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Clips from Brooklyn Nine-Nine - The Apartment (S01E01)

So, again, your alibi is a mysterious stranger

"So, again, your alibi is a mysterious stranger"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Did you get my report on the finley murder?

"Did you get my report on the finley murder?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Why is everyone staring at me?

"Why is everyone staring at me?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

No. If anything, I see you

"No. If anything, I see you"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Hey, show your father some respect.

"Hey, show your father some respect."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

(amy) old news.

"(amy) old news."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

But you calling holt "daddy"--

"But you calling holt "daddy"--"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Hey, "daddy" is not on the table here.

"Hey, "daddy" is not on the table here."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

"♪"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I know you'd all rather be at home,

"I know you'd all rather be at home,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Oh! I just started the second season

"Oh! I just started the second season"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Of media content.

"Of media content."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

No spoilers.

"No spoilers."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Sir, I think I speak for all of us...

"Sir, I think I speak for all of us..."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Detective lohank shaves at my desk

"Detective lohank shaves at my desk"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Dismissed.

"Dismissed."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Which shows how seriously he's begun taking his job.

"Which shows how seriously he's begun taking his job."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

An 80% clearance rate,

"An 80% clearance rate,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I wore a tie sometimes.

"I wore a tie sometimes."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

For that kind of money?

"For that kind of money?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Because our moms both worked, and...

"Because our moms both worked, and..."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Weird way to describe a grandma's influence on you.

"Weird way to describe a grandma's influence on you."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I haven't started on the notes yet.

"I haven't started on the notes yet."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

How about this?

"How about this?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

[shady music]

"[shady music]"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

(charles) I feel sad for you.

"(charles) I feel sad for you."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I'm gonna punch him so hard in the mouth

"I'm gonna punch him so hard in the mouth"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

He bites his own heart.

"He bites his own heart."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Oh, yeah, you could be right. Yeah.

"Oh, yeah, you could be right. Yeah."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Our hands were tied. I gotta say,

"Our hands were tied. I gotta say,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I'm psyched to be hanging like this, old-school stylez.

"I'm psyched to be hanging like this, old-school stylez."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

"stylez" with a "z".

""stylez" with a "z"."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

To afford this place.

"To afford this place."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Yeah, no, I knew all of that.

"Yeah, no, I knew all of that."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I meant the money thing.

"I meant the money thing."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Is that you have a debilitating spending problem.

"Is that you have a debilitating spending problem."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Ooh, yeah! I'm learning how to spin.

"Ooh, yeah! I'm learning how to spin."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

[chaotic klezmer music playing]

"[chaotic klezmer music playing]"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

It sounds like joy behar falling down some stairs.

"It sounds like joy behar falling down some stairs."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

No, just watched it a lot.

"No, just watched it a lot."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

This is so unfair.

"This is so unfair."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

They didn't tell you this was happening.

"They didn't tell you this was happening."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Well, it's possible I missed a letter,

"Well, it's possible I missed a letter,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Ooh, let's check the mail tub.

"Ooh, let's check the mail tub."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

No.

"No."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

See? It's impossible to find anything in here.

"See? It's impossible to find anything in here."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Nice claw-foot tub.

"Nice claw-foot tub."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Well, it's the only choice I have.

"Well, it's the only choice I have."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I was reading the sergeant's lips

"I was reading the sergeant's lips"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I cannot believe I am considering

"I cannot believe I am considering"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

(gina) how much interest do you charge?

"(gina) how much interest do you charge?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

That I can do.

"That I can do."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Come on, gina, how awesome is that?

"Come on, gina, how awesome is that?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Jake, he is a sea witch in disguise.

"Jake, he is a sea witch in disguise."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Oh, yeah.

"Oh, yeah."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Wow.

"Wow."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Ugh. Ugh.

"Ugh. Ugh."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I'm tom selleck. Park my chopper on the beach.

"I'm tom selleck. Park my chopper on the beach."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Oh! [coughing]

"Oh! [coughing]"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I know. I am so sorry.

