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Clips from How I Met Your Mother - Glitter (S06E06)

"so you can sit there alone, crying and clenching your knees."
How I Met Your Mother
"Wayne, our camera guy... he wasn't that great."
How I Met Your Mother
"I don't know. I think he did a pretty good job..."
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"considering he was probably only using one hand."
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"You know what? I feel bad for you Americans..."
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"that you can look at this wondrous and educational adventure through space..."
How I Met Your Mother
"and see something obscene."
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"Can you just please try to look at this with the innocence of a child?"
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"- Innocence of a child. Got it. - Here we go."
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"you've got to use multiplication."
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"Okay, Space Teens, let's multiply."
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"- Five times six? - Ooh, 30."
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"Yesl Seven times four?"
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"- [Glitter] Twenty-eightl - [Man] Keep going."
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"- Eight times nine? - Seventy-two!"
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"Don't stop nowl Almost there."
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"Twenty-three times three?"
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"- [All] Hey! - What are you doing?"
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"I'm sorry. We gotta ration this."
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"It's like we're on a desert island and this video is a really hot, naked chick..."
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"and she's got, like, seaweed on her and a seashell bra."
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"You all feel me."
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"Hey, if you and Jessica are B.F.F.'s, how come we've never met her?"
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"Okay, well, it was a long time ago, okay?"
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"I get a Christmas card from her every year, but we're not really friends anymore."
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"But B.F.F.'s are forever."
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"Oh, come on, Lily. Nobody stays friends with their high school friends."
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"- I'm still friends with Punchy. - Dude, he lives in Cleveland."
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"You see him once a year, at which point he punches you really hard in the arm..."
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"and tells everyone how you dookied your pants."
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"I know on paper he sounds great, but you guys aren't really friends."
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"Look, I may not see him a lot, but it doesn't matter."
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"- [Beeping] - Observe."
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"- [Cell Phone Rings] - Schmosby!"
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"- Punchy! - Schmosby!"
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"- Punchy! - Schmosby!"
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"- Punchy! - Hey, good talkin' to you, Ted."
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"We are just two peas."
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"I don't get it. How can you and Glitter just stop being friends?"
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"- Best friends don't do that. - Well, we did, okay?"
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"I gotta go."
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"What do you think came between Robin and Jessica?"
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"Much like our friends, the Space Teens..."
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"I think I can solve this crime with math."
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"Okay. Okay, here is a Christmas card that Jessica sent Robin."
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"- Lily, how old would you say that kid is? - Four years, three months."
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"Which means Jessica got pregnant five years ago..."
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"right around the time she and Robin stopped being friends."
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"Of course. Robin hates kids."
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"The last thing she would wanna do is hang out with some little brat."
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"Thus, if I may... [Clears Throat]"
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"When Glitter's womb a fruit did bear..."
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"Robin said, "To hell with this, I'm outta h-hare.""
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"- Glitter got pregnant, so Robin dumped her. - Oh!"
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"Wow. That's gotta be it. Right, Lil?"
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"- Lil? - Robin's gonna dump me."
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"- Oh, sweetheart. - [Crying]"
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"Aha! When a second uterus plumped becomes..."
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"Dude."
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"Feel the room."
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"[Murmurs]"
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"- No. - We've been waiting all day."
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"Just watch it without me."
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"Two dudes on the couch together watching porn? That's kinda weird."
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"Okay, it's not porn. It's a kid show."
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"- Two dudes watchin' a kid show might be worse. - [Barney Laughs]"
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"- [Sighs] Okay, fine. I'll watch it with you. - Yah!"
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"- I'm serious! - We... [Imitates Beep]"
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"Hey, Jessica. How's your beaver?"
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"Great. How's your beaver?"
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"Busy as ever."
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"[Ted, Barney Stifling Laughs]"
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"- Our characters had pet beavers. - [Giggles]"
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"- Sure. - The beaver is the official animal of Canada."
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"- [Giggling] - It's their national mascot."
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"It's a noble creature."
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"Okay, girls."
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"Everyone knows a beaver's favorite food is wood."
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"I just hope we brought along enough of it for a three-day galactic space journey."
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"So let's do the math."
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"If Robin's beaver devours six inches of wood every half hour..."
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"and Jessica's beaver devours eight inches of wood every 45 minutes..."
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"how much wood will I need to keep both of these beavers well fed all weekend long?"
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"[Ted, Barney Laughing]"
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"[Robin Sparkles] While you figure it out at home..."
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"how about we sing you a song about our beavers?"
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"- [Giggling] - Hey..."
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"- [Both] Hey! - You do not get to hear the beaver song!"
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"It is a sweet song about friendship, and you guys are being disgusting!"
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"- And beavers are adorable! - No arguments here."
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"[Knocking]"
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"'Sup, Schmosby! What's the man doin'?"
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"Punchy, what are ya doin' here?"
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"Well, yesterday you said if I was ever in New York."
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"- 'Sup, turds? - Ew."
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"Okay. Um, uh, where you stayin'?"
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"In your mom's pants. Trick! She's old."
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"Hey, don't worry about me. I'm cool on the couch."
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"- He's staying here? You're staying here? - I know. It's so good, right?"
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"Punchy's here in the flesh. So why don't we get one of these, Ted? Yeah."
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"Remember these? High school."
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"Junior high. Elementary school. Remember those?"
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"- Look, Punchy's here. - Yeah."
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"Hey, Schmosby, remember when you dookied in your pants down by the lake?"
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"[Mimicking Punchy] Hey, Schmosby, remember when you dookied on the couch..."
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"in the form of your idiot high school friend?"
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"[Cackling]"
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"Unbelievable!"
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"Come on. I worry about the guy."
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"He's had the same dead-end job at a car rental place for 15 years."
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"- Don't care. - He's been stuck in Cleveland his whole life."
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"- Get a hotel. - Robin."
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"- LeBron. - [Sighs] Okay. One night."
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"Gotta go."
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"Hey. Where are you goin'? We just got here."
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"- Oh, uh, Korean massage. - By yourself?"
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"Well, I figured you'd be busy reading What to Expect When You're Expecting to Expect."
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"Guys, did you see that? She's going to a Korean massage without me."
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"That's our thing."
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"I'm telling you, she's gonna dump me just like she dumped Glitter."
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