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Clips from Seinfeld - The Beard (S06E06)

"You done with all this? I'm gonna give it to a homeless person."
Seinfeld
"Yeah, I'm very excited about this."
Seinfeld
"I always wanted to see how these sketch artists do it."
Seinfeld
"Here you go, brother. Some food for you."
Seinfeld
"Thank you. You're a good man. Bless you."
Seinfeld
"- You gonna be here in an hour? - Where am I going?"
Seinfeld
"All right. Enjoy."
Seinfeld
"That's good."
Seinfeld
"And make the eyes..."
Seinfeld
"- What's that nut? - Almonds?"
Seinfeld
"Yeah. And make the lips fuller, poutier."
Seinfeld
"Pouty? I like that."
Seinfeld
"- You can't go wrong with pouty. - I'm excited about the pouty."
Seinfeld
"- All right. I think that about does it. - George, come on. Take a look."
Seinfeld
"- Oh, yeah. - Oh, my God. You were right."
Seinfeld
"She is gorgeous."
Seinfeld
"Hey, Lou, who's that woman over there?"
Seinfeld
"- Nice officer. - You wanna meet her?"
Seinfeld
"Well, this worked out okay."
Seinfeld
"You gonna see that policewoman?"
Seinfeld
"Yeah. I think I will."
Seinfeld
"I like the idea of having the law on my side."
Seinfeld
"- Hey, man. Did you enjoy the food? - Yes, I did."
Seinfeld
"Where did the Chinese learn to cook like that?"
Seinfeld
"I don't think so."
Seinfeld
"That's mine."
Seinfeld
"- You gave it to me. - I didn't say you could keep it."
Seinfeld
"See, I don't give away Tupperware."
Seinfeld
"- You should've said something. - I didn't think I had to."
Seinfeld
"Look, with a piece of Tupperware, you just assume."
Seinfeld
"Oh, yeah!"
Seinfeld
"I've really gotta thank you for this."
Seinfeld
"The bank I work for is so conservative."
Seinfeld
"Well, by now you'd think people would be a little more open-minded."
Seinfeld
"- Okay. - Great."
Seinfeld
"So..."
Seinfeld
"I'm surprised."
Seinfeld
"Really? Why?"
Seinfeld
"Well, believe me. This didn't happen overnight."
Seinfeld
"Robert is not exactly a one-woman man, if you know what I mean."
Seinfeld
"Sure, I mean, in a lot of ways he's a typical guy. He likes his sports."
Seinfeld
"But he counters that side with the side you see here tonight at the ballet..."
Seinfeld
"...or the pleasure he gets watching Liza Minnelli..."
Seinfeld
"...belt out a few choice numbers."
Seinfeld
"It's those two halves of his personality that just come together..."
Seinfeld
"...to make him the very special guy that he is."
Seinfeld
"Excuse me. Sorry."
Seinfeld
"Oh, hi, honey."
Seinfeld
"It was just such a great night."
Seinfeld
"And did they suspect anything?"
Seinfeld
"No, I was a fantastic beard."
Seinfeld
"I held hands. I called him honey."
Seinfeld
"And we discover yet another talent: posing as a girlfriend for homosexuals."
Seinfeld
"You said that already."
Seinfeld
"- Oh, I did? - Yeah."
Seinfeld
"Oh, no."
Seinfeld
"Don't tell me..."
Seinfeld
"You like him?"
Seinfeld
"He's incredible."
Seinfeld
"Yeah, but..."
Seinfeld
"Yeah. I know."
Seinfeld
"- So? - What?"
Seinfeld
"Not conversion?"
Seinfeld
"You're thinking conversion?"
Seinfeld
"Well, it did occur to me."
Seinfeld
"You think you can get him to change teams?"
Seinfeld
"He's not gonna suddenly switch sides."
Seinfeld
"Forget about it."
Seinfeld
"Why? Is it irrevocable?"
Seinfeld
"Because when you join that team, it's not a whim."
Seinfeld
"- But we've got a good team. - Yeah, we do."
Seinfeld
"We do have a good team."
Seinfeld
"Well, why can't he play for us?"
Seinfeld
"They're only comfortable with their equipment."
Seinfeld
"But we just got along so great."
Seinfeld
"Of course. Everyone gets along great when there's no possibility of sex."
Seinfeld
"No, no, no. I sensed something. I did sense something."
Seinfeld
"I perceived a possibility, Jerry."
Seinfeld
"You realize you're venturing into uncharted waters?"
Seinfeld
"I realize that."
Seinfeld
"Are you that desperate?"
Seinfeld
"Yes, I am."
Seinfeld
"Are you gonna bring your gun?"
Seinfeld
"Yeah, I think you should leave it at home."
Seinfeld
"I don't really know you that well. What if we get into a fight or something?"
Seinfeld
"All right. Then it's settled. First date, no weapons."
Seinfeld
"All right. I'll see you then."
Seinfeld
"Okay, bye."
Seinfeld
"Yeah, yeah."
Seinfeld
"Here we go."
Seinfeld
"- What are you looking for? - Tupperware."
Seinfeld
"Sorry. I don't have any Tupperware."
Seinfeld
"See, I knew this was gonna happen."
Seinfeld
"I just made a delicious casserole, but it won't keep..."
Seinfeld
"...because I have no Tupperware."
Seinfeld
"- What about a plastic bag? - You must be kidding."
Seinfeld
"The patented burp, Jerry. It locks in freshness."
Seinfeld
"So I spoke to your little friend Denise last night."
Seinfeld
"Oh, yeah. You talked, huh?"
Seinfeld
"Yeah. For two hours. She's nuts about you."
Seinfeld
"Yeah. We go way back, you know."
Seinfeld
"Why didn't anything ever happen between you two?"
Seinfeld
"Who's to say it didn't?"
Seinfeld
"So did you describe yourself to her over the phone?"
Seinfeld
"Yes, I did."
Seinfeld
"- What did you say? - What do you think I said?"
Seinfeld
"I don't know."
Seinfeld
"I told her the truth."
Seinfeld
"Did you tell her about your little hat there?"
Seinfeld
"What hat?"
Seinfeld
"You know, your little hair hat there."
Seinfeld
"No, no, no. She can't tell. It's a perfect match. Beautiful job."
Seinfeld
"Are you kidding? I could spot that bird's nest two blocks away."
Seinfeld
"I noticed people staring at my head because they like what they see."
Seinfeld
"You should either take it off or tell her about it."
Seinfeld
"He's not gonna take it off. If he was gonna go bald..."
Seinfeld
"...I never would have introduced them."
Seinfeld
"- I guarantee she won't know. - Yeah. That's it."
Seinfeld
"I'm gonna go down to the precinct, have lunch with Lou."
Seinfeld
"Oh, I'll split a cab with you."
Seinfeld
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