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Clips from Brooklyn Nine-Nine - The Apartment (S01E01)

Being a cop is dangerous.

"Being a cop is dangerous."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I want to apologize.

"I want to apologize."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I haven't been much fun to hang out with

"I haven't been much fun to hang out with"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Over the last year or so

"Over the last year or so"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Yeah, you were a real weirdo. Mm-hmm.

"Yeah, you were a real weirdo. Mm-hmm."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Have a nice dinner.

"Have a nice dinner."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

What are you doing, sergeant?

"What are you doing, sergeant?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

You were completely unfair

"You were completely unfair"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

To my squad today.

"To my squad today."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

And all you wanted to do was play mind games with her.

"And all you wanted to do was play mind games with her."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

But that's 8 more than last year.

"But that's 8 more than last year."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

And he's grown up a heck of a lot since you got here.

"And he's grown up a heck of a lot since you got here."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Okay, sit down, sergeant.

"Okay, sit down, sergeant."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I could learn something from you.

"I could learn something from you."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

You have every right to feel like, um,

"You have every right to feel like, um,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

A proud...

"A proud..."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Mama hen.

"Mama hen."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

[knock at door]

"[knock at door]"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I felt stupid, so I acted out.

"I felt stupid, so I acted out."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

And you should be sorry, jake.

"And you should be sorry, jake."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

With her strong woman friends

"With her strong woman friends"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Not for me.

"Not for me."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Where are you gonna live?

"Where are you gonna live?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I'll sublet from you.

"I'll sublet from you."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I actually ran the numbers.

"I actually ran the numbers."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I'd keep paying the same amount of rent,

"I'd keep paying the same amount of rent,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

For starting when I'm 33.

"For starting when I'm 33."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

[knock at door]

"[knock at door]"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

You're interrupting me mid-soup?

"You're interrupting me mid-soup?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

My biggest flaw is that I care too much

"My biggest flaw is that I care too much"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

What you think of me.

"What you think of me."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Evaluation over.

"Evaluation over."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Handed you the gun, made you put your prints on it,

"Handed you the gun, made you put your prints on it,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Well, yeah, if you say it like that,

"Well, yeah, if you say it like that,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

It don't sound believable.

"It don't sound believable."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Oh, hey, captain.

"Oh, hey, captain."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Yeah, I looked it over. Nice work.

"Yeah, I looked it over. Nice work."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Good. Thanks, dad.

"Good. Thanks, dad."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

You just called captain holt "dad."

"You just called captain holt "dad.""

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

What? No, I didn't. I said, "thanks, man."

"What? No, I didn't. I said, "thanks, man.""

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Do you see me as a father figure, peralta?

"Do you see me as a father figure, peralta?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

As a "bother" figure,

"As a "bother" figure,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

'cause you're always bothering me.

"'cause you're always bothering me."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

No, no, no, no, jacob.

"No, no, no, no, jacob."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I take it as a compliment.

"I take it as a compliment."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I called vivian "mom" once, and she's my fiancee.

"I called vivian "mom" once, and she's my fiancee."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Guys, jump on that!

"Guys, jump on that!"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Boyle has psycho-sexual issues.

"Boyle has psycho-sexual issues."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

But you did call him "dad," dude.

"But you did call him "dad," dude."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

All right, all right, I was lying about the holdup.

"All right, all right, I was lying about the holdup."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

But the dad thing, that happened.

"But the dad thing, that happened."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Aha!

"Aha!"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

He admitted that his alibi was a lie.

"He admitted that his alibi was a lie."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

It was a trap, all part of my crazy, devious plan.

"It was a trap, all part of my crazy, devious plan."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I believe you. Thank you.

"I believe you. Thank you."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Do you want to talk about it later

"Do you want to talk about it later"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

(holt) thank you for coming in on your day off.

"(holt) thank you for coming in on your day off."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Binge watching media content.

"Binge watching media content."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

But these evaluations are important.

"But these evaluations are important."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

All: She doesn't.

"All: She doesn't."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

When I say that we can't wait

"When I say that we can't wait"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

For you to sit in judgment of us.

