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Clips from New Girl - Fancyman Part 1 (S01E01)

"- Seriously? - Are you kidding me?"
New Girl
"- Who's that girl? - Who's that girl?"
New Girl
"- Excuse me? - Oh, hi."
New Girl
"Say you're never gonna let the kids do anything creative ever again."
New Girl
"You think because you know facts about Princess Kate..."
New Girl
"I can memorize facts."
New Girl
"Okay, okay, I'm on my way to his office, and I have a speech I wrote for Fancyman."
New Girl
"then I end with a bluegrass version of Public Enemy's "Fight the Power.""
New Girl
"- Ugh. No, I hate him. - This guy is single and he's sweet."
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"He's not sweet. I would never go for that guy."
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"- Spencer didn't even own sheets. - Yeah. He slept on a pile of washcloths."
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"I think I understand hunting!"
New Girl
"Yup, yup, yup."
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"- Oh, God. Oh, God. What do I press? - What's wrong?"
New Girl
"Goldfinger. No, I meant to say Golden Hinde. Golden Hinde is what I meant to say."
New Girl
"You tried to memorize all the trivia answers?"
New Girl
"I can't watch this anymore."
New Girl
"Winston, I hope you're better in bed because your street work is embarrassing."
New Girl
"Know what? If this was my grandmother's building, she'd be outside on the patio..."
New Girl
"- Jess, are you okay? Come here. - Oh, God. Oh, God."
New Girl
"Buying a phone is a big deal. Think how long you'll have this thing."
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"It's like buying a car or a bra."
New Girl
"Hey, sorry, I was just checking your credit score..."
New Girl
"and I got this number that's crazily low."
New Girl
"- I'll try again. - Don't bother. I'm sure it's right."
New Girl
"Two-fifty? You get 150 just for being alive."
New Girl
"Hey, Mojan, we got a 250 credit score!"
New Girl
"I guess the $40 I saved on that Gap card didn't pay off."
New Girl
"Do you have a box of charity phones you're sending to Africa?"
New Girl
"- Can he have one? - Claire. Brendan."
New Girl
"- This guy's got a 250 credit score. - They're bringing everybody out?"
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"- Look at this. - There, 250."
New Girl
"Oh, I'm sorry, I've been doing this a long time."
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"I've just never seen a score this low. Did you just wake up from a coma?"
New Girl
"It's Jess"
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"You've always wanted a thing. This could be your thing."
New Girl
"- Like, "the guy with no phone." Well, who is that guy?"
New Girl
"- I don't wanna be that guy. - No, no. It's mysterious."
New Girl
"It's like, "I wanna call Nick Miller." "You can't. He doesn't have a phone.""
New Girl
""What?""
New Girl
"You can go Ghost Protocol on everyone."
New Girl
"See, that's cool. I always wanted to be a mole person."
New Girl
"Schmidt, you're the Michael Jordan of bar trivia."
New Girl
"We were in the Greek mythology zone. You knew every question."
New Girl
"Perseus, Icarus, Medusa. Medus-deuce."
New Girl
"Guys, you're shouting."
New Girl
"You knew every answer. What was the tiebreaker you got?"
New Girl
"- Calvin Coolidge's birthplace? - Little Plymouth Notch, son."
New Girl
"- Wow. I'm done with this. Shelby, wanna... - How did you know that?"
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"Question: How do you forget that? Answer: You don't."
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"- Jar! I'm gonnajar myself on that one. - Boom."
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"I mean, he's like a trivia god."
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"Winston, don't worry about it, man."
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"It's your public school education. You'll catch up."
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"Jar again."
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"Yeah, hi. I'm Russell Schiller, Sarah's dad."
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"- We spoke on the phone. - Oh, yes. I'm Jessica Day."
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"- Did you just curtsy? - I did, yes. I did."
New Girl
"- Is this a bad time? - Nope."
New Girl
"No, no, no. I was just cleaning up from the Sexual Health class."
New Girl
"I had to take condoms off 30 cucumbers, and condoms are harder to take off..."
New Girl
"than I thought. I know how to put them on, but not how to take them off."
New Girl
"I guess someone else has always done it for me."
New Girl
"Yeah, I'm sorry. I just got off a flight from London."
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"Maybe I'm a little out of it."
New Girl
"Oh, London."
New Girl
"Did you have a busy sch... Schedule?"
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"Did you have fun?"
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"No, I was advising a merger."
New Girl
"Oh, fair enough."
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"You wanted to talk to me about Sarah's art."
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"So this is one of the pieces she did."
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"- Um... - Oh."
New Girl
"That one is called At the Mall With Grandma."
New Girl
"She made it in dream-cess..."
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"which is where I let the kids have time to create something."
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"Sarah's gonna opt out of dream-cess from now on."
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"She'll use that same time to review her other schoolwork with a tutor."
New Girl
"Oh. Did you talk to Sarah about this?"
New Girl
"I don't need to. I want her to know fractions before high school."
New Girl
"I follow the curriculum."
New Girl
"My daughter is wearing dolls' heads around her neck."
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"So whatever you're doing, keep it up."
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"I talk to your daughter every single day."
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"Do you? Because hiring a tutor is not the same thing..."
New Girl
"as spending time with her. - I'm her father, not her friend."
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"I know what she needs."
New Girl
"Give my best to Mrs. Monogamy."
New Girl
"He's the third largest donor in the city."
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"We take his money and then what? We answer to him?"
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"- You're asking me to give up my integrity? - Yes. We need his money."
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"So he pulls his donation."
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"You know what? I'll raise the money myself."
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"I'll get a ragtag group of kids together."
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"A lost soul..."
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"an orphan..."
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"a Jewish kid with a keyboard..."
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"a little slut who can dance..."
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"and one fatso."
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"And I'll choreograph some dances and make a show."
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"You did that already. It's called the spring musical. It brought in $60."
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"- Please don't make me apologize. - You're gonna go to his office."
New Girl
"Say that you were wrong."
New Girl
"From now on, your classroom is full-on North Korea."
New Girl
"Math, math, math! Make sure he doesn't pull the donation."
New Girl
"When he was yelling, did he do that thing with his mouth?"
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"You know, that little smile thing? You know, like..."
New Girl
"Like, where he goes, "Mm.""
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"- That's really weird, Tanya. - Apologize."
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"- Why'd you make me look stupid last night? - Wait, what?"
New Girl
"Which of the five Great Lakes is located entirely in the United States?"
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"- Lake Erie? - If Lake Michigan didn't exist..."
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"and we won a fictional U.S. -Canada war."
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"- Lake Michigan. - Correct. Another point."
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"- Nice. - Boom."
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"Want me to take a dive next time?"
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"- Take a dive? - You know..."
New Girl
"pretend you know more than me when Shelby's around..."
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"so it seems like you're smarter. You'd do the same thing for me."
New Girl
"Wow. Okay, so let me get this straight."
New Girl
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