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Clips from Archer (2009) - Animation (S03E03)

"Current status: missing."
Archer (2009)
"So we've got a highly-ish skilled covert agent..."
Archer (2009)
"Oh, don't give me that. You're all secretly delighted that he's gone."
Archer (2009)
"Jeez. Ow. Talk about "duh." I bet he already totally killed himself."
Archer (2009)
"No! BARRY: Whoo!"
Archer (2009)
"How's that feel, Archer, huh? Now both our weddings are canceled."
Archer (2009)
"Yes, it is, Bionic Barry. Yes, it is."
Archer (2009)
"No. No matter how distraught Sterling is over Katya, he won't kill himself."
Archer (2009)
"He's alive somewhere, and since you fools can't find him..."
Archer (2009)
"With his millions in cash."
Archer (2009)
"I'll pick him up tonight. Three days back to New York..."
Archer (2009)
"Actually, yeah, gotta give him the sploosh."
Archer (2009)
"Oh, and you married an idiot."
Archer (2009)
"And you're not one of my dick bosses, so can I help you?"
Archer (2009)
"Okay, A, rhetorical, and, B, your what? Seaplane."
Archer (2009)
"Yet you're surprisingly unclear on the phrase "quickly and quietly.""
Archer (2009)
"And even more unclear on who you are."
Archer (2009)
"...and tell her that even if you did find that other guy, he's never coming back to ISIS."
Archer (2009)
"Whose fiancee was murdered in front of his very eyes."
Archer (2009)
"Pee in your pants. Yeah, wrong number."
Archer (2009)
"...so unless you wanna fly a thousand nautical miles sitting next to that--"
Archer (2009)
"But this better not be a ruse. Heh, heh. A ruse?"
Archer (2009)
"ARCHER: No, it doesn't. Ugh."
Archer (2009)
"...and that you're still attracted to him."
Archer (2009)
"Most of my job is dealing with sexual harassment complaints against Mr. Archer."
Archer (2009)
"...so it can land itself when it needs gas!"
Archer (2009)
"Then I, uh, misunderstood the concept."
Archer (2009)
"Wait, first promise you won't take me back to ISIS."
Archer (2009)
"Because if it is, pretty elaborate."
Archer (2009)
"Haven't you done enough already? How is this suddenly my fault?"
Archer (2009)
"Okay, this is it."
Archer (2009)
"Come on, Lucy Goosey, you can do it."
Archer (2009)
"No!"
Archer (2009)
"Two personal records!"
Archer (2009)
"Dude, are you even alive?"
Archer (2009)
"Now, you listen. Sterling is coming home safe and sound..."
Archer (2009)
"Cookie Puss."
Archer (2009)
"Ugh. Wondering why this is called a D ration."
Archer (2009)
"They might have to last us a while. Um..."
Archer (2009)
"Oh, you son of a-- Okay, that's it."
Archer (2009)
"Give me that. No. You're agitated."
Archer (2009)
"Let's see, after I pulled you out of that shit heap of a plane..."
Archer (2009)
"...but before I gave you CPR and bandaged your head."
Archer (2009)
"And this guy. What is that?"
Archer (2009)
"Nobody's gonna touch that?"
Archer (2009)
"Yeah. So I figure three days for ISIS to get a rescue team out here."
Archer (2009)
"MALORY: But if the emergency beacon is going off--"
Archer (2009)
"Do something. Ow! And I am."
Archer (2009)
"Our satellite's locked on the beacon, which is, jeez, the middle of nowhere."
Archer (2009)
"Lana, Ray, get there this instant. Uh--"
Archer (2009)
"PAM: I thought it was just a myth."
Archer (2009)
"Like a big, beautiful, no-limit unicorn."
Archer (2009)
"Say "budget" to me again, Cyril. Save your receipts, please."
Archer (2009)
"And call me the very instant you have an update."
Archer (2009)
"And again, the satellite is locked on the beacon..."
Archer (2009)
"Why the hell would he do that?"
Archer (2009)
"Well, being a spy makes you crazy."
Archer (2009)
"I mean, what kind of job is that, where your fiancee gets murdered?"
Archer (2009)
"I know. Why do you think I left ISIS?"
