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Clips from Archer (2009) - Animation (S03E03)

"Nothing. Because my skeevy Russian fiancée..."
Archer (2009)
"...wasn't murdered in front of my very eyeballs at my stupid wedding."
Archer (2009)
"He'd never do that to me."
Archer (2009)
"...I called in someone who can."
Archer (2009)
"Oh, Rip, you old so-and-so. How are you, Mal? Besides gorgeous?"
Archer (2009)
"How? See?"
Archer (2009)
"Yeah, this new thing called intelligence gathering."
Archer (2009)
"Anywho, he's on a little island called Wapuni in French Polynesia."
Archer (2009)
"...so if you're not busy Friday night... I'll book us our old booth at 21."
Archer (2009)
"What a hunk. Total sploosh."
Archer (2009)
"And whatever my equivalent of sploosh is, which I guess is just sploosh."
Archer (2009)
"Only with semen."
Archer (2009)
"Oh, my God, I can't believe I just did that."
Archer (2009)
"You know, I'm not like that-- ARCHER: No, hey, come on, don't do that."
Archer (2009)
"How is it misplaced? I'm on my honeymoon."
Archer (2009)
"At least you got a honeymoon. My fiancée was murdered."
Archer (2009)
"Who plays 36 holes of golf on the first day of his honeymoon?"
Archer (2009)
"Not to, whatever, but that can't bode well for your marriage."
Archer (2009)
"Ahem. Hey, so, what happened was somebody ordered room service..."
Archer (2009)
"...but the regular room-service guy, he died, so I came in here and then I fell on the bed."
Archer (2009)
"Wait, you're not her husband."
Archer (2009)
"Yes, you can quickly and quietly walk down to the dock and board my seaplane."
Archer (2009)
"She what? I mean, who?"
Archer (2009)
"Wait, did you say ISIS or--? How did ISIS suddenly get in the mix, is what I'm asking."
Archer (2009)
"ARCHER: Hey, so listen."
Archer (2009)
"But I'm willing to, you know, let bygones be gone by the wayside."
Archer (2009)
"Good to know. But I'm not there yet."
Archer (2009)
"Well, give it some time. Speaking of, how long is this stupid flight?"
Archer (2009)
"RILEY: About 40 hours in the air. Hooray."
Archer (2009)
"Old Lucy Goosey here only has a range of about a thousand nautical miles."
Archer (2009)
"Yeah, making it wildly impractical. Got it."
Archer (2009)
"What image? Sky captain of yesteryear!"
Archer (2009)
"Apparently that's my grieving process."
Archer (2009)
"And also I need to use the bathroom. A, it's called the head, and, B, no."
Archer (2009)
"And I've had nothing but liquor and mangoes for three months..."
Archer (2009)
"Okay, I'm setting the autopilot."
Archer (2009)
"And, hey, watch out for that Adolf Hitler. He's a bad egg."
Archer (2009)
"ARCHER: I did that. ...the other pedal flushes it."
Archer (2009)
"It doesn't have a lock."
Archer (2009)
"Damn it, I'm gonna puke and there's no room in the toilet or the sink."
Archer (2009)
"Just because."
Archer (2009)
"Where does Malory get off implying that we didn't do our best?"
Archer (2009)
"What she implied was that we're jealous of Archer..."
Archer (2009)
"L-- That's-- What? PAM: Oh, please."
Archer (2009)
"You're so hot for him, I could reheat this chili in your cooch."
Archer (2009)
"Don't you have some humans to resource? Actually, no."
Archer (2009)
"It was gonna be an old-fashioned but I couldn't find bitters."
Archer (2009)
"How long was I out? Hard to say."
Archer (2009)
"Uncuff me, you idiot. Holy God, if we overshot our chance to refuel..."
Archer (2009)
"It doesn't know how to find the only airstrip within a thousand miles..."
Archer (2009)
"ISIS? You'll be lucky if I can get us back to land."
Archer (2009)
"RILEY: Damn it. There goes number two."
Archer (2009)
"It's kind of a different story when we're dropping like a ton of bricks."
Archer (2009)
"Damn it!"
Archer (2009)
"Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!"
Archer (2009)
"For breath-holding and number of sharks shot in the fricking face."
Archer (2009)
"No, that side's too low."
Archer (2009)
"Well, I can't tell from here. Well, I can, and it's too low."
Archer (2009)
"What did you say? Nothing."
Archer (2009)
"Which I bet will crash. Yeah."
