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Clips from The Big Bang Theory - The Bat Jar Conjecture (S01E01)

"The objective is to give correct answers."
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"If I know them, why shouldn't I give them?"
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"Some of us might have the correct answers too."
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"- Please. You don't even have a Ph.D. - All right, that's it."
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"- We should take a little break. - Good idea. I need my wrist brace."
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"All this button pushing is aggravating my old Nintendo injury."
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"I agree."
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"What did he say?"
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"He compared Sheldon to a disposable feminine cleansing product..."
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"...one might use on a summer's eve."
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"Leonard, excellent. I wanna show you something."
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"Just look. I've designed the perfect uniforms for our team."
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"The Original Series."
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"The three of you will wear support red and I will wear command gold."
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"Why do they say "AA"?"
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"Isn't that confusing? AA might mean something else to certain people."
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"Why would a Physics Bowl team be called Anodized Aluminum?"
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"No, I meant--"
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"Never mind."
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"Hey, check it out."
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"I got you a Batman cookie jar."
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"Oh, neat. What's the occasion?"
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"Well, you're a friend and you like Batman and cookies..."
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"...and you're off the team."
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"What?"
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"Howard, Raj and l just had a team meeting."
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"- You didn't. - We did. I just came from there."
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"I don't know where you just came from. It couldn't have been a team meeting."
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"I'm on the team and I wasn't there. Ergo, the team did not meet."
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"Okay, let me try it this way."
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"I was at a coffee klatch with a couple of friends..."
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"...and one thing led to another and, it turns out, you're off the team."
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"- Why? - Because you're taking all the fun out of it."
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"I'm sorry, is the winner of the Physics Bowl the team that has the most fun?"
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"Okay. Let me try it this way."
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"You're annoying and no one wants to play with you anymore."
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"Well, at this point I should inform you that I intend to form my own team..."
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"...and destroy the molecular bonds that bind your very matter together..."
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"...and reduce the resulting particulate chaos to tears."
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"Thanks for the heads up."
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"You're welcome."
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"- One more thing. - Yes?"
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"It's on, bitch."
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"- So who did he get to be on his team? - He won't say."
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"He just smiles and eats macaroons out of his Bat-Jar."
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"He's using psychological warfare. We must reply in kind."
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"I say we wait until he looks at us, then laugh like:"
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""Yes, you are a smart and strong competitor."
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"But we are also smart and strong..."
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"How exactly would that laugh go?"
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"Hee-hee-hee!"
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"That sounds more like:"
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""We are a tall, thin woman who wants to make a coat out of your dalmatians.""
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"Guys, let's remember that Sheldon is still our friend and my roommate."
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"So?"
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"So nothing. Let's destroy him."
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"Gentlemen."
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"Hee-hee-hee!"
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"Okay, we're gonna need a strong fourth for our team."
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"You know who is apparently very smart is the girl who played TV's Blossom."
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"She got a Ph.D. in neuroscience or something."
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"Raj, we're not getting TV's Blossom to join our Physics Bowl team."
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"How about the girl from The Wonder Years?"
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"Gentlemen, I believe I've found the solution to all our problems."
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"We can't ask Leslie Winkle."
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"Why? Because you slept together..."
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"...and when she was done with you, she discarded you like last night's chutney?"
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"Yes."
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"- You gotta take one for the team. - Yeah. Sack up, dude."
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"Fine."
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"Here I go, taking one for the team..."
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"...in the sack."
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"- Hey, Leslie. - Hi, guys."
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"Ahem. So, Leslie, I have a question for you..."
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"...and it might be a little awkward, you know, given that l--"
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"Hit that thing."
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"There's no reason to feel uncomfortable because we've seen each other's faces..."
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"...and naked bodies contorted in the sweet agony of coitus."
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"There's not? Gee, because it sure sounds like there should be."
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"Any aspects of our sexual relationship, regarding your preferences..."
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"...your idiosyncrasies, your performance, are protected by the inherent..."
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"- Proceed. - We are entering the Physics Bowl..."
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"- ...and we need a fourth. - No, thanks."
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"I'm really busy with my like-sign dilepton supersymmetry search."
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"Dilepton shmylepton, we need you."
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"Sorry."
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"We'll just have to face Sheldon mano y mano y mano a mano."
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"Wait, you're going up against Sheldon Cooper?"
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"...doorknob that told me I should abandon my work with high-energy particles..."
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"...for laundry and childbearing?"
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"She's in."
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"So how do you feel?"
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"Yeah. You don't have to stay for the whole thing."
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"Oh, no, no, I want to. Sounds really interesting."
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"Okay."
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"- Gentlemen. - Sheldon."
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"- Sheldon. - Hee-hee-hee."
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"Sheldon."
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"I'm just gonna sit down."
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"So is that your team?"
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"Actually, I don't need a team."
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"I could easily defeat you single-handedly, but the rules require four."
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"So may I introduce the third-floor janitor, the lady from the lunch room and--"
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"My Spanish is not good. --either her son or her butcher."
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"And what about your team?"
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"Hello, Sheldon."
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"Leslie Winkle."
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"Yeah, Leslie Winkle. The answer to the question:"
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""Who made Sheldon Cooper cry like a little girl?""
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"Yes, well, I'm polymerized tree sap, and you're an inorganic adhesive."
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"So whatever verbal projectile you launch in my direction is reflected off of me..."
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"...returns on its original trajectory, and adheres to you."
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"Oh, ouch."
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"PMS?"
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"It's a couple days early."
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"No."
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"It stands for Perpetual Motion Squad."
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"Oh, right, of course. What was I thinking?"
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"Good afternoon, everyone, and welcome to this year's Physics Bowl."
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"Today's preliminary match features two great teams:"
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