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Clips from The Office - Motivation (S02E02)

"For your own needs you've told Dawn to shut down the reception at five. You haven't told these people they can pick up the phone if it rings."
The Office
"- I mean does Dawn know that they can do their own post? - Dawn, they can do their own post tonight."
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"It's no use telling her now. It's just there's no system in place."
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"- You're not thinking things through. I'm tired of this fuzzy thinking, David. - Allright. Chill out. Don't have a cow, mate."
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"Don't talk to me like you've forgotten who's in charge here. Let me remind you I'm your boss, ok?"
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"- Yeah. - Just try and think things through."
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"That was your fault. Took the rap for you, didn't I?"
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"Once, right, when Bruce Lee was filming, one of the extras just came over and just started a fight."
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"Oh yeah I know this. He was amazing at kung fu but Bruce Lee just did a roundhouse on him..."
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"Man, those cats were as fast as lightning."
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"You know when he's fighting Chuck Norris in "Enter The Dragon"...?"
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"- No. - You've not seen that?"
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"- No. - Have you not...? I can't.. That is a classic."
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"No. Not seen him fight Chuck Norris in "Enter The Dragon", I've seen him fight Chuck Norris in "Way Of The Dragon.""
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"- That's what I meant. - Is it?"
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"Why did you say you'd seen him fight Chuck Norris in "Enter The Dragon"."
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"- So when he's fighting Chuck Norris... - in what?"
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"- In "Way Of The dragon." - Correct, at last."
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"- Um... - You know Bruce Lee's not really dead, don't you?"
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"Yeah it's in a book. What he did was he faked his own death so that he could work undercover for the Hong Kong police"
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"- infiltrating drugs skanks and the triads. - I reckon it's true."
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"Yeah I reckon it's true coz if you were gonna send someone undercover to investigate the triads"
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"you'd probably want the world's most famous chinese film star!"
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"Gone off Dawn now, have you?"
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"- What? - What? What are you talking about?"
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"Just shut up. Shut up."
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"Do a credit check. We haven't worked with them for ages."
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"- We're going out about 4 o'clock aren't we? - Yeah."
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"- Oi, Tim. - Mm?"
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"- You shagged her yet? - What?"
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"- Your bird? What's her name? - Rachel?"
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"- Have you done her yet or what? - Course he hasn't."
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"I don't kiss and tell, Lee. I bet you bloody have, ain't you?"
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"Lips are sealed. Don't ask me."
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"He's done well there."
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"- What do you mean done well? - She's tasty. She's nice."
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"- But you don't even know her. - No I mean she's very attractive."
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"and then I'll go, "Right! you have to be thick-skinned in business.""
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""It doesn't matter if you're the tea-boy or the general manager, people will try and rock your confidence and shake your spirit."
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""Do not listen to them. Let's try a little exercise.""
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"And I'll just go into the audience and I'll pick on someone at random. I'll just go "You sir. What's your name?""
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"- Say your name. - Leroy."
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"- Where's Leroy come from? - The coloured fellow of "Fame"."
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"- Use your own name. - Gareth."
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""Hi, Gareth. Gareth. Insult me. Let me show you that sticks and stones may break my bones"
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""but names will never hurt me.""
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"The Swindon lot don't seem to respect you."
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"Why would they say that? They don't know me. They're not gonna know.. and it's not true. Do something else."
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"- You going to be wearing the earring? - They're having a go at that as well, are they? What else?"
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"- They've given you a nickname. - The Swindon lot?"
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"- Yeah but everyone's using it. - What is it?"
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"- Bluto. - The villain from Popeye?"
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"- 'Cause of the beard? - Because he's..."
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"- What's that? That's.. I can't believe this. - They'll know it was me that told you! David!"
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"Hello. Sorry, everybody."
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"But if there's one thing I don't like, it's nicknames."
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"Because nicknames are bad... names."
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"Yeah? They're not helpful."
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"They can be very hurtful. Not to me - it's like water off a duck's back, but..."
