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Clips from The Simpsons - The Principal and the Pauper (S09E09)

"[Tires Screeching]"
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"[Along With Clock Ticking] Mm, mm, mm."
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"## [Humming]"
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"Good Lord! The rod up that mars butt must have a rod up its butt."
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"But first, before Skinner shows up, I have a secret announcement."
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"It's my 20th year too."
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"- [Groans, Scoffs] - [Door Slams]"
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"I only need one volunteer, Ralph."
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"- These are in honor of his army days. - That explains the flags."
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"Time for our weekly silhouette."
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"And then we go through your bird book and make up silly captions-"
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"- Mmm, what's so special about tonight? - Nothing!"
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"Oh, Mother. [Sniffles]"
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"I love you, Principal Skinner."
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"- ##[Drumroll] - I hope you all brought forks and plates."
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"An enjoyment buzzer. [Laughing]"
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"to share with the people and the town that I love."
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"I have never been happier or prouder to be Seymour Skinner."
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"[Murmuring]"
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"- That man is the real Seymour Skinner. - [Gasping, Murmuring]"
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"It's true. I was in his platoon."
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"After five years in a secret P.O.W. camp..."
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"Since '77, I've been making sneakers at gunpoint..."
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"in a sweatshop in Huhan."
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"That's not a funny story."
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"Anyhow, the U.N. shut the factory down last week..."
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"Well, obviously it isn't. My real name is Armin Tamzarian."
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"before I wound up in front of a judge."
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"They gave me a choice:"
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"You trying to get yourself killed, Tamzarian?"
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"My dreams all involve combing my hair."
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"scraping knees and spelling bees..."
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"and pies cooling softly on the windowsill. [Chuckles]"
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"And when they told us he was missing..."
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"My life lost all meaning."
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"[Clears Throat] Sergeant Skinner meant the world to me."
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"Don't walk on the rugs!"
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"That's pretty much what I was planning to do there, Armin."
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"I didn't dream anything about an aqua suit..."
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"- Please, Mom. - You too, stranger!"
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"Look, lady, you obviously have at least one son."
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"Uh, well, hey, I suppose I'll have to find a hotel."
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"I won't hear of it. Tonight you can sleep on the floor of your office."
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"Miss Krabappel sent me. I forged my dad's signature on my report card."
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"from you using Sergeant Skinner's name."
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"[Beeping]"
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"Just put an "X," then call yourself whatever the hell you want."
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"Well, now, there's no need for profanity."
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"Not to us you're not. I mean, how would you feel..."
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"- Who's Ned Flanders? - My next-door neighbor. Religious guy?"
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"I've called this assembly to announce my retirement..."
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"effective as of the end of this sentence."
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"This sentence I'm speaking... right now."
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"- Period. - [Gasping, Murmuring]"
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"Well, it's been my lifelong ambition."
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"Now let us welcome our new Principal Skinner, Principal Seymour Skinner."
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"Oh, 10 Canadian dollars. That's a souvenir from your trip to Upstate New York."
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"Oh, I nearly forgot. Your pocket watch."
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"I'll wind her every day."
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"They're full of tiny bones, so I want you to be careful."
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"I will, Moth- uh, Mrs. Skinner. [Sighs]"
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"Well, it's time to pick up where I left off-"
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"[Engine Starts]"
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"[Laughs] Now, to recap our top story in its entirety."
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"[Cheering]"
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"[Cheering]"
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""A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.""
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"- I'd rather have candy. - Not if they were called scum drops."
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"Your new principal would like to say a few words."
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"Nod suggestively. Yes, six. Count 'em."
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"I really just came home to change into a turtleneck."
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"- And have 10 items or less. - Twelve, 11, 10. The mars a weenie."
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"- But he was our weenie. - Now, there was a weenie..."
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"Okay, once more, where are we going?"
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"- Oh, Seymour. - And I'm not Seymour."
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"- Can I see your copy of Swank, Armin? - Yes, you can."
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"Seymour! I didn't bring you up to use language like that!"
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"- You didn't bring me up at all. - The hell I didn't!"
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"[Honking Horn]"
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"- And he's gonna take over the school again! - [Chattering]"
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"This is where I belong."
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"Arert I entitled to a little dignity?"
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"that'll satisfy the town and let Sergeant Skinner keep his dignity."
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"I hereby confer upon you the name of Seymour Skinner..."
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"- Okay. - And I further decree..."
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"before all this happened."
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"under penalty of torture."
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"[Cheering]"
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"I've never been happier or prouder to be Seymour Skinner..."
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"have taught me a thing or two."
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"- Oh, no, we won't! - Yes, Mother."
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"- [Murmuring] - Shh!"
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"-"
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"[Chorus] # The Simpsons #"
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"D'oh! [Screams]"
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"##[Humming]"
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"Mm-hmm."
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"Oh, yeah. ## [Humming]"
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"Mmmmmm."
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"I have it goir on."
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"Ho-ho! Let the good times roll."
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"## [Humming]"
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"Superintendent Chalmers, can I offer you a cup of coffee-flavored Bevarine?"
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"Yes. I take it gray, with Creamium."
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"we've decided to hold a surprise tribute Friday night."
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"[Scoffs] The teachers' lounge is for teachers, Willy."
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"on Principal Skinner's life."
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"Miss Hoover, which one is "oral"?"
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"Out of your mouth, Ralph. Volunteers."
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"- Thank you, Lisa. - No, Miss Hoover. I'm Ralph."
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"Miss Hoover, which one is "one"?"
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"Ralph and I could do the report together."
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"- It's your funeral. - Miss Hoover."
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"Bart, why are you doing that?"
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"Our class is making refreshments for Skinner's party."
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"- What about the dog food? - My theory is Skinner likes dog food."
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"[Groans] Let's bake him a cake."
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"Ooh! A fresh batch of America balls!"
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"7:00, Friday night, Mother."
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"No! Cutting out your ugly nose gives me a hand cramp!"
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