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Clips from The Simpsons - The Telltale Head (S01E01)

"- if you give them half-- - Look! There it is--"
The Simpsons
"They got us cornered, boy. We'll never get away. Give me the head."
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"Look. Now we've got 'em."
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"- Hey, that's Homer Simpson. - And his kid, Bart."
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"with the head of our beloved town founder."
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"Kids! We're late for church."
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"Bart, assume the position."
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"Now where's your father?"
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"No, we don't. Ty being objective for once in-- Oh?"
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"- It's a lead-pipe cinch. - Here's the kick off."
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"Why should I feel like a traffic cop every Sunday morning?"
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"- Now move it! - Now here's the kickoff. Wolodarsky takes it."
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"I'm sorry, but the answer is no."
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"- Why not? - Because heaven is for people."
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"millions of Americans are not in the Lord's house."
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"And by the way, this game is being brought to you..."
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"by the good people at Duffbeer."
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"You can't get enough... of that wonderful Duff."
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"One final tick of the clock remains."
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"If they win, it will cap an amazing comeback."
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"- The kick is up. - Oh, please, please, please, please!"
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"Is a little blind faith too much to ask?"
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"I was pleased you enjoyed it."
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"Oh. He didn't say that under certain circumstances it was all right, did he?"
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"No! Look. I don't want to talk about this anymore in front of the kids."
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"- That's terrible. Who told you that? - Our teacher."
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"but what about those really smart ones who live among us,"
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"Killing innocent people, eating human flesh."
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"starring certain space mutants..."
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"Perish the thought."
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"- " Practically"? - It is stealing."
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"Let's get romantic."
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"Next time you little hoodlums ty this, I'm calling your parents!"
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"Yeah. We'll take our business elsewhere."
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"You know, Bart."
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"What are you doing? Show a little respect, you insolent little thugs."
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"Now I've seen everything."
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"Uh, yeah. Top of the world, Ma."
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"Ooh! Look at this one."
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""The Hammer of Thor: It will send your pins to..."
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"Val-halla." Lisa?"
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"The statue of Jebediah Springfield, our illustrious town founder,"
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"was brutally decapitated last night..."
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"It's a symbol of what we can all do if we put our minds to it."
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"Just a statue?"
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"Is the Statue of Liberty just a statue?"
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"- Uh-oh. School bus."
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"You're right, Moe."
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"and I hope they cut his head off."
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"Yeah!"
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"Hi, guys. What's up?"
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"We were saying we'd love to meet the guy who cut off the head of that statue."
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"Yeah, we wish he were here right now."
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"What? But-But yesterday, didn't you say it would be cool..."
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"Yeah, that was just cloud talk, man."
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"Yeah. I mean, throwing rocks is one thing,"
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"Go ahead, Bart. Tell them."
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"Now you're the most hated boy in town."
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"You're not really talking to me. You're just my overactive imagination."
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"Hmm. The child seems rattled."
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"There, there, Mr. Burns. Blow, sir."
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"Along the way, he met a ferocious bear..."
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"and killed him with his bare hands."
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"That's " B-A-R-E" hands."
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"Although modern historians recently uncovered evidence..."
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"- I knew it all along! - Why, Bart? Why?"
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"Lay off the boy, Marge."
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"Well, maybe I am a little responsible."
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"- A little? - Come on, son."
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"You know, Bart, when I was your age,"
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"- if you give them half-- - Look! There it is--"
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"And if you still wanna tear apart this young Sunday school student..."
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"Dad."
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"It's beautiful, man."
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"But I think you'll find that people are pretty decent..."
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"- You run along. - Son, we're in this mess together."
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"- Let's kill them! -Bring 'em out!"
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"- off the kid, man. Off him! - Kill Bart!"
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"Murderous mob, I beg you to spare our lives."
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"At least until you've heard the story of how we ended up..."
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"Uh, about 23 minutes and 5 seconds."
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"- It's too long! - 23:05?"
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"Kids! We're late for church."
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"And, Lisa, you look lovely."
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"- Phillips has broken free. - Get 'em. Get 'em!"
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"-The 50, the 40, the 30, the 20, the 10. -Oh, no!"
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"- Touchdown! -Homer? - D'oh!"
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"A 64-yard run! We've got an upset in the making!"
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"- Let's go, Homer. - But you don't understand, Marge."
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"Homer, you promised me."
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"This isn't gambling, Marge."
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"Wolodarsky takes it at the five. And oh, my. He fumbles!"
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"- Oh, no! -Another touchdown!"
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"Come on."
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"- Maybe. - It's because of your irreverent attitude..."
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"that Bart thinks he can sneak headphones into Sunday school."
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"And oh my. He fumbles!"
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"Will my dog Pepper be there?"
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"What about my cat, Snowball?"
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"I'm sorry, but the answer is no."
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"I'd like to begin today's sermon, which I have entitled,"
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""Gambling, the Eighth Deadly Sin.""
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"Today is Sunday, the Lord's day,"
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"They're in their own house worshipping a false idol--"
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"professional football."
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"- Oh, Lord-- - It's a beautiful Sunday."
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"Perfect football weather for this incredible game."
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"Now they're lining up fort his crucial kick."
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"Make it! Make it! Make it! Make it!"
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"It's... good to see you all in church."
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"The ventriloquist goes to heaven, but the dummy doesn't."
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"What about a robot with a human brain?"
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"I don't know! All these questions!"
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"Don't forget next week. Remember to read--"
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"Homer, you embarrassed us in front of the whole congregation."
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"And today's sermon was one you should have really listened to."
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"- What was it about? - Gambling."
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"Lisa, Bart,"
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"what did you two learn in Sunday school today?"
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"Yeah. Among other things, apes can't get into heaven."
The Simpsons
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