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"- You know, he was a great detective and a fine actor. - Well maybe "Mr Toad" is affectionate."
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"- Who's Mr Toad? - Some people call you that as well."
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"- I thought I was Bluto? - Yeah. Bluto and Mr Toad."
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"There's the face again. What..? It's an insult, isn't it? Very..."
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"body fascism is what that is. The toad is the ugliest of all the amphibians."
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"If we're handing out insults for being fat, let's have a go at him."
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"Look at him. And he's got glasses. Let's call him four-eyes as well."
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"Why don't we call him fatty fatty toad boy? If we're.. you know at least start on him and then move on..."
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"- Everything adding up? - Yeah. It was a real mess beforehand."
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"- On top of it now? - Yes."
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"- How about you, Brenda? How's things? - Yeah allright, but I didn't get my wages through again."
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"- Did you not? Really? Did you tell David? - Yes. I told him in time."
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"I'm really sorry about that. Let me sort that for you now."
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"- I don't want to cause... - No don't worry. It's fine."
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"- Working hard? - Working out."
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"- Fit body. Fit mind. - Good. Couple of things."
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"- Did your wages go through ok this month? - Yeah."
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"Good. So you two are ok. Why, then, has one of your team come to me saying they haven't been paid this month?"
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"Oh. Eh?"
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"No."
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"He fears my methods because he doesn't understand my methods. Human nature. The unkown. Sure, but relax."
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"I don't want all this, "What are you doing? How are you doing it?""
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"No. Judge me by my results."
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"- Now it worries me that someone feels they have to go over your head and to come to me. - Snitches."
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"I've never seen you write anything down. You've got two computers. I don't even know what you use them for."
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"- You've got to have some sort of system. - It's all up there."
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"- Yea but it's not all up there, is it? - Most of it is."
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"our perception of your branch was "they're having a laugh"."
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"- Thanks very much. - Not in a good way."
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"Having a laugh. Mucking around at the expense of Wernham-Hogg."
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"I'm not interested in that, David. I get the impression that you'd rather be popular than steer the ship in the right direction."
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"Rubbish. This branch has performed very well."
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"It performed ok. I want it to perform a lot better."
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"There you go. What is "better?" Coz I could show you a graph of people versus task, and where does the line go?"
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"The line goes where I want it to go. Now if you can't improve your margin and your volume sales, with or without making people laugh -"
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"Is this why you're around all the time? Keeping tabs on me? Coz I don't need a babysitter."
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"Now I'm aware of this management training thing you're doing tonight and I'm worried it's gonna affect your performance at work."
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"That's extracurricular, you know. Some people play golf."
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"- Well I play golf. - There you go."
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"- I'm performing as I want me to perform. - I don't want you to perform like that. - It's a good performance. Let's agree to disagree."
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"No. Let's agree that you agree with me."
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"Ooh. You're hard. Showing off because..."
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"I think I've made my point, David. I'll see you later."
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"- What are you doing? - You're a bit tense."
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"I am with him..."
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"- Do some more work on your abs? - Not now."
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"- Is he ready yet? - Who?"
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"- David. - I dunno."
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"- "We" is? - Me and Rachel."
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"- Rachel. Excellent. Just a couple of pints. - Couple of pints. We won't go mad."
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"Well, uh.. think of me, stuck with... you should come for a laugh."
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"- All right, babes. - See you later."
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"See you later. Wish us luck on our date."
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"Not a date. She's got a boyfriend. And I'm paying her. What sort of date would that be? I think you know."
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"Not that I would, coz you would't... Everything, I imagine."
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"I'm not imagining any of it, but I do know what sort of.. I'm just.."
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"Ok then. There we go. Carry that. That's what you're being paid for."
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"Tonight you've got two groups. They're both from Reading, I think."
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"The other three guys have all done it before, so..."
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"- I'll introduce you when they get here. - I love being backstage."
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"Can we just take a photo? It's for the website and the newsletter, if that's ok?"
The Office
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