selfish,"
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"which is something you'll finally discover while we are working on this."
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"Tomorrow night? Dinner, drinks."
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"See, I did switch cards."
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"Can you believe this? What are the odds?"
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"That's a nice shirt. Want to sell it?"
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"What's the moist towelette industry like?"
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"Believe me, it's nothing like the product."
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"Destroyed all my marriages."
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"It didn't help I can't have children. I'm not sterile."
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"In fact, it's a rare condition they call "hyper-virility"."
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"Hemingway's lemonade."
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"- No need to make it a long evening... - Am I a piece of garbage to you?"
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"So what's up with you, Jeffrey? Seems like you got a burr up your ass."
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"- It's Britta. - Forget her."
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"- Why don't we start with me saying... - What are you doing?"
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"Our assignment."
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"We show them we're a force to be reckoned with."
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"Come on, let's brainstorm some story ideas."
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"Google it."
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"Once it gets dark,"
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"I hand out the candles and we do a speechless protest."
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"and gather hand-in-hand in a sea of outraged silence."
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"We know it's not how you do it cause we're doing everything."
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"But this is tacky and lame."
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"is that this cause is really personal to me."
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"I do things."
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"I went to..."
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"I don't do anything."
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"- Tell me what I've got so far. - What we have so far?"
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"We have something incredibly long,"
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"and very confusing, and a little homophobic."
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"And really, really, specifically,"
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"surprisingly, and gratuitously critical of Israel."
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"It's called "two conquistadors", should probably be "dos"."
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"I mean, it is a Spanish class."
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"are the five phrases required to get me a passing grade."
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"You're right. Needs more work."
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"- What're you guys doing? - I have no idea."
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"- Some cause Britta's into. - A silent protest. Lots of candles."
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"- A chance to put miles on this shirt. - Conversations are due in the morning."
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"What do you want to do?"
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"Hacks."
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"What do we do about the ending of act two?"
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"and memorize five phrases from it tomorrow morning before class."
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"- Good night. - Wait a minute."
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"You're bailing on our first sausage fest?"
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"This is your definition of friendship?"
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"and me finding it harder and harder to stay polite."
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"but a woman I kind of like"
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"is out there caring about something stupid,"
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"and this is my chance to show her I care enough to act like I care too."
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"- That's all you had to say. - That was it?"
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"That would've been great if I had done that two hours ago!"
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"Look at awesome Jeffrey Winger."
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"Too awesome for old Pierce"
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"with your hip shirts,"
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"and your cool"
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"Cause I know what I'd like to protest..."
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"How much you hurt me."
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"you tell me I'm trying too hard to be your friend so you have to go."
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"You have to come out here to pretend"
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"to care about the stupid stuff she cares about."
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"- His words, not mine. - He is paraphrasing."
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"Pierce, I got an idea."
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"Get a coffee,"
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"hold some waitress hostage with a monologue about your sperm."
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"I'll show you some sperm, buddy."
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"He's fine."
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