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Clips from Veep - Fundraiser (S01E01)

"-Yes. -Okay."
Veep
"Are we pushing the whole cornstarch utensils campaign now?"
Veep
"Oh! And today with the senators, don't forget to smile."
Veep
"-Probably. -Yeah. Ugh."
Veep
"then the Veep has landed."
Veep
"He has so many tubes in him, he looks like a set of bagpipes."
Veep
"-Senator Phil Dorsey, 2:00. -I'm not a sniper."
Veep
"-I would love a coffee. -You got it."
Veep
"MAN: Madam Vice President."
Veep
"Can you do that? Can you do that? Can you get Hallowes now?"
Veep
"Of course I can. You can just shut it down."
Veep
"-Yeah. Go, go, go. -Shut it down."
Veep
"-Yeah. -What?"
Veep
"Thank you, Dan. Yeah."
Veep
"-They are awful. -(LAUGHS)"
Veep
"-Oh, it's so easy. -Too quick, I didn't see it."
Veep
"I meant, um, Carol."
Veep
"(SCOFFS) Oh, come on. They're not gonna pull funding over this."
Veep
"to the guys who make toothbrushes"
Veep
"Watch this. Uh, Senator Reeves just died."
Veep
"Rapey Reeves."
Veep
"And he grabbed my left tit."
Veep
""I'm melting. I'm melting.""
Veep
"-No. -No."
Veep
"Oh, I wasn't asking you out. I don't want you to think"
Veep
"Yeah, 'cause you need to put it up on that star chart on your refrigerator."
Veep
"-The White House would like... -Hang on just a second."
Veep
"The White House would like you to attend a 6:00 pm."
Veep
"Yeah, Clean Jobs, Yemen, mission to Mars."
Veep
"So no going home to walk your dog."
Veep
"I cannot believe you are dating your boss's daughter."
Veep
"This doesn't come from me, okay, so just do it."
Veep
"Relax, you're really good at Senate vote reform."
Veep
"-Hit the verbs. -Thank you, I've got it."
Veep
"Hi. Oh!"
Veep
"as I'm sure you're aware,"
Veep
"SELINA: No, he of course doesn't."
Veep
"Okay, let me put it this way, Sam,"
Veep
"Oh, boy. It seems with that cornstarch tweet, we were hoist by our own retard."
Veep
"Who the fuck is pretty boy? Who the fuck is pretty boy?"
Veep
"-Come on. -MIKE: Let's just roll."
Veep
"-And smile, though. Smile, smile. -Wonderful job."
Veep
"-Surround me. -Okay, I've got it. I've got it."
Veep
"SELINA: Well then, start the process."
Veep
"I don't have time to ignore you, Jonah."
Veep
"I have a condolence card for Senator Reeves' widow."
Veep
"Mr. Burton, love to bring you into my office."
Veep
"-Gary, we are going to need two coffees. -Okay."
Veep
"Guys, a man is dead."
Veep
"AMY: Can you please keep your eye on him, please?"
Veep
"See what I'm doing?"
Veep
"Um..."
Veep
"'Cause I think that I signed my name."
Veep
"-No, no, no, Gary! -Gary, what are you doing?"
Veep
"to the fucking fire truck."
Veep
"The level of incompetence in this office is staggering."
Veep
"We are going to get the card back and replace it with a new one."
Veep
"Because I am busy in there apologizing to that"
Veep
"right above climate control and child trafficking."
Veep
"Oh, my gosh, is this gonna become like Moonlighting?"
Veep
"Well, good luck, Gary. I am convinced that you can probably do this."
Veep
"SUE: Want me to ring through, tell them you're coming?"
Veep
"I don't think you are."
Veep
"-Go, Gary. -Well done, buddy."
Veep
"Yeah, although I did have to make a deal with Jonah."
Veep
"For me, that was 12 years of marriage."
Veep
"-I'll get you guys a motel. -Ugh."
Veep
"I have offered Dan a permanent post"
Veep
"Okay? It's one of my languages."
Veep
"Dan is manipulative. He is cunning."
Veep
"Did Dan tell you that this is your Cuba?"
Veep
"-You are so going to regret... -Amy, I need a shit."
Veep
"Actually, she's not my girlfriend anymore."
Veep
"SELINA: And, uh, who else is confirmed?"
Veep
"ls Senator Dorsey confirmed?"
Veep
"And Senator Lucas was a maybe, but now he's definitely a definitely."
Veep
"-Oh! That's awfully nice. -Yeah, it's growing as we speak."
Veep
"-Yeah, okay, let's go talk filibuster reform. -(CHUCKLES)"
Veep
"No, the Vice President does not have a sliver of daylight in her schedule today."
Veep
"-Bye, Sue. Hey, Mike, Mike. -Yeah?"
Veep
"Yes, ma'am. We've got a whole online thing."
Veep
"-The inter-nerds are on it. -Okay, good."
Veep
"Yeah, is that a poppy seed there in your teeth?"
Veep
"-Oh! -What?"
Veep
"-Senator Bixby is coming. -Oh, good."
Veep
"-Great. -Ma'am, this is a fork."
Veep
"-And you know that he's our tour guide. -He's the tour guide."
Veep
"-Right. Yes, yes, yes. Of course. -Remember?"
Veep
"This is the new cornstarch fork, ma'am."
Veep
"I got the cornstarch spoon, too."
Veep
"Could we maybe table tableware for now, Gary,"
Veep
"-and focus on filibuster reform? -No, no, no, but, Amy, look."
Veep
"Look at this. This is classic Clean Jobs stuff."
Veep
"I mean, if I can get cornstarch utensils in most federal buildings by the fall,"
Veep
"That is what we are working on, landing you."
Veep
"-Yeah. -Like a big, beautiful eagle."
Veep
"(SIRENS BLARING)"
Veep
"-You want your scarf? -No."
Veep
"-Are you sure? It looks really pretty... -No, I don't want it."
Veep
"And what about Senator Reeves? Is he dead yet?"
Veep
"Not yet. He's mostly intravenous."
Veep
"-Let me take your coat. -Want to take our coats?"
Veep
"Here's your glasses."
Veep
"What do you think?"
Veep
"Glasses on for the intellectual look?"
Veep
"-Focused? -A woman with vision."
Veep
"-I like your glasses. -No, glasses make me look weak."
Veep
"-Yeah, I agree. Yeah. -It's like a wheelchair for the eye."
Veep
"Okay, senators, let the reforming commence."
Veep
"-AMY: We're expecting 50 or 60. -Oh, good."
Veep
"Is this the right room? Are we early?"
Veep
"-Philip. -Ah, Madam Vice President. Welcome."
Veep
"Thank you."
Veep
"-Oh, you remember my Chief of Staff, Amy. -Oh, Amy, it's nice to see you."
Veep
"His daughter Emily just graduated from Harvard."
Veep
"-Tell me, how is Emily? -Oh, she's good."
Veep
"-Oh, good. -Can I get you something to drink?"
Veep
"Okay, thank you. What's going on, Amy?"
Veep
"There aren't enough people to fill a fucking canoe in here."
Veep
"Okay."
Veep
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