Archer (2009)
"You were an ISIS agent? Briefly, way back."
Archer (2009)
"You would at least have the heart to go tell her you're quitting in person."
Archer (2009)
"Sheesh. Rather get shot with a flare. Man up. Talk to your mother."
Archer (2009)
"Yeah. And, hey, we're not doomed. Look."
Archer (2009)
"Don't you wanna get rescued? Yeah, but those could be pirates."
Archer (2009)
"...still a real thing."
Archer (2009)
"...you think sails, cannonballs. Not one of these guys has a beard."
Archer (2009)
"Planks. Now I'm done."
Archer (2009)
"Ransom us. Awesome."
Archer (2009)
"Compared to rape, which seems like a thing pirates would do."
Archer (2009)
"Those numskulls who picked us up were so drunk--"
Archer (2009)
"...boards the ship, takes them all out. Bing, bang, boom."
Archer (2009)
"Which is funny why? Gee, where do I start?"
Archer (2009)
"Because I will gobble them up."
Archer (2009)
"It kills me to say it, but maybe Lana."
Archer (2009)
"Rescue me from myself."
Archer (2009)
"Now I don't feel bad for killing them."
Archer (2009)
"Me? No, I'm-- Rich man."
Archer (2009)
"Oh, it's actually the Spy-- Spacemaster, yeah."
Archer (2009)
"The what?"
Archer (2009)
"And I'm really rich and this is my manservant, Jerkins."
Archer (2009)
"As you can imagine. Yeah, this good to hear."
Archer (2009)
"Compared to finger-mailing."
Archer (2009)
"Nothing else within a thousand miles, and the beacon has been heading straight for it..."
Archer (2009)
"Is there a naval base there or...? Not exactly. It's more of a, uh--"
Archer (2009)
"I bet you just need more practice. Try this: Jerkins, you're a douche bag."
Archer (2009)
"Yeah, I mean, you wouldn't want to be walking around like a dickhead..."
Archer (2009)
"...with the wrong date on your Omicron Spymaster."
Archer (2009)
"Which is why it's got knockout gas and a garrote and I think even a laser."
Archer (2009)
"No, "dickhead" was the go word. How was I supposed to know?"
Archer (2009)
"Sorry, I forgot to tell you the go word was--"
Archer (2009)
"CAPTAIN: Douche bag. What?"
Archer (2009)
"I know you're pretty old-- Now that I know the go word--"
Archer (2009)
"Pirates! That's kind of confusing since we're on a--"
Archer (2009)
"Who speaks English? Let me see some hands."
Archer (2009)
"Do you speak English? NOAH: I do. Yes."
Archer (2009)
"Why? And the fort."
Archer (2009)
"You're the new captain. BOTH: The what?"
Archer (2009)
"Holy shit. Did you just see that?"
Archer (2009)
"Home? Riley, I am home."
Archer (2009)
"What? Over my dead body you're running away to be a pirate."
Archer (2009)
"Of course I'm not gonna be a pirate."
Archer (2009)
"COMPUTER: Agent Sterling Archer, code name Duchess."
Archer (2009)
"License to kill."
Archer (2009)
"Primary skills: covert operations..-"
Archer (2009)
"...unarmed combat, firearms, explosives..."
Archer (2009)
"...asset acquisition, enemy agent disposal."
Archer (2009)
"MALORY: For three months."
Archer (2009)
"Sterling's been missing for three months and you idiots have nothing."
Archer (2009)
"Well name-calling's not gonna get us--"
Archer (2009)
"Anywhere. Which is where Archer could be."
Archer (2009)
"Malory, we've checked every safe house, run down every lead."
Archer (2009)
"Were you gonna say, "Unless he's been skimming cash..."
Archer (2009)
"Yeah, duh, right? He wouldn't dare steal from me."
Archer (2009)
"Oh, please, we all--"
Archer (2009)
"...who probably has millions of dollars in cash."
Archer (2009)
"Me neither. Plus ISIS actually turned a profit this quarter."
Archer (2009)
"Be that as it--"
Archer (2009)
"No, never mind."
Archer (2009)
"Because since you've all been half-assedly phoning it in--"
Archer (2009)
"No, he didn't. What's wrong with you?"
Archer (2009)
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