"For you to sit in judgment of us."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Oh, these will be self-evaluations, santiago.

"Oh, these will be self-evaluations, santiago."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Why...Se.

"Why...Se."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Nice save.

"Nice save."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Of the weekend squad.

"Of the weekend squad."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

They are on duty, and the bullpen is theirs.

"They are on duty, and the bullpen is theirs."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

My "r" key is jammed with stubble.

"My "r" key is jammed with stubble."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I can't wait to hear what you have to say about my squad.

"I can't wait to hear what you have to say about my squad."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I think they've had a great year.

"I think they've had a great year."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I feel like a proud mama hen

"I feel like a proud mama hen"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Whose baby chicks have learned to fly.

"Whose baby chicks have learned to fly."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Chickens are famously bad at flying.

"Chickens are famously bad at flying."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

(jake) yo.

"(jake) yo."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

(terry) peralta asked to be first,

"(terry) peralta asked to be first,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Nope, I just want to get this over with.

"Nope, I just want to get this over with."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Now, I have a question for you:

"Now, I have a question for you:"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I need to buy my apartment.

"I need to buy my apartment."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I've been living at my nana's place

"I've been living at my nana's place"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Since she passed away 'cause it's rent-controlled,

"Since she passed away 'cause it's rent-controlled,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

But now the building's going co-op,

"But now the building's going co-op,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

So I have to buy it.

"So I have to buy it."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I need to secure a loan by the end of the day.

"I need to secure a loan by the end of the day."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Uh, so should we do a wire transfer,

"Uh, so should we do a wire transfer,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Or do you think cash is easier?

"Or do you think cash is easier?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Let's just do cash.

"Let's just do cash."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Shouldn't you be asking somebody else

"Shouldn't you be asking somebody else"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Like a bank?

"Like a bank?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Yeah, I tried that.

"Yeah, I tried that."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

[laughing hysterically]

"[laughing hysterically]"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Jake, I cannot believe

"Jake, I cannot believe"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

You're gonna lose nana's apartment.

"You're gonna lose nana's apartment."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

We grew up together. We used to hang out there

"We grew up together. We used to hang out there"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Every day after school.

"Every day after school."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

[sighs heavily] we didn't have fathers

"[sighs heavily] we didn't have fathers"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Because you had a slightly sad childhood.

"Because you had a slightly sad childhood."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Go solve your housing crisis.

"Go solve your housing crisis."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Nana made me the intelligent, sensuous woman I am today.

"Nana made me the intelligent, sensuous woman I am today."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I'm sorry, gina.

"I'm sorry, gina."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I don't know that we can spare you.

"I don't know that we can spare you."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Um, these are her notes so far.

"Um, these are her notes so far."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

"empanadas, atlantic city, birth control."

""empanadas, atlantic city, birth control.""

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

No, that's my travel journal.

"No, that's my travel journal."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

You may go with peralta.

"You may go with peralta."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Both: Thank you.

"Both: Thank you."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Graziolo's,

"Graziolo's,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

For the porco digestivo meal.

"For the porco digestivo meal."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

It's a culinary tour of a pig's digestive track.

"It's a culinary tour of a pig's digestive track."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Pig bung gelato for two, anyone?

"Pig bung gelato for two, anyone?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

(rosa) uh-oh, heads up.

"(rosa) uh-oh, heads up."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Weekend crew.

"Weekend crew."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I love my desk buddy.

"I love my desk buddy."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Sometimes detective kearns and I leave presents

"Sometimes detective kearns and I leave presents"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Well, lohank's a stubble monkey.

"Well, lohank's a stubble monkey."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I hate him and his face garbage.

"I hate him and his face garbage."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Why don't you just tell him to stop shaving at his desk?

"Why don't you just tell him to stop shaving at his desk?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Next time I catch him shaving,

"Next time I catch him shaving,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Could that be why he denies doing it?

"Could that be why he denies doing it?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

(gina) oh, wow.

"(gina) oh, wow."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

It is always so crazy coming back here.

"It is always so crazy coming back here."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

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