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Clips from Frasier - Can't Buy Me Love (S01E01)

"He calls himself a quarterback? I've passed kidney stones more accurately."
Frasier
"He always humiliates me on the air."
Frasier
"How about some real men calling in instead of crybabies like Chuck?"
Frasier
"And you know what we do when we get a house call from the doctor."
Frasier
"(Italian accent) 'Drop your pants, bend over. I take your temperature.'"
Frasier
"- Somebody has to win. - If they were playing this weekend!"
Frasier
"It deserves to be heard by a larger audience. Hee-haw! Hee-haw!"
Frasier
"(Doorbell)"
Frasier
"- Can I assist you in the kitchen? - No, I have everything well in hand."
Frasier
"Uh-uh..."
Frasier
"Hello, all."
Frasier
"Evening. Your brother brought champagne!"
Frasier
"She still wakes up screaming."
Frasier
"- I was just saving the best for last. - Uh-huh."
Frasier
"own cute and cuddly Mr Science!"
Frasier
"All they're getting is a gourmet meal"
Frasier
"Where do I pay?"
Frasier
"Number 20?"
Frasier
"drop a quarter and take a couple of minutes to pick it up, huh?"
Frasier
"Doctor Crane?"
Frasier
"You bought me for $500. That's a lot of money."
Frasier
"I did a layout for "Seattle Style"."
Frasier
"- Are you a photographer? - No, I'm a model."
Frasier
"OK. I live at the Elliot Bay Towers. Around seven?"
Frasier
"I was one of the last guys. The money was running low."
Frasier
"I got to take a squirt. When I come back, we'll play fetch."
Frasier
"Things were slow, so your father asked me to shill."
Frasier
"Kristina. Buonanotte."
Frasier
"I hope you didn't go to too much trouble."
Frasier
"Oh, no!"
Frasier
"- You rented a restaurant trolley. - No, I own it. You don't have one?"
Frasier
"Don't tell me you want me to baby-sit."
Frasier
"Bring the darling in."
Frasier
"(Bell)"
Frasier
"Can I get you, uh... a soft drink?"
Frasier
"No way!"
Frasier
"No..."
Frasier
"Tiffany! You just spoke to Tiffany!"
Frasier
"What's your damage?"
Frasier
"Flake or not, you are in my charge. You should have something nutritious."
Frasier
"Corndog dipped in curare?"
Frasier
"- Have you got any raw cookie dough? - Even more lethal. Let's see."
Frasier
"You wouldn't have gotten anywhere with this gourmet meal routine."
Frasier
"- Dweeb? - Thank you."
Frasier
"- Cool. - Put that in your pipe and smoke it."
Frasier
"Renata, you know...I am a psychiatrist."
Frasier
"- I've been nine for three years. - Really?"
Frasier
"Once she promised to take me ice-skating."
Frasier
"That was the FIRST time I was nine."
Frasier
"What does your father say about this?"
Frasier
"- Is that a musical group or a pet? - It's his new wife."
Frasier
"I have had quite a bit, haven't l? Oh, who cares?"
Frasier
"You're not drinking, are you? He's not drinking."
Frasier
"Did I say this was my first basketball game? I did, four times."
Frasier
"Oh, well, you can take it. You're a tough little nut."
Frasier
"Oh! I did it again. I insulted you."
Frasier
"Let's drink to that. Boom!"
Frasier
"Hey, you there! You in the Firebird! Yes, you, stop that honking!"
Frasier
"Don't aggravate him!"
Frasier
"- (Man) Move it! - Oh, shut your bloody cakehole!"
Frasier
"- Just roll it up! - Oh...! Let him go!"
Frasier
"- Her fabulousness. Want that dough? - I'd better not."
Frasier
"If I gain an ounce, she goes ballistic. She makes me weigh in every morning."
Frasier
"Renata, honey... Sandy's waiting downstairs in the car."
Frasier
"suddenly you don't look so good, sister."
Frasier
"while you're getting tattooed,"
Frasier
"Renata told you that?"
Frasier
"Did it occur to you she might be lying?"
Frasier
"John and Marianne never take her, her father and his new wife."
Frasier
"Is the coast clear? Where's the supermodel?"
Frasier
"Well, it is getting late..."
Frasier
"Roz, could you get my briefcase? I left it in the studio."
Frasier
"Why don't you go get it?"
Frasier
"What do you think he does to me?"
Frasier
"Last week, he introduced me as Martina Navratilova's girlfriend."
Frasier
"Ah! Look who just crawled in: Dr Frasier Crane."
Frasier
"- The Saints. - No."
Frasier
"(Donkey brays)"
Frasier
"Very funny. You should play it on my show."
Frasier
"Hello, Dr Crane."
Frasier
"- I brought this for dinner. - Hey, Niles. You're early."
Frasier
"I put Maris on the train to Chicago. I am desolate without her."
Frasier
"Champagne?"
Frasier
"It goes with all occasions."
Frasier
"Ah, well, lucky everything."
Frasier
"- What would you do? - Take that corn nut off the board."
Frasier
"That's my bishop. Eddie ate the real one."
Frasier
"Oh, Maris left for Chicago already?"
Frasier
"She's been afraid to fly since her harrowing incident."
Frasier
"Did her plane almost crash?"
Frasier
"No, she was bumped from first class."
Frasier
"- Frasier, I got a favour to ask you. - What is it?"
Frasier
"If we could get somebody really famous from the radio station..."
Frasier
"- I'd be delighted to help. - So you'll ask Bulldog?"
Frasier
"I... Well, I mean..."
Frasier
"Don't get me wrong, I was going to ask you, too."
Frasier
"If he back-pedals any faster, he'll trip over his walker."
Frasier
"I really appreciate it."
Frasier
"Oh, a bachelor auction. It'd be fun to pick a man off the block"
Frasier
"to do my bidding and fulfil my every desire."
Frasier
"- Doctor Crane? - I'd love to. I mean... I..."
Frasier
"Uh... Frasier?"
Frasier
"What if no one bids?"
Frasier
"What if you're left standing there with flop sweat trickling down your back"
Frasier
"amidst a great gaping silence?"
Frasier
"(Auctioneer) Our next bachelor on the block is public TV's"
Frasier
"(Women cheer and yell)"
Frasier
"God, the oestrogen level is off the charts out there."
Frasier
"Deep down, chicks are just like guys - we all want the same thing."
Frasier
"Frasier Crane does not put out."
Frasier
"- and a handshake at the door. - Boring!"
Frasier
"My date gets a stretch limo, dinner, floor seats at the Sonics game,"
Frasier
"and these incredible buns of steel. Feel them, Doc. C'mon, feel them!"
Frasier
"Ladies, keep your articles of clothing off the stage."
Frasier
"Show these women celebrity beefcake and they go nutso!"
Frasier
"Typical mob mentality. I hope the fire exits are clearly marked."
Frasier
"Relax, will you?"
Frasier
"Hey, That's T.J. Smith he's a linebacker for the Seahawks!"
Frasier
"They call him "The Enforcer". He's put two quarterbacks in hospital."
Frasier
"- Number 19? - Please don't make me go out there."
Frasier
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