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Clips from The Office - Business Ethics (S05E05)

"Do some... Do some work."
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"(WHISPERING) People expect a lot from these meetings."
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"Laughter, sudden twists, surprise endings,"
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"you need to be Robin Williams and M. Night Shyamalan."
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"You need to be Robin Shyamalan."
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"You're... It's just, you're kind of losing them."
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"I am? Yeah."
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"Don't think about the stakes. It'll freak you out."
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"Okay. Well, Michael makes a really good point."
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"So, let's just open this up a little bit."
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"Say my name is Lauren and here I am shopping in a supermarket"
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"and I steal a pencil."
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"That's not right. (COUGHING) Lauren! Enough with the pencils!"
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"No. I have to go over pencils and office supplies."
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"Ethics is a real discussion of competing conceptions of the good."
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"This is just the corporate anti-shoplifting rules."
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"I'll drop an ethics bomb on you. Would you steal bread to feed your family?"
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"Exactly, Andy. Yeah. I took Intro to Philosophy twice."
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"The bread is poisoned. Also, it's not your real family."
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"You've been cuckolded by a stronger, smarter male."
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"No, that's not how it works."
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"I would not steal the bread. And I would not let my family go hungry."
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"HOLLY: Okay. But we should get back to business."
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"Have any of you ever faced any ethical dilemmas in the workplace?"
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"This is a chance for you to say something without any repercussions."
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"Stanley? Oscar, come on. I'll pass."
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"I will go first."
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"When I discovered YouTube, I didn't work for five days."
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"I viewed Cookie Monster Sings Chocolate Rain about 1,000 times."
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"What was the dilemma? To tell you or not."
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"And I'm glad I did. I feel very, very good. Cathartic."
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"I promise you that you are not going to get into trouble."
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"Oh, no, no, no. Yeah. Come on. Anybody. Let it fly."
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"Okay. Once in a while, I'll take a long lunch."
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"Never. You are a thief of joy. Anybody else? Yeah?"
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"Sometimes I download pirated music onto my work computer."
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"Who hasn't? Good. Good. What else?"
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"I once reported Oscar to the INS. Turns out he's clean, but I'm glad I did it."
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"Well, let's keep this party moving on."
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"I'll go."
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"Have you guys ever met Bruce Myers, the Scranton rep for Hammermill?"
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"Bruce."
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"Well, for the past six years I have been sleeping with him"
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"in exchange for discounts on our supplies and Outback Steakhouse gift certificates."
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"Jackpot."
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"(LAUGHS)"
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"(CLEARS THROAT) Meredith, that is serious."
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"I mean, not only is that a conflict of interest,"
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"but there's also an exchange of goods."
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"Exchange of steak. Have you ever had sirloin steak, honey?"
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"That's crazy. That's crazy talk."
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"(LAUGHS)"
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"You know what? That's a good place to end it."
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"Right there. This, I think, was a great ethics seminar."
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"I mean, because it is unknowable. But let's give her a round of applause."
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"Holly, everybody! Holly! Get back to work."
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"Great job. I am truly impressed."
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"Michael, there's some serious issues with Meredith."
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"I mean, all of you have done things I wouldn't have done myself,"
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"but Meredith's actions are really over the line."
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"Yeah. What are you going to do?"
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"So regarding this supplier, approximately how many liaisons have there been?"
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"Liaisons? You mean meet-ups? I don't know. Once a month for six years."
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"Something like that."
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"Meredith, why don't you tell Holly it's not what she thinks,"
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"Am I in trouble here or something?"
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"No, it's not a formality."
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"No. I wouldn't have done it if it wasrt for the discount paper."
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"There's not a lot of fruit in those looms."
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"(EXCLAIMS) For the love of God, we're trying to help you, you stupid bag."
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"What I don't understand is, why the steak coupons?"
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"I mean, if you were already getting the discounted paper..."
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"Well, it's funny, maybe it's a girl thing, but after we did it,"
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"when he would give me those coupons, I just felt good about myself."
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"Hey, what's going on here? I thought I had immunity."
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"does not really exist in the workplace."
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"I mean, I've never heard of anyone who kept their job after something like this."
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"Well, I'm not quitting."
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"(EXHALING)"
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"(STOP WATCH BEEPS)"
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"You had said that you don't do anything personal during work time,"
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"so I'm just making sure."
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"Hey, look, monkey knows how to use a stop watch, everybody."
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"He's..."
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"Personal conversation. 17 seconds."
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"(STOP WATCH BEEPS) There is no way that that was..."
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"(STOP WATCH BEEPS)"
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"One second."
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"good looking, intelligent, funny, attractive people can't,"
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"Would you care to bang it out over lunch? I already bought this."
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"No, no, no. Your food is no good here, my lady."
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"Sorry."
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"Actually, you're not a client, so we'll just split it?"
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"So, I've gone over corporate policy."
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"What do you think? What do you think of this place?"
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"Yeah. It's kind of business romantic. So you're from Des Moines."
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"Mmm. That sounds so warm."
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"In summer."
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"Here, too. You know what my favorite season is?"
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"Maybe we should talk about Meredith first."
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"I think it's the most contemplative of seasons."
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"Okay, so I've gone over this and I've thought about it and I just don't think"
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"there's any way I can write a report that doesn't end with her being terminated."
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"Terminate her. Terminator. (MIMICS ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER) "I'm from the future.""
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"Hey, Andy. Yo."
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"By any chance, did you see Battlestar Galactica last night?"
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"I mean, I like all the crazy monsters and stuff, you know,"
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"Sorry, was there something you wanted to add, Dwight?"
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"You know what's weird? It's practically a shot-for-shot remake."
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"That's cool. The story's kind of bland."
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"Okay. ...who needs to return the ring back to Mordor."
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"(HUFFING)"
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"I just don't want my employees thinking that their jobs depend on performance."
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"And Meredith needs this job. This is her main source of money."
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"Well, that's very sweet, but we have to follow the protocol."
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"Those are the rules. Okay, new idea. We don't report it at all."
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"We just punish her. We punish her?"
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"I don't know. I saw this thing. Like a belt with a key."
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"A chastity belt."
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"No, it's more of an underwear garment that has little spikes, like, made of..."
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