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Clips from The Office - Motivation (S02E02)

"The reason I put ""lf" it's in you I'll find it" is if I waste good time and money looking for it"
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"- What's going on here? - What does it look like?"
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"- Like what? - Specifically?"
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"- Do I look like a fisher price man? - Yeah!"
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"- Hi, Dawn. - Hi."
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"- What did I say? - Hit cancel."
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"Well no. He smashed him through a wall. And instead of firing him, he just said, "go back to where you were. Let's get on with the filming.""
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"He fights Bob Wall in both, but Norris is only in "Way Of The Dragon.""
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"She's not very attractive."
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"I think Ray will introduce me and I'll come out and I do a bit of.. a few gags,"
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"Just throw some insults at me and I'll show you how to roll with the punches."
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"- Lot of people are laughing at the heels on your shoes. - I'm not going to be wearing these shoes, am I?"
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"- Well, I don't really... - Oh come on. What is it?"
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"Look, we are one big happy family here."
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"I've been trying to welcome you new guys."
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"I didn't want you here, but you're here now, so well done. Welcome."
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"- you used to call Malcolm "Kojak". - That was affectionate."
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"Why am I Mr Toad?"
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"Mr Toad! I can't..."
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"- Yours, Gareth? - Yup. Fine."
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"This is not the first time you've forgotten something important. It's not the first time this week."
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"Look David, I'll tell you now. When I was managing the Swindon branch,"
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"you can't do that, you and I are going to have a very serious chat."
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"Well, with respect, David, I think you do."
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"- Does that feel nice? - Yeah, but..."
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"- So what are you doing tonight? - I think we're just gonna go to the pub."
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"- We'd better stay out of it. - Definitely. Wise."
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"- No problem. You gotta take a light reading? - I think it'll be ok."
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"To begin with, from Sound Investments, Mr Mark Found."
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"Your future hasn't happened yet. You shape it. You're in the driving seat."
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"You're all looking at me, and you're going, "You're a success.""
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""You've achieved your goals. You're reaping the rewards." Sure, but.."
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"that the spiritual side needs as much care and attention as the physical side."
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"Let's try that. Who-hoo-hoo."
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"I am now going to make like a banana and split!"
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"Before I go, though, promise me you'll remember one thing."
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"# you're better than all the rest"
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"C'mon! Listen to her."
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"# Tear us apart"
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"# baby, I would rather be dead... #"
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"I'll let you into a little secret now, right? Before I went out there, I was worried whether I still had it."
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"- Well my tastes are quite traditional... - Bit too rock and roll for you?"
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"Better warn you now, that was me on a seven. So wait till you see me on a nine or ten!"
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"- Here's your cheque. - Thanking you. Well, there you go."
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"Oh, I just remembered I can't. I've just remembered something I've got to do."
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"Sorry."
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"No problem. No problem. Um... half an hour?"
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"Another day, another dollar."
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"Any mail?"
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"- That's your... that's an earring. - Whatever. Get over it."
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"- How long have you had that? - Too long, baby."
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"- It's bleeding. - Really stings."
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"- Is it an old one that...? - Yeah and I had to push really hard at the time and it was sort of like frozen."
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"- They heal over. - It had healed over. So I just opened a sore..."
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"- You know some.. what are you looking at? - I'm not looking at anything."
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"We kknow they do sort of training seminars and use expert speakers, don't they?"
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"- They're using me.. for my.. you know.. - expertise."
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"Well the good news for you, young lady, is you're involved."
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"- How? - I'm doing one tonight."
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"- You just said a 100. - 90."
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"- You just said a 100. - All right. Get there early, then."
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"Sharing the wealth, see? Looking after..."
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"that is silly money, 100 for that. I should have..."
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"very exciting. It's what I've always wanted to do."
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"I've had these cards made up."
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""David Brent. Assertiveness and guidance training in business."
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""If it's in you, I'll find it." That's actually what I do."
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"I go along and I just point out what you've already got. I'm like a spiritual guide."
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"and I can see it's definitely not in you, I don't want to be sued because you haven't got it so..you know.."
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"You're not gonna get me on that."
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"- How long has this been going on? When were you going to tell me? - Huh?"
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"I can't believe you'd get off with a bird that I fancy."
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"Why can't you believe that, Gareth?"
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"What I can't believe is a bird fancies you over me, for a start. He's a weird little bloke. Look at his"
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"It makes me think there's something wrong with you, for a start. But yet in my head, I'd still do you, so I'm confused."
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"Allright. I'll ask you straight. Is there anything that can happen between us two while this is going on?"
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"Yeah."
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"Hand job? Don't answer. Think about it."
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"Don't say yeah."
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"- Your favourite computer geek is here. - Jesus!"
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"All right, Simon? How's it going?"
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"What are you doing with my computer?"
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"It's not your computer, is it? It's Wernham-Hogg's."
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"Right. What are you doing with Wernham-Hogg's computer?"
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"- You don't need to know. - No I don't need to know but could you tell me anyway?"
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"- I'm installing a firewall. - Ok. What's that?"
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"and it limits your outbound internet communications. Anymore questions?"
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"- How long will it take? - Why, do you want to do it yourself?"
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"- No I can't do it myself. How long will it take you, out of interest? - It will take as long as it takes."
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"- How long did it take last time...? - It's done."
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"Now i'm gonna switch it off, when it comes back on it'll ask you to hit yes, no or cancel."
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"- Hit cancel. Do not hit yes or no. - Right."
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"- Did you hear what I said? - Yup."
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"Um... I'm an educator."
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"I'm a motivator of people. I excite their imaginations."
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"It's like bloody "Dead Poet's Society" sometimes out there. You know at the end, when they all stand on the tables and.."
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"I wouldn't want them on the tables, literally.. it's against health and safety, for one thing."
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"My point is this. Life is about communication. We live for threescore year and ten"
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"and it's "did I communicate?" "yes you did." "Did I get something across?" "yes you did.""
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""Are you going to pay me for it?" "Yes. Lots." "Thanks very much". Not why I do it, but thank you."
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"- Going go-karting again at weekend with the lads. - Oh yea. What, down Super Karts?"
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"- Mm. - You any good?"
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"Came first last time I went. 8:51 minutes. Got a certificate."
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"Yeah well I went down there the first day it opened, right. And I did a couple of laps, I pulled over."
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"The bloke that runs the thing came over and said, "allright, no professionals." I took my helmet off and said, "I'm not a professional.""
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"He said, "You're not a professional? I said "No". He said "Well you should be"."
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""If I was you I'd take up formula one. If you drive like that you'll probably be the best in the country.""
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"I said, "I'm not interested. I'm making shitloads out of computers.""
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"You ever tried speedway?"
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"- Have you? - Yeah."
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"- I was doing it once, and I bombing it round and some idiot had left like a ramp thing out. - Litterbugs."
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"I could see the people were going, "Oh my god! If that guy hits that ramp going at that speed, he's definitely dead.""
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"I hit the ramp, I took off in the air, I turned over in the air. They were going, "Well he's definitely dead now.""
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"I landed on my wheels, pulled over and said "What were you worried about?""
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"- About five? - Five."
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"- Dawn tells me she's shutting down the reception at five. - Well just half hour early today."
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"- Do you think it can run ok without her? - Yeah. They can answer their own phones, do their own post-it notes."
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"- Oh that's good. So we can probably lose her altogether, can we? - What do you mean?"
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"- Well if you don't need a receptionist we might as well let her go.Either she's needed or she's not. - We do need a receptionist."
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"Well my point is, David, you haven't put a system in place."
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