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Clips from The Simpsons - Grampa vs. Sexual Inadequacy (S06E06)

"...on late night TV? - Is there something wrong, Homie?"
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"Oh, Bart, it's just an old golf umbrella stuck in a tree."
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"...with a baseball bat in case a UFO comes?"
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"Yes, that's fine. Good, good."
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"...political strife at home and abroad."
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"But I promise you the second all those things go away, we'll have sex."
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"I simply can't wait that long. Maybe we should get some help."
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"A tasteful book."
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"Mom, Dad, look!"
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"Rational Thinking, Reasonable Future."
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"Did you know they're real?"
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"It's true."
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"Homie, I can't quite fit."
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"A romantic vacation can provide titillation."
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"Sensual, sanitary seclusion awaits you at any of America 's fine..."
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"...AAA-approved motor lodges."
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"The Arabian Nights Room looks nice."
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"This isn't very erotic. I think it's an actual utility room."
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"What? Sex?"
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"I had sex."
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"Here you go, you ingrate!"
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"Stay there. Call you later. Now, now, now."
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"- Homie, what's...? - Marge, I'll explain to you afterwards."
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"Here he is, Rex Harrison and Paul Anka rolled into one."
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"You said you'd never need them again."
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"This is finally really happening."
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"I doubt very highly that one elixir can boast so many fantastic properties."
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"...at the cyclotron, doctor."
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"And I found something for Milhouse down at the mall too. A pup tent."
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"Oh, boy! Now I can sleep out in the yard!"
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"No doubt a result of the unsanitary conditions..."
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"Nonetheless..."
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"What's going on? Where are all the grownups?"
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"...distilled Don Juan, catalytically carbonated Casanova."
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"Well, then how come his face is on the bottle?"
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"You're a disgrace to the medicine show business."
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"They didn't start chasing us until you turned on that getaway music."
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"You fool. Can't you see it's a massive government conspiracy?"
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"Make a right here."
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"There she is. The old Radiation King."
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"You'd park yourself right there and watch for hours on end."
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"Your whole life, you never said one nice thing to me."
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"All right."
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"- Milhouse. - Okay, here's what we've got."
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"That medicine seems to be giving your son a lot of gas."
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"Son. My dear son."
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"I think Lisa needs another push on her new tire swing."
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"...than your half-assed over-parenting."
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"Dad, it's just that too much of your love can really be..."
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"- I'm sure he meant to say "drinking." - That's what I assumed."
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"...when I actually got to meet Santa Claus."
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"You've done all the damage you're gonna do."
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"No. I'm a screwup. I burned down our house."
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"So are you gonna say something nice now?"
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"If I hadn't taken that stupid tonic 38 years ago..."
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"...you'd have never been born and I'd have been happy."
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"You were an accident!"
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"- I'm sorry I said that. - Out."
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"I'm gonna get out of the car."
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"And I hope you'll find it in your heart not to drive awa..."
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"Well, I'll be all right as long as I can remember my Army training."
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"Dang."
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"I'm sorry."
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"Hi?"
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"Homie, are you really going to ignore Grampa for the rest of your life?"
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"Of course not, Marge. Just for the rest of his life."
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"He said I was an accident. He didn't wanna have me."
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"You didn't wanna have Bart."
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"You're never supposed to tell the child."
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"You tell Bart all the time."
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"But when I do it, it's cute."
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"So finally, we're all in agreement about what's going on with the adults."
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"The Rand Corporation..."
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"...under the supervision of the reverse vampires..."
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"...are forcing our parents to go to bed early..."
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"...in a fiendish plot to eliminate the meal of dinner."
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"We're through the looking glass here, people."
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"Kids, your daddy and his daddy are involved in a very sticky..."
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"...nutty, chewy, chocolatey... Put it away, boy! ...situation."
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"And your daddy has realized something very important."
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"A father should always make his kids feel wanted."
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"Starting now, I promise to spend more time with you..."
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"...and give you the attention you deserve."
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"And feast your ears on this tantalizing testimonial..."
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"...from my own flesh and blood."
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"The son who puts the fun in Simpson & Son..."
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"...my son, Barney."
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"I used to be a fat, disgusting slob."
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"It just ain't the same without Homer."
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"He knew how to drive a car."
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"From now on, I'm going to be a good and attentive father."
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"And for starters, your old man is gonna teach you how to ride..."
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"...your very first bike."
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"Number two: I already own a bike. And number three: That is a girl's bike."
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"You're no girl, you're a boy. A good boy. You can be president."
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"- Scratch that. You will be president! - Dad!"
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"This tire is filthy and the steel belts are poking me."
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"No! No!"
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"No offense, but your half-assed under-parenting was a lot more fun..."
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"But I'm using my whole ass."
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"Here's where it all started to go wrong."
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"How am I supposed to be a good dad when I never had one myself?"
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"Some father."
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"Dad!"
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"This tonic's caused me nothing but trouble."
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"- Dad! - Son!"
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"I'm a screwup. I burned down our house."
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"- We're both screwups. - It doesn't matter."
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"What matters is you were right when you told me..."
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"...I never said anything nice about you."
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"Okay, here it goes."
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"I'm not sorry I had you, son."
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"And I was always proud..."
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"...that you weren't a short man."
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"Oh, Dad."
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"What do you say we roll on the grass, son?"
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"...Goodtime Slim, Uncle Doobie, and the Great Frisco FreakOut..."
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"...starring Troy McClure."
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"...then what happened to the bag with our stash?"
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"There's more than one way to get high, baby."
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