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Clips from The Office - Business Ethics (S05E05)

"Down where you... Where you put... Where you put the..."
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"He has not stopped working for a second."
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"At 12:45, he sneezed while keeping his eyes open,"
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"At 1:32, he peed."
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"And I know that because he did it in an open soda bottle under the desk"
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"I've been so busy watching him that I haven't even started work."
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"It's exhausting, being this vigilant."
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"I'll probably have to go home early today."
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"No, you are saying that we should sweep it under the carpet,"
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"and pretend like the whole thing never happened."
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"Yes. What am I saying?"
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"Well..."
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"(LAUGHS) Busted. I don't..."
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"I'm saying that her behavior is unethical, and a little icky."
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"And I don't think I want to work in an environment"
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"It's not a family. It's a workplace."
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"And that was not my fault."
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"The only reason I am standing out here right now"
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"is because I don't want to take the elevator with her."
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"So I guess I can assume that was personal."
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"Fine."
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"It's been a little tense."
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"Turns out being the morality police does not make you popular."
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"I should know, because in middle school I was the hall monitor"
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"and the kids used to stuff egg salad in my locker."
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"Yeah, I was just hoping middle school was over."
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"Kendall from corporate HR is on line one and Holly's on her way in, too."
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"What's the only thing worse than one HR rep?"
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"Kendall, my main man."
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"KENDALL: (ON PHONE) Listen, Holly, Michael,"
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"And there's a lot of stuff about a relationship Meredith's having with a..."
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"Yes, that came out during the ethics seminar..."
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"And let the record show that it was during the immunity part of the seminar."
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"Well, I'm not sure these circumstances warrant any action."
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"I think it's pretty clear it was unethical."
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"Well, from what I can gather, it seems like a gray area."
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"in our balance sheet and I don't know that the right thing to do for the company"
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"is to turn our noses up at that."
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"Kendall, I understand that the discount is good for the company,"
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"but I'm just not happy about the way we're getting it."
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"(SIGHS) You see, I thought I was clear with you, Holly."
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"from the employees showing that they completed the training."
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"No, I understand."
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"Because every other branch has managed to get this to us,"
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"so if it's not something you can handle, then that's a different discussion."
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"No. No, I can do it. Good."
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"In a funny way? Like it's a hilarious joke?"
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"Because saying it would just make things worse."
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"Probably the funny way."
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"Can I have everyone's attention?"
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"Excuse me. May I have everyone's attention, please?"
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"We need to finish the ethics seminar."
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"No way, lady. It's a trap."
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"Everyone, please, I just need your signatures"
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"to show corporate that I gave you the training."
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"Don't sign anything. Okay, everybody, listen up,"
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"if you're not in that conference room in two minutes,"
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"I am going to kill you."
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"Get in there right now or I'm going to lose it!"
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"Now is really not the time, Meredith."
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"between sick days and personal days."
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"Sick days are only to be used when an illness precludes you"
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"from doing your job or can spread to your co-workers."
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"Personal days, on the other hand, are much more flexible."
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"Thank you, Meredith, this was delicious. Hey, where's the steak sauce?"
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"I think she got it as a tip, but I don't know why she didn't just take cash."
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"I don't care what she's doing, I hope she just keeps doing it."
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"Come on. It won't be that bad."
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"A little close to my engagement there, Tuna. What's your game here?"
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"(GRUNTS)"
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"Let me hear Dunder Mifflin talk"
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"Okay. Well done. Good speech, Ryan. You're a good guy."
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"It's called "time theft" and it's the same as taking money from the company."
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"MICHAEL: Anybody?"
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"That... You really pulled that one out."
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"(STOP WATCH BEEPS)"
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"You know what? Let's go out. Dunder Mifflirs treat."
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"Yeah."
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"Okay."
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"Really. That doesn't sound right."
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"Tell her, "Can't have sex for six months.""
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"which I always thought was impossible."
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"And on the flip side,"
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"And I am holding on to her leftovers."
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"I just got the report that your branch submitted."
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"No. No. This is just a stupid formality."
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"Is that anything like the original Battlestar Galactica?"
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"(STOP WATCH BEEPS)"
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"Like sometimes they're made of metal. You know what I'm talking about?"
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"(CHUCKLING) Amen. Just keep the ribs coming."
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"Really?"
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"(DIAL TONE BEEPS)"
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"that there seems to be some confusion about."
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"Or do you just let it go?"
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"like Klingons and Wookiees and all that, but..."
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"Look, to be honest, the company's getting a discount at a tough time"
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"Sorry."
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"without her even knowing."
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"Indistinguishable. So..."
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"I got a bag of cigars in my purse."
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"A lot of good stuff. And you look... You look fantastic."
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"Wow!"
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"Nineteen minutes and 48 seconds."
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"Two HR reps. You get me."
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"What were we doing for 19 minutes and 48 seconds?"
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"Ah!"
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"To get married. She's not a virgin, you know."
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""Why are you helping her? You're not even dating." She's my friend."
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"(WHISPERS) Yeah."
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"I did nothing."
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"nothing unethical happened and that you just like to sleep around?"
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"Now, were these "meet-ups" just personal, unrelated to business?"
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"It's about this guy named Dumbledore Calrissian..."
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"I mean, what sort of place is that to call home?"
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"I will be honest with you. That car ride did not go well."
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"It's a quarter to 5:00 and I have started to gather my things."
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