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Clips from The Simpsons - The Principal and the Pauper (S09E09)

"- Why are you all dressed up? - I'm sick of this house, and I'm sick of you!"
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"- Put on your special suit and get in the car! - Yes, Mother."
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"[All] Surprise!"
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"Happy anniversary, Son."
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"- I surely am. - [Crowd] Ahhh."
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""So, in 1966, a brave young man named Seymour Skinner..."
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"enlisted and shipped out to Vietnam, where he rose to become platoon sergeant. ""
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"- Ralph. - Principal Skinner is an old man who lives at the school."
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"- Lisa. - " Sergeant Skinner was a hero."
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"He risked capture many times behind enemy lines.""
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"Teacher made me go to Principal Skinner's office when I was dirty."
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""And he survived to make it back to Springfield..."
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""Tribute to Seymour Skinner." Pull over, driver."
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"And I'm also well aware that today is Friday."
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"Nevertheless, I have a surprise for you."
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"- [Buzzing] - Ooh! What the-"
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"[Applause, Laughter]"
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"Oh, thank you. What a wonderful night..."
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"[Man] You're not Seymour Skinner."
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"- I'm Skinner. - Seymour? [Sobs]"
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"- Mother! - She's my mother!"
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"[Murmuring]"
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"I'm- [Sighs]"
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"I'm... an impostor."
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"Sergeant Seymour Skinner, U.S. Army."
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"But they said you were killed on that scouting mission."
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"No, just captured. It's kind of a funny story, really."
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"I was sold to China for slave labor."
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"Well, I guess you had to be there."
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"and the embassy shipped me home, and here I am."
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"So what's your story, Seymour, if that is your real name?"
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"- [Gasping] - [Laughing]"
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"to outlaw teenage rudeness may be shocked to learn..."
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"that I, myself, was once a street punk."
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"I come from a town called Springfield."
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"And my dream is to go back and become principal of the elementary school."
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"Some people might call that a pretty corny dream, uh, Sergeant."
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"Well, there's nothing corny about fresh-faced youngsters skipping to school..."
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"Well, sir, if that's corny, then corn me up."
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"[Skinner Narrating] Sergeant Skinner took me under his wing..."
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"Come on!"
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"Come on! Get to the part where you steal his identity."
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"I'm trying to explain how emotionally fragile I was."
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"Oh, it's one of those stories."
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"[Clears Throat] Hello. I'm, uh- I'm-"
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"Seymour, is that you?"
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"[Skinner Narrating] I don't know why I did what I did."
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"But you must be Seymour. Yes. You are Seymour."
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"[Skinner Narrating] As strange as it sounds..."
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"deep down, I think she knew I wasrt her son..."
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"You can have some lima beans as soon as you've cleaned your room."
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"Yes, Mother."
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"I've dedicated myself to living out your dream."
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"or a lavender shirt, but you did take care of Mom."
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"- Here, Mother. Let me help you. - Get your hands off me!"
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"- I'm your son. - I have no son."
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"No! I have one stranger and one fraud."
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"- Take it easy, Mom. - I said, back off!"
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"You better do as she says. She's quick with a hatpin."
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"## [Whistling] Hey, Armin."
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"Oh, now, Bart, you know that's wrong."
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"I don't see how me signing Homer's name is any different..."
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"[Sighs] I guess me punishing you would be somewhat hypocritical."
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"Why don't you just write a 30-word essay on what you've done?"
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"Hey, hey, hey. Easy there, you big impostor."
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"So, uh, um, should I sign my original name?"
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"if you suddenly found out Ned Flanders was an impostor?"
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"What I mean is, to me you're just a stranger..."
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"Oh, I'm sorry, but that's just how I feel."
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"Skinner, do you know anything about being a principal?"
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"well, then, logically, the real me must be far more qualified."
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"- Good enough. - Armin Tamzariars reign of terror is over."
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"Well, before I go, I've got some personal items for you."
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"You belong to the Radio Shack Battery Club."
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"[Chuckles] You've led quite a life, Tamzarian."
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"It's your life. I just kept it warm for you."
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"I poached some fish for your trip, Mr. Tamzarian."
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"[Knocking]"
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"but instead, I'm leaving town forever."
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"No, please. I don't care what you've done."
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"But instead, I'm leaving town forever."
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"as a no-good street punk."
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""The adaptable citizens of Springfield have opened their hearts..."
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"to Principal Seymour Skinner, who"-"
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"Not that one. Idiots."
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"Springfield really beats the old slave-labor camp."
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"I admit Sergeant Skinner seems okay."
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"But Mr. Tamzarian pulled himself up from the streets..."
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"and earned our respect and admiration."
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"- He lied about his name. - His name doesn't matter."
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"I'd sure hate to get a dozen crap weeds for Valentine's Day."
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"Remember, you have to respect him."
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"- He's a war hero. - Ha-ha!"
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"Thank you, Chalmers."
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"than by reciting the Pledge of Allegiance together."
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"Hey, America- [Spoken Lyrics] America."
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"- [Flatulent Sound] - [Laughter]"
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"Well, that's very concise..."
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"but it's an insult to everything I suffered for."
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"Now, take a seat, junior, and listen to someone..."
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"who gave their youth in service of their country."
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"Mrs. Krabappel, the pledge, please."
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"You haven't dealt with women for a long time, have you, Sergeant?"
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"Are you asking me out?"
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"My old neighborhood. Hmm."
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""Oh, yes. Oh, yes."
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"Capitol City's nakedest ladies."
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"- Yowza, yowza." - [Clock Chimes]"
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"[Groans] Seymour, it's 7:30. Where were you?"
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"- A bar, Mom. - I don't know what that is..."
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"but on Fridays, you come straight home after school!"
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"Tonight is silhouette night. Sit there."
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"In the morning. Oh, Mom, I'm borrowing your car."
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"- Good morning, Agnes. - Mmm."
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"Mmm, how's your new son working out?"
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"Hello, ladies. Is this the line for people who wanna bad-mouth Sergeant Skinner?"
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"Oh, now, be fair, Edna. I liked Armin Tamzarian too..."
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"but he was at least as big a weenie as Sergeant Skinner."
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"you could be proud to call your son."
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"- Did you ever tell him that? - Hmm."
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