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Clips from 30 Rock - The Natural Order (S03E03)

"told my mother he was leaving forever, and walked out the door."
30 Rock
"Boy, that must be hard... For both of you."
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"He treated her like dirt all those years coming and going,"
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"Every time he came back, I promised myself I would tell him off."
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"And I once made love to Kathy Hilton."
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"Do you... want a hug?"
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"What is this, the Italian parliament? No, thank you."
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"Well, you're a good son. I know she's not easy."
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"Sir, your mother had me move her from the Plaza to the Carlyle."
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"Evidently, the concierge at the Plaza"
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"and she'd rather not get raped."
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"- Please, tell me we've started. - Actually, we're on 2nd run-through."
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"What is this?"
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"Tracy hasn't come back yet, but he sent a gibbon to rehearse in his place."
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"Did you guys know about this?"
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""Dear racist Liz Lemon..."
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""put on this earth to do nothing but dance around for your amusement"
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"I don't know which of these five cell numbers he answers,"
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"but you get Tracy down here right now."
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"Why? The gibbon is on time, he knows his blocking,"
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"and he doesn't try to bite the dancers!"
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"Oh, my god!"
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"Time jump!"
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"when you pull these shenanigans."
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"What do you care? You voted Nader!"
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"This is post-racial America"
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"and I demand to be treated like everyone else."
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"You wanna be treated like everybody else? Fantastic."
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"instead of one of those duck tour boats."
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"Fine, I'll bring my lunch from home."
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"And be here tomorrow at 10:00 a.m., and know your lines."
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"Fine, but I'll have the last laugh."
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"Grizz, it was a year ago. You're engaged now."
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"Just drop it, OK."
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"It's not my job to protect his feelings."
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"I told you she would turn cold. She's an ice queen."
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"One, he won't show up tomorrow,"
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"and you'll look like a fool in front of your crew."
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"Or two,"
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"he will show up..."
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"and find an even worse way to act out."
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"- I'm here to pick you up for dinner. - No dinner."
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"I know. I met him."
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"And he also said we had a reservation for dinner tonight."
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"Colleen, can I borrow one of your ties?"
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"Mother, I didn't realize you were bringing a companion along."
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"Companion?"
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"How fancy."
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"I'll call the restaurant. See if they can seat a third wheel."
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"Another day done."
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"I feel like we're half-assing this."
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"- So you're just letting him go? - Don't worry."
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"What? Really?"
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"When the waiter brought over the food, he said, "abbondanza"."
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"I know it's a stressful time for you and your mother..."
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"- It's America's Australia. - Come on, maybe he just likes her."
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"Some men like older women."
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"Let's... not make this about you."
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"- Tracy's here already? - I guess so."
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"I'm going to do a valentino cross, camera right,"
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"3:15."
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"- Listen, about yesterday... - No. Do not apologize."
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"In fact... Everyone gather around."
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"I want to publicly thank you,"
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"for you have shown me"
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"everyone should be treated exactly the same."
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"No one should get preferential treatment."
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"I agree. Exactly."
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"Not black comedy superstars."
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"Not Indians."
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"Not whatever this guy is."
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"- And not women. - I'm right there with you."
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"Could I trouble you for some water?"
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"- Equality. - What?"
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"You should change it."
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"I know how to do this."
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"No one help her!"
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"Thanks for meeting me here."
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"staking out a cheating husband?"
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"So... what have you got for me."
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"it's the weirdest case I've ever worked."
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"- Bird owner? - No, he's clean."
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"- What? - I've never seen anything like it."
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"But this guy... No priors, no debts."
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"He's been married to his wife Louise for 35 years."
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"He's married?"
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"But this Paul Brett guy, he's..."
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"Someone's in a little mariachi band today."
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"But then one day, I picked up one of her piglets."
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"that I kept tied around my belt to feed squirrels."
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"Tracy did that thing with the water on purpose."
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"Grizz and Dotcom warned me he would act out."
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"Hello, Liz Lemon."
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"- because you're a woman. - Well, thank you. Of course I don't."
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"I'm sorry... were you holding back something?"
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"Our farts, to start with."
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"Also, we didn't invite you to Lutz's fake bachelor party."
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"What?"
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"- But I wanna have a bachelor party. - You should have invited me."
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"It's not fair... that you didn't."
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"I'm glad that we're having this conversation,"
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"because we live in a world"
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"God, what is that smell?"
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"Dear lord, Frank!"
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"It's like orange-flavored egg! It's in my mouth!"
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"Good. We're learning."
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"Well, I pay you a little less, yes."
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"I mean day-to-day. Do you coddle me?"
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"In some ways."
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"With a man, I can be more direct, but with you..."
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"I have to have a conversation, talk things through more."
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"Gimme an example."
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"Well..."
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"Right now comes to mind."
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"cause I have something I want you to look at."
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"It's a marriage certificate."
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"It's Paul's..."
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"marriage certificate, my mother's boyfriend?"
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"- He's married. - What?"
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"I have an opportunity here,"
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