"I know. I am so sorry."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Helping out non-police folk such as yourself,

"Helping out non-police folk such as yourself,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

We appreciate your service.

"We appreciate your service."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Look, I know there's been a lot of misconceptions

"Look, I know there's been a lot of misconceptions"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Boom goes the dynamite. Oh, my god.

"Boom goes the dynamite. Oh, my god."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

And I intend to use it as a down payment on a mortgage.

"And I intend to use it as a down payment on a mortgage."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Where did you get this money?

"Where did you get this money?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Just had it lying around.

"Just had it lying around."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

With a bank loan by today.

"With a bank loan by today."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Ah, voicemails. Well, that explains it.

"Ah, voicemails. Well, that explains it."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

No. Look.

"No. Look."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

We're putting the apartment on the market.

"We're putting the apartment on the market."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I am going to take back my dynamite.

"I am going to take back my dynamite."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Aw, that bad?

"Aw, that bad?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

A homeless cop.

"A homeless cop."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I mean, maybe we'll find a great place.

"I mean, maybe we'll find a great place."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Atta girl. In a cooler neighborhood.

"Atta girl. In a cooler neighborhood."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

My biggest flaw.

"My biggest flaw."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

"bit of a killjoy,

""bit of a killjoy,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I'll be right back.

"I'll be right back."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

(gina) is this a pre-war?

"(gina) is this a pre-war?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Really? Do they allow cats?

"Really? Do they allow cats?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Gina, the toilet is

"Gina, the toilet is"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

[gasps]

"[gasps]"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

(rosa) so when's this going down?

"(rosa) so when's this going down?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

So let's see when he plans on working out.

"So let's see when he plans on working out."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Not today. Been spending all my breaks on the phone

"Not today. Been spending all my breaks on the phone"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Right, 'cause of your hygiene?

"Right, 'cause of your hygiene?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

'cause I want to help her, you know?

"'cause I want to help her, you know?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

But she's refusing treatment.

"But she's refusing treatment."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I went out for some fresh air,

"I went out for some fresh air,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

But I forgot to close the door,

"But I forgot to close the door,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Oh, no.

"Oh, no."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Cinnamon got hit by a drunk driver.

"Cinnamon got hit by a drunk driver."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Charles, can I see you for a minute?

"Charles, can I see you for a minute?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

My first question is,

"My first question is,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Well, no one asked you.

"Well, no one asked you."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Come on, scully.

"Come on, scully."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

But when you grab the hair, it breaks apart.

"But when you grab the hair, it breaks apart."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

(gina) should we turn some lights on?

"(gina) should we turn some lights on?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Well, what if I bought the apartment?

"Well, what if I bought the apartment?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

A new place.

"A new place."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

No, I'm thrifty.

"No, I'm thrifty."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I eat scully's lunch every day.

"I eat scully's lunch every day."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

And I'm looking for a real estate opportunity.

"And I'm looking for a real estate opportunity."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Ew. A real estate opportunity?

"Ew. A real estate opportunity?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

And I'm glad that I still own this place

"And I'm glad that I still own this place"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Oh, my goodness.

"Oh, my goodness."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I take back the "z"!

"I take back the "z"!"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

But come on.

"But come on."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Get this.

"Get this."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

As a real estate opportunity

"As a real estate opportunity"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

She was just trying to help,

"She was just trying to help,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Jake-- I know.

"Jake-- I know."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

For screwing this whole thing up.

"For screwing this whole thing up."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

What would you say holt thinks my biggest flaw is?

"What would you say holt thinks my biggest flaw is?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Who care what holt thinks?

"Who care what holt thinks?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

What's most important

"What's most important"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

And there are so many to choose from--

"And there are so many to choose from--"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Too competitive, prone to jealousy,

"Too competitive, prone to jealousy,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

You suck at throwing away your secret lists.

"You suck at throwing away your secret lists."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

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