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Clips from The Big Bang Theory - The Bat Jar Conjecture (S01E01)

"Ooh, more details about the new Star Trek film."
The Big Bang Theory
"...and got a gig playing Knott's Berry Farm."
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"Would you ask Noah Webster to play Boggle?"
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"Tickets to that, please."
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"Sheldon, what? Do I need to quote Spock's dying words to you?"
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""Outweigh the needs of the few--""
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"We need a truly kick-ass team name. Suggestions?"
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"It's beyond the laws of physics, plus a little heads up for the ladies."
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"- I like it. - I don't."
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"And I answered. It's called teamwork."
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"Just ask another one."
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"Okay."
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"Leonard, you said I only had to ask questions."
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"- Howard, sit down. - Okay."
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"Yeah, and the bag it came in."
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"Army Ants."
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"...and we have a reasonable chance of defeating you.""
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"- ...confidentiality of the bedroom. - That's all very comforting..."
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"Well, we tried."
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"- Yes. - That arrogant, misogynistic..."
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"Nice and loose? Come to play? Got your game face on?"
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"- Are you ready? - Oh."
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"What rat have you recruited to the S.S. Sinking Ship?"
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"Okay, if everyone could please take your seats?"
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"Here's your T-shirt."
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"Denied. All right, for 10 points."
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"- PMS? - Shor's algorithm."
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"Solve the equation."
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"Holy crap."
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"Sorry, I panicked."
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"He doesn't have it. He's got squat."
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"AA, I need your answer."
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"Ow!"
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"That's your opinion."
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"- I know someone who would disagree. - Who?"
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"My Physics Bowl trophy."
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""Sammy Hagar replaced David Lee Roth as the lead singer in what group?""
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"- No. - Formal protest."
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"There's going to be a scene depicting Spock's birth."
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"I'd be more interested in a scene depicting Spock's conception."
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"Oh, please. For Vulcans, mating, or, if you will, Pon farr..."
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"- ...it's an extremely private matter. - I'd like to know the details."
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"His mother was human. His father was Vulcan. They couldn't conceive."
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"Maybe they had to go to a clinic. Can you imagine Spock's dad..."
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"...with a copy of Pointy Ears and Shapely Rears?"
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"How come on Star Trek everybody's private parts are the same?"
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"No alien lady ever told Captain Kirk, " Hey, get your thing out of my nose.""
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"Hi. Can you help me?"
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"I was writing an e-mail and the A key got stuck."
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"- What'd you spill on it? - Nothing."
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"Diet Coke."
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"And yogurt."
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"And a little nail polish."
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"I'll take a look at it."
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"Gentlemen, switching to local nerd news..."
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"...Fishman, Chen, Chaudury and McNair aren't fielding a team..."
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"...in the Physics Bowl this year."
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"- You're kidding. Why not? - They formed a barbershop quartet..."
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"Wow. So in your world, you're like the cool guys."
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"Recognize."
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"This is our year. With those guys out..."
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"...the entire Physics Bowl will kneel before Zod."
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"- Zod? - Kryptonian villain. Long story."
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"Good story."
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"- Count me out. - What? Why?"
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"You want me to use my intelligence in a tawdry competition?"
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"Would you ask Picasso to play Pictionary?"
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"Would you ask Jacques Cousteau to play Go Fish?"
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"Come on, you need a four-person team. We're four people."
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"By that reasoning we should also play bridge, hold up a huppah..."
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"...and enter the Olympic bobsled competition."
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"No, don't."
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""The needs of the many--""
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""Or the one.""
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"Damn it, I'll do it."
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"Okay, first order of Physics Bowl business."
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"How about the Perpetual Motion Squad?"
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"- The ladies? - Perpetual Motion Squad..."
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"...we can go all night."
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"Teams are traditionally named after fierce creatures..."
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"...thus intimidating one's opponent."
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"We could be the Bengal Tigers."
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"Poor choice. Gram for gram..."
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"...no animal exceeds the relative fighting strength of the army ant."
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"Maybe so, but you can't incinerate a Bengal tiger with a magnifying glass."
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"Let's put it to a vote."
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"- All those in favor-- - Point of order."
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"I move that any vote on team names be unanimous."
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"No man should be forced to emblazon his chest with a Bengal tiger..."
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"...when common sense dictates it should be an army ant."
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"Will the gentleman from the great state of denial yield for a question?"
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"- I will yield. - After we go through the exercise..."
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"...of an annoying series of votes, which the gentleman will lose..."
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"...does he intend to quit if he does not get his way?"
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"- He does. - We are the Army Ants. All those in favor?"
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"Good afternoon and welcome to today's Physics Bowl practice round."
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"I'm Penny, and I'll be your host because..."
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"...I didn't have anything else to do on a Saturday afternoon..."
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"- Gentlemen, are you ready? - Yes."
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"- Fire away. - It's none of my business..."
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"Oh, he'll be okay once the women are mixed into the crowd."
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"He only has a problem when they're one-on-one and smell nice."
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"Oh, thanks, Raj. It's vanilla oil."
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"I was actually the one who noticed. Okay, let's just start."
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"Okay, the first question is on the topic of optics."
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""What is the shortest light pulse ever produced?""
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"- Dr. Cooper. - Of course, the answer is 130 attoseconds."
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"- That is correct. - I knew that too."
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"Good for you, sweetie. Okay, next question."
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""What is the quantum-mechanical effect used to encode data on hard-disk drives?""
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"- Howard? - The answer is giant magnetoresistance."
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"Don't you think I should answer engineering questions? I am an engineer."
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"By that logic, I should answer anthropology questions because I'm a mammal."
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""What artificial satellite has seen glimpses of Einstein's predicted 'frame dragging'?""
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"And, of course, it's Gravity Probe B."
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"Sheldon, you have to let somebody else answer."
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"- Why? - Because it's polite."
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"What do manners have to do with it? This is war."
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"Were the Romans polite when they salted Carthage..."
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"...to make sure nothing would ever grow again?"
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