Archer (2009)
"What the--? What in the holy hell are you doing now?"
Archer (2009)
"Ought to call it a Y ration, as in, "Hey, this tastes like cat shit.""
Archer (2009)
"As of right now, I'm-- What the--? Looking for this?"
Archer (2009)
"I'm agitated because you crashed my plane..."
Archer (2009)
"...in the God knows if it's even the middle of the Pacific Ocean."
Archer (2009)
"Oh. Well, thanks. You're welcome."
Archer (2009)
"Let's see, flare gun and some flares, fishing gear. Oh!"
Archer (2009)
"Emergency beacon. Beams a signal directly to the ISIS satellite."
Archer (2009)
"Oh, well, that's just great. Now I get to deal with this..."
Archer (2009)
"...as my hot meatball sub congeals into a big, fat, disappointing blob of shit."
Archer (2009)
"Nice. So we just kick back, catch a few rays, catch some sushi."
Archer (2009)
"Hey thanks, Guglielmo Marconi..."
Archer (2009)
"Oh, my God, their plane crashed. CHERYL: Ah!"
Archer (2009)
"Oh, my God. What if I have psychokinetic powers?"
Archer (2009)
"I don't know. Just try to only use them for good."
Archer (2009)
"No. MALORY: Well?"
Archer (2009)
"The black titanium corporate card?"
Archer (2009)
"Charter a private jet to Honolulu."
Archer (2009)
"Then I don't care if you have to buy a plane, get out there and find him."
Archer (2009)
"Wait. No, that's not in the budget."
Archer (2009)
"...so unless he, I don't know, throws it away--"
Archer (2009)
"Riley, I will shoot you. Then I'll shoot you. With a flare."
Archer (2009)
"...to make s'mores over the crackling fire that used to be your chest cavity."
Archer (2009)
"Goddamn, dude. Sorry, but you're acting really crazy."
Archer (2009)
"Didn't work out, because your mother-- Was impossible to please."
Archer (2009)
"God, if you only knew. What?"
Archer (2009)
"How much your mom loves you."
Archer (2009)
"Then you can be a bartender and destroy a new marriage every week."
Archer (2009)
"So truce? Uh--"
Archer (2009)
"Over here! Hey! No, no, no, quit waving. Get down."
Archer (2009)
"What? What "what"? What are you talking about?"
Archer (2009)
"I didn't know pirates were..."
Archer (2009)
"This is not at all what I pictured. You hear "pirate ship"..."
Archer (2009)
"The fact that we're still alive tells me they're gonna try to--"
Archer (2009)
"That did seem piratey. They forgot to search me."
Archer (2009)
"We stall the pirates until the ISIS rescue team shows up..."
Archer (2009)
"GILLETTE: I will start with the caviar and the '38 Montrachet..."
Archer (2009)
"...and this chocolate terrine looks insane."
Archer (2009)
"Wow, ISIS has really gone downhill. But there must be some good agents."
Archer (2009)
"You know, we are on a rescue mission. GILLETTE: Ugh."
Archer (2009)
"I wouldn't put all my rescue eggs in that basket."
Archer (2009)
"Well, you got a better plan?"
Archer (2009)
"So let's just play it by ear, see where the afternoon takes us."
Archer (2009)
"See? This is why I like to keep it loose."
Archer (2009)
"Serves them right, those jerks. But you know wine. You rich man."
Archer (2009)
"My men take this off you."
Archer (2009)
""To Sterling. Love, Mother.""
Archer (2009)
"Your mother rich lady."
Archer (2009)
"Well, doesn't matter. She's rich and she loves me."
Archer (2009)
"Funny stuff. Not now, Jerkins."
Archer (2009)
"Call your mother, get big, big money! Awesome."
Archer (2009)
"So tell me about this island of yours."
Archer (2009)
"It's a tiny little rock called Pangu."
Archer (2009)
"...at about 20 knots. So a ship must have picked them up."
Archer (2009)
"But I've never even heard of Pangu."
Archer (2009)
"Pirate fortress."
Archer (2009)
"No, yeah, I just wanted to make sure you said the phrase "pirate fortress.""
Archer (2009)
"Which apparently, yes, you did say the word "pirate," followed by the word--"
Archer (2009)
"Funny stuff. Jerkins, you douche bag."
Archer (2009)
"Well, keep at it. Oh, and, hey, did we cross the international date line?"
Archer (2009)
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