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Clips from How I Met Your Mother - The Wedding Bride (S05E05)

"Oh, no."
How I Met Your Mother
"Hey, what took you guys so long?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Nothing. Forget about it."
How I Met Your Mother
"We were on our way here,"
How I Met Your Mother
"To be nice. Didn't cost nothing."
How I Met Your Mother
"And when the moving van drove away, who should show up"
How I Met Your Mother
"but the owner of the apartment we had just helped some guys rob."
How I Met Your Mother
"And that one was hard to explain to the police."
How I Met Your Mother
"See, Marshall, this is what I mean."
How I Met Your Mother
"You can't treat New York City like it's the small, friendly, crime-free, inbred,"
How I Met Your Mother
"backwoods, Podunk, cow-tipping Minnesota hickville where you grew up."
How I Met Your Mother
"Crime-free? Crime-free?"
How I Met Your Mother
"In 1994, the cashier from the feed store was held up at hoe-point."
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"And besides, I like being friendly, okay? I'm not gonna change that about myself."
How I Met Your Mother
"No, don't change, baby. I think it's sweet."
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"He actually lent the burglars gas money."
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"He gave them money?"
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"Not gave, lent. They said that they would send us a check,"
How I Met Your Mother
"What's to stop them from coming to our apartment one night,"
How I Met Your Mother
"and maybe tying me up?"
How I Met Your Mother
"I mean, sure, Marshall and I like to pretend, but the reality is scary."
How I Met Your Mother
"Why don't you say something to him?"
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"(GROANS) What's the point? He's from Minnesota."
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"- Hey, guys. - Hey, how'd the date with Royce go?"
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"It was interesting. We went to see that new movie, The Wedding Bride."
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"Oh! How was it?"
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"Not that I care. I mean, it's a chick flick."
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"This one will probably drag me to it, like the 7:10 show tomorrow night,"
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"- ROBIN: What's that movie about, anyway? - That's the interesting part."
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"Hey, bonehead! I'm Jed Mosley."
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"I'm the most powerful and corrupt architect in New York."
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"I... (SCREAMING) That's gonna leave a mark!"
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"It's about me."
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"- The Wedding Bride is about you? - Yeah."
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"Okay, are you sure it's about you? Because when I saw Spaceballs"
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"- It was written by Tony Grafanello. - Tony Grafanello? That's..."
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"Yeah, the guy that Stella left me for."
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"This movie is the whole story of our breakup."
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"(LAUGHS) Why would he write a movie about that?"
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"Isn't he the bad guy in that story?"
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"Yeah, and the good guy is a guy named Ted Mosby."
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"Funny, that was my memory of it, too."
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"But, according to the movie..."
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"SECRETARY ON INTERCOM: Mr. Mosley, your fiancée is here."
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"Great. The old ball and chain."
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"I can't wait to make her move out of her beautiful house in New Jersey"
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"and come live with me in an apartment above a bar. Send her in."
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"Ah, Stella. To what do I owe the pleasure?"
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"We're supposed to taste wedding cakes this afternoon, remember?"
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"Ouch!"
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"No-can-do's-ville, babydoll."
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"Whoa!"
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"(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)"
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"(SIGHING)"
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"AUDIENCE: Aw!"
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"- Well, I am stunned. - Right."
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"That's what passes for comedy these days?"
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"Whoa! "I'm falling back in my chair.""
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"(LAUGHING SARCASTICALLY)"
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"- I'm really falling back in my chair. - LILY: Baby."
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"MARSHALL: Okay, that was pretty funny."
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"What a jerk. Did he at least get someone hot to play me?"
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"- You're not in it. - (SIGHING) What a jerk."
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"No, no, no, no, no. Tony's not a jerk, not according to the movie, anyway."
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"I'm going through with this wedding. I'm sorry, Tony."
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"Stella, your happiness is the only thing I care about,"
How I Met Your Mother
"except for these underprivileged children that I work with for free."
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"AUDIENCE: Aw!"
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"I love him."
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"It's not that easy, Tony."
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"Jed Mosley may not be as handsome as you are, or as tall as you are..."
How I Met Your Mother
"...and our sex life is terrible."
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"Once he even fell asleep while we were doing it. I mean..."
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"- What? - Nothing."
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"Remember how I proposed to Stella?"
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"TED: That spontaneous moment in the arcade."
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"I didn't have a ring, so I gave her a toy I won from a crane machine?"
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"- Oh, that was so sweet. - So romantic."
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"A little cheesy."
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"Look, if it'll shut you up, I guess we can get married."
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"Well, aren't you gonna give me a ring?"
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"No-can-do's-ville, babydoll."
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"And remember the two-minute date?"
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"TED: When I squeezed an entire romantic evening"
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"into just two minutes to accommodate Stella 's busy schedule?"
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"- Oh, Ted, you're such a good guy. - That was really nice."
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"Also, a little cheesy."
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"What about our big romantic weekend?"
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"No-can-do's-ville, babydoll."
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"Alls I got time for is a two-minute date, if you know what I mean."
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"Sex."
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"Whoa!"
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"(THUDDING)"
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"(ALL LAUGHING)"
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"(SIGHING)"
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"Hey, if you know what you're doing, two minutes is all you need."
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"Run tell dat."
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"But the worst, the worst, was the ending. So they're at the wedding..."
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"Do you, Stella, take Jed Mosley to be your lawfully-wedded husband?"
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"- I... - Whoa! Spoilers!"
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"Continue."
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"So they're at the wedding."
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"- I... - Stella!"
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"- Tony! - Tony?"
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"Something I need to say."
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"A long time ago, I let this beautiful girl named Stella get away."
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"And now she's with some jerk"
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"who doesn't appreciate what he has in this beautiful, wedding bride."
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"AUDIENCE: Oh!"
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"What is wrong with you people?"
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"Did he say Ted that time?"
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"(SHUSHING)"
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"Stella, I promised to make you my wife. And I'd like to live up to that promise."
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"Oh, Tony, all I've wanted all my life was your love."
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"Oh, go on, honey. Kiss him."
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"- ALL: Kiss him, kiss him, kiss him... - Kiss him, kiss him, kiss him..."
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"Stella, if you still truly love me,"
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"can you let me make you my wedding bride?"
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"Daddy!"
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"(GROANS)"
How I Met Your Mother
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