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Clips from Frasier - Can't Buy Me Love (S01E01)

"Oh... You'll be fine. Just go on out there and have a good time."
Frasier
"(Women scream and yell)"
Frasier
"They're gonna have him for breakfast."
Frasier
"(Door opens. Women scream and yell)"
Frasier
"The one who bought me looked crazed."
Frasier
"- Roz! - I saw what I wanted and I went after it."
Frasier
"Having somebody like you in the auction really adds class."
Frasier
"If the bidding gets slow,"
Frasier
"(Women cheer)"
Frasier
"- So, Doc, who bought you? - No idea."
Frasier
"The last thing I remember is someone shouting out:"
Frasier
""Shake your money maker!""
Frasier
"- Number 21. - Ladies, start your engines!"
Frasier
"(Women cheer)"
Frasier
"Yeah. I listen to your show. I'm a big fan of yours."
Frasier
"Well, how... wonderful."
Frasier
"A model! How wonderful! For you..."
Frasier
"That's my new owner."
Frasier
"She's a model."
Frasier
"No kidding. She almost put my eye out."
Frasier
"You're back quick."
Frasier
"But there was still one rawhide chew-toy out there for the Bulldog."
Frasier
"(Doorbell)"
Frasier
"Whoosh!"
Frasier
"Sorry I'm late but I got a call for a job."
Frasier
"No, the job's tonight, but we could have dinner later."
Frasier
"All right."
Frasier
"One more thing. My friend Sandy got called in on the same job"
Frasier
"and she was supposed to look after my daughter."
Frasier
"Sandy will take her when I get back and that'll leave just the two of us."
Frasier
"Kristina, I'm not really sure if I can..."
Frasier
"- I'll make points for this, won't l? - A ton."
Frasier
"- This is my daughter Renata. - Hello."
Frasier
"She's shy at first."
Frasier
"Well, come on in. Have a seat."
Frasier
"Goose liver pâté?"
Frasier
""Renata" that's a pretty name. It must have..."
Frasier
"Can I use your phone?"
Frasier
"We're spending the evening together. Let's make the best of it."
Frasier
"No way! No way!"
Frasier
"That is so fresh."
Frasier
"No way!"
Frasier
"...way!"
Frasier
"Hold on, there's another call. Hello?"
Frasier
"(Irritated) He'll call you back."
Frasier
"- No way! - Who was that?"
Frasier
"I don't know. No way!"
Frasier
"- Another call's coming in. - I'll take this one. Hello?"
Frasier
"It's for you."
Frasier
"Hello? Hey, Tiffany."
Frasier
"That was Tiffany Schwartz. This is Tiffany Martinez."
Frasier
"I celebrate the ethnic mosaic that is America, but nonetheless..."
Frasier
"You've been on the phone for 1½ hours."
Frasier
"I'm supposed to be happy I'm here?"
Frasier
"Her fabulousness dumps me here"
Frasier
"with a total stranger who could be a perv."
Frasier
"I'm not thrilled about it either. And I am not a perv."
Frasier
"You don't get it. She's always doing this. She's a flake."
Frasier
"Now, how about seafood crêpes?"
Frasier
"And she only talks about herself."
Frasier
"I hate to think that when my son's your age, he'll think of me as a..."
Frasier
"Brace yourself."
Frasier
"And if you're having problems with your mother, I'd be glad to listen."
Frasier
"You want me to tell you my problems like those gomers on your show?"
Frasier
"- I even care about you. - Don't make me hurl."
Frasier
"- She tells people I'm younger. - Why do you think she does that?"
Frasier
"So they won't know how old SHE is."
Frasier
"On the way there, she saw a tattoo parlour."
Frasier
"She left me outside to get a butterfly tattooed on her shoulder."
Frasier
"- She forgot I was out there. - How old were you?"
Frasier
"I was apprehensive about going out with you tonight,"
Frasier
"but I'm having a jolly time unless it's the champagne getting to me."
Frasier
"That's the beauty of being in a limo unless the driver's drinking."
Frasier
"- Let's drink to the driver not drinking! - Man, you're really looped... Great!"
Frasier
"(Car horn blares)"
Frasier
"It certainly is taking a long time getting out of this parking lot."
Frasier
"I still can't get over those players. They're positively gigantic."
Frasier
"Not that being tall is the only measure of a man...but it's a bloody good one!"
Frasier
"Oh, dear, I just insulted you, didn't l? Sorry."
Frasier
"- You don't like the champagne? - No, I can see the bottom of my glass!"
Frasier
"Oh, look who I'm saying this to. You don't have an idea in your head."
Frasier
"Now, that is downright rude!"
Frasier
"(Car horn blares)"
Frasier
"unless someone points out when people's manners are remiss."
Frasier
"Don't do that! He's getting out of his car now."
Frasier
"- Ooh, he's a tall one, too. - Roll up your window!"
Frasier
"- (Shouts) Let him go, you big ugly oaf! - Shut up!"
Frasier
"(Thumping)"
Frasier
"Oh... Well, we're moving."
Frasier
"Thank you, Pit Bull! I had a lovely time!"
Frasier
"You know, this cookie dough is not that bad."
Frasier
"Of course, I'm sure later I'll be hurling, but, well..."
Frasier
"- You poor thing. - I'm used to it."
Frasier
"Hi, I'm back."
Frasier
"Renata? I must say, I had a rather enjoyable evening."
Frasier
"You don't get out much, do you?"
Frasier
"You know...I don't think so."
Frasier
"Spend the evening with your daughter."
Frasier
"When we first met, I was attracted by your remarkable beauty,"
Frasier
"but now that I know a bit more about you,"
Frasier
"Excuse me?"
Frasier
"or keep her in some never-never land where everyone is nine forever!"
Frasier
"Yes, she also told me about the time you left her with the coat-check girl."
Frasier
"What kind of mother are you?"
Frasier
"- Who are Tony and Whitesnake? - Our two dogs."
Frasier
"Most nights, I stay home and I help her with her homework."
Frasier
"Except last Saturday, when I took her and her 12 friends ice-skating."
Frasier
"I don't suppose that during that party you got your shoulder tattooed?"
Frasier
"No."
Frasier
"But then, my eyes are tearing up."
Frasier
"- But why would she lie? - Because she's 12 and mad at me."
Frasier
"I wouldn't let her stay home alone."
Frasier
"I probably would have been better off if I had! Some shrink you are (!)"
Frasier
"Oh, by the way, I only have one kidney. Guess who has the other?"
Frasier
"She left."
Frasier
"I was afraid I might walk in on an embarrassing moment."
Frasier
"I was just wondering if my sweet boy is going to be a monster when he's 12."
Frasier
"What the hell brought that up?"
Frasier
"It's a long story. Do you really want to hear it?"
Frasier
"All kids start out cute, then somewhere along the way,"
Frasier
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