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Clips from Schitt's Creek - Moira's Nudes (S02E02)

"Well, that's not what I'm looking for!"
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"- Why were you in a paddle boat with Phil Spector?"
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"- And doesn't he looks good?"
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"That was the one time he let me play with his hair."
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"It was a sunny aft-- you know,"
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"I shouldn't have to explain myself."
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"- Okay well, there's a bunch here that could qualify"
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"as incriminating, so..."
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"- Okay."
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"I did a series of very tasteful nudes"
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"with Richard Avedon in the 70's."
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"- I see. Um..."
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"This is really not in my job description so--"
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"- Why aren't they coming up?"
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"What, do you have some kind of childproof lock"
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"on this internet?"
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"- Hm, nope, that would make my job very boring."
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"- Oh, keep scrolling, please."
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"ALEXIS: See David, this is what happens when you wash your face"
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"with a bar of motel hand soap!"
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"- It's a zit. People get zits."
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"I mean, I've always had clean, radiant skin,"
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"but I'm an anomaly."
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"I think it's just my anxiety clogging up my pores."
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"- And forming zits."
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"- Oh! Ohhh my God, no!"
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"- What is going on with you?! - I need to save this!"
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"- Wait, you're gonna put that on your face,"
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"after it's been on the floor?"
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"I don't even wear good socks in here!"
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"- Okay, there are things going on right now"
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"that you don't know about."
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"- Like what?"
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"- Like things I that can't talk about, okay?!"
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"- I know about your dandruff shampoo."
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"- That is preventative,"
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"and that is not what I'm talking about!"
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"MOIRA: David! David, please!"
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"ALEXIS: Hey! Wait, can you help me please?"
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"- No, I can't help you! - Can you help me please?!"
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"- No! MOIRA: David, it's urgent!"
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"- What is it?"
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"(Groans)"
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"- Darling, I'm afraid you and I have arrived"
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"at an awkward moment in our parent/child relationship."
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"- I'd argue that moment happens daily."
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"- It seems that there are some nude photographs of me"
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"on the internet-- - Oh!"
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"- and I would like you to search for them."
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"- That's a real quick no."
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"Um, you can ask literally anyone else."
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"- No, I tried to ask Stevie,"
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"but her computer is several years old,"
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"and apparently quite prudish."
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"If someone has to find naked pictures of me,"
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"better you than a stranger in a storm cellar!"
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"- Is it though? - What's going on?"
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"- There are nude photos of me all over the internet."
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"- Um, are you sure you're not thinking of mine?"
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"- Nothing's coming up."
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"- What search words did you use?"
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"- Uh, your name, and "nude.""
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"Three words I thought I'd only have to type"
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"if I was held at gunpoint."
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"- Okay, try "effervescence.""
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"No, I'm sorry, "small umbrella.""
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"(Keys click) No wait, "Siamese Eels.""
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"(Keys click slowly)"
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"ALEXIS: Oh... okay, no. There was nothing."
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"- I don't see anything. - You don't understand, we must find them,"
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"so we can then get rid of them!"
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"Honestly!"
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"can no one find nude photos of me on the internet?!"
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"♪ ♪"
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"(Door creaks opens)"
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"- Hey! - Hey!"
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"Um, could I have like, a glass of water,"
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"Or if there's a tap outside, or like, a hose."
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"- I can get you a tea. - Thanks, Twy."
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"- Between you and me,"
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"I know how hard it can be to pay off debt."
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"My uncle Ken only has three fingers now,"
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"which is too bad, because he's deaf,"
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"and he only speaks using sign language, but..."
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"he made his choices. - Mhmm..."
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"(Door bell jingles)"
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"TED: The amount of times that I run into you in this place"
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"is like, out of a romantic comedy."
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"- I'm sorry, what?"
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"- Is everything okay? - Um..."
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"Yeah, totally."
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"I mean, I have a pimple because I washed my face"
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"with dirty hand soap, but, no biggie."
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"(Giggles) Yeah, just don't look at it."
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"Thanks."
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"- One tea, on the house."
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"- Thanks, Twy. - No smoothie today?"
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"- No, not today, I um, I forgot my purse at home."
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"- Oh well, if you want a smoothie,"
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"- No, no, no, no, don't worry,"
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"because then I would have to pay you back,"
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"which is gonna be hard because my entire family is broke,"
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"and we can't afford to eat right now, so."
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"- Oh wow, I'm sorry to hear that."
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"- Mhmm, me too."
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"- Well hey, I don't know"
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"if this is something you'd be interested in,"
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"but my secretary just quit,"
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"and if you need the cash..."
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"- That's so sweet, but I would be uncomfortable"
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"accepting free money."
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"- No, no, you'd be working."
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"Doing her job, and I would pay you for it."
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"- Oh!"
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"But there would be animals around all the time?"
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"- That is generally what one can expect"
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"- Hmm!"
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"(Car rumbles)"
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"haven't we?"
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"- You know, I never thought I'd be in this situation."
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