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Clips from The Simpsons - The Principal and the Pauper (S09E09)

"- To Capitol City. - And why are you and the old lady in the car?"
The Simpsons
"We're gonna talk Armin Tamzarian into coming back."
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"- And why is Marge here? - I came up with the idea."
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"- And why am I here? - Because the streets of Capitol City..."
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"- And why are the kids here? - Because we couldn't find Grampa to sit for them."
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"- And why is Grampa here? - 'CauseJasper didn't wanna come by himself."
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"- [Chuckles] Fair enough. - Hello, beautiful!"
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"- In your dreams. - We'll see about that."
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"[Snoring]"
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"Hello, beautiful. [Snoring Resumes]"
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"My mind is made up. I'm not coming back, and that's final."
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"My name is Armin. This is Armirs apartment..."
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"This is Armirs life. Maybe it's not perfect, but at least I'm back where I belong."
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"I was born a no-goodnik, and I'll die a no-goodnik."
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"I've been taking care of you for 26 years!"
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"You're my real son!"
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"You've been my son longer than he has."
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"He doesn't need me, and I don't need him!"
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"You march yourself downstairs and get in that car!"
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"Now, hold on."
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"Armin Tamzarian is an unsavory character who played us all for chumps."
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"All right, all right. So he's a fraud."
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"You're, uh- You're right, Sergeant."
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"Well, I don't see any way out of this."
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"Now, if you'll allow me, I think I have a solution..."
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"- [Train Horn Blowing] - But I'm a hero!"
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"we still have to face the fact that I'm not really Seymour Skinner."
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"Oh, no, we don't. Judge Snyder."
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"By authority of the city of Springfield..."
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"that everything will be just like it was..."
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"And no one will ever mention it again..."
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"- Here, Son. This is yours again. - Mmm."
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"You know, maybe I've been a little too uptight in the past."
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"## [Humming]"
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"Oh, but you love silhouette night."
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"- What does it say on that sign? - I don't like your tone!"
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"[Chattering, Laughing]"
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"When I grow up, I wanna be a principal or a caterpillar."
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"##[Ends]"
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"Now, let's clear this up. Who exactly are you?"
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"Jail, the army, or apologizing to the judge and the old lady."
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"Of course, if I'd known there was a war going on, I probably would've apologized."
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"[Groans] Okay, who wants a piece of me?"
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"You've got your whole life ahead of you. Don't you have any dreams?"
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"I guess I couldn't bear to tell her about her son."
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"Go! Upstairs, third door on the left."
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"Don't judge her too harshly, Sergeant. She was a lonely old woman."
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"A dagger! A dagger through my heart!"
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"[Muttering, Clears Throat]"
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"- Oh, you mean Reverend Lovejoy. - No, I don't!"
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"- pretending to be something he's not. - Mmm."
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"- Thank you. - Well, now, I don't know."
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"Mother's picture is still inside. Take good care of her."
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"[Sighs]"
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"Mmm."
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"- Good-bye. - Mmm."
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"Six gorgeous ladies just dying..."
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"That child is the most disobedient, smart-alecky, middle-aged man in creation!"
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"are no place for three unescorted ladies."
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"I gave half my life for you people."
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"- And we salute you for it. Now, don't come back. - [Cheering]"
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"I'm glad you understand."
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"[Woman] Seymour, tell me what time it is, now!"
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"- Mm-hmm! - [Murmuring]"
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"- [Yells] - What the-"
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"You look different somehow."
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"If you must blame someone, blame me."
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"I wrongfully usurped Sergeant Skinner's position..."
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"Good evening, Edna. I know we were planning to see a film tonight..."
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"- I'm sorry, Seymour. - ##[Marching Band]"
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"In honor of Seymour's 20th year as principal..."
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"- Principal Skinner? - Up yours, children."
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"Well, this is a lovely gesture, but..."
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"You all seem to be forgetting that I am Seymour Skinner."
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"Tonight we're going for a drive."
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"I'm an orphan from Capitol City, and those who recall my fight..."
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"Oh, gosh, son. Everybody's got dreams."
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"[Siren Stops]"
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"- Not if you called 'em stench blossoms. - Or crap weeds."
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"You can't ask me to disappear because you like some other guy better."
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"but these last few days as that hotheaded rogue Armin Tamzarian..."
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"Why don't you lead us, son?"
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"- Yes, Mother. - And the rest of you too!"
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"- Nope, not me. - I guess not."
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"And for the tribute, I need a volunteer to present an oral report..."
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"- [Clangs] - [Ringing In Tune]"
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"[Cheering]"
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"- [Gasps] Skinner! - Skinner?"
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"[Thinking] Keep looking shocked and move slowly towards the cake."
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"- Yeah. The way I was headed, it was just a matter of time... - [Siren Wailing]"
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"presumed dead, my future died once again."
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"Well, that's about it. And so, for the past 26 years..."
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"My name may have changed, but I'm still the same man I was last week."
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"- Uh, him. - [Cheering]"
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"And if a man pretending to be me could do it..."
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"Thank you. Thank you. I must say, in many ways..."
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"They're not even wearing a smile."
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"Seymour, sit!"
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"[All] Yes, Mrs. Skinner."
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"No, don't apologize. It's time I stopped pretending."
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"Hey, everybody, look! Armin Tamzariars back!"
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"Armirs liquor, Armirs copy of Swank, Armirs frozen peas."
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"Well, from now on, you're gonna see a new Seymour Skinner."
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"You are still the master of deception."
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"Well, I'd better be going."
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"And l-I felt it was my duty to deliver the grim news to his mother."
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"as well as his past, present, future and mother."
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"[Chomping Loudly]"
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"Why are we stopping at my school, Mother?"
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"Now, I know the school normally serves cake only on Thursdays."
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"[Laughs]"
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"He's not crazy. It's true."
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"where he became the fine educator we salute tonight.""
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"Will someone remove that crazy man, please?"
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"- [Shouts] - [Tires Screeching]"
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"and showed me that life was won'th living."
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"He made me believe I might have a future after all."
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"but the lie made us both happier than the truth ever could have."
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"You're still a decent, honorable man."
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"- That's the kind of talk that makes me want to marry you. - Oh!"
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