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Clips from King of the Hill - Jumpin' Crack Bass (S02E02)

"Come on, Bill. Don't rub his nose in it. Wingo, man!"
King of the Hill
"I'm going down to the bait shop to buy some new hooks."
King of the Hill
"Did I miss one of your "Ray's Gone Trout of His Mind" sales?"
King of the Hill
"Anyway, what brings you in? New rod, new reel, what?"
King of the Hill
"She let me down. I reeled in empty today."
King of the Hill
"How about some fluorescent salmon eggs..."
King of the Hill
"or marshmallow bait, or some blood-dough balls?"
King of the Hill
"I tried those before. They don't beat the worm."
King of the Hill
"Hey, I know."
King of the Hill
"I went to high school with a fella named..."
King of the Hill
"This guy never went to school. He grew up in the hills."
King of the Hill
"But he wrote the book on homemade bait."
King of the Hill
"Course, it's just a bunch of scribbles, 'cause he never went to school."
King of the Hill
"I am looking to buy."
King of the Hill
"- Are you Jack? - I got your jack right here, Jack."
King of the Hill
"As I was telling Ray, Jack..."
King of the Hill
"Whatcha need?"
King of the Hill
"I've always been a worm man..."
King of the Hill
"Bait? You call it "bait." I like that. What you looking to spend?"
King of the Hill
"$20 will get you all the bait you need. Rock on!"
King of the Hill
"Freshness jars. Sure don't get that at Mega Lo Mart."
King of the Hill
"Come on, Hank, fish or get off the pot."
King of the Hill
"Just a second."
King of the Hill
"How the heck does Jack fish with this stuff?"
King of the Hill
"I like beer, Hank."
King of the Hill
"Don't you like beer? I love beer."
King of the Hill
"- Beer is... - Got one! Yeah!"
King of the Hill
"Dang, man! That's quick. You done hooked."
King of the Hill
"Hank's the man. Man, you're the fishing magician, man."
King of the Hill
"Looks like they're hungry for worms today. Pass me one, will you, Hank?"
King of the Hill
"What's the matter? Batteries go dead on your electric spinner?"
King of the Hill
"Whoa, Hank! What you got there? Blood-dough balls?"
King of the Hill
"Dale, Hank only fishes with worms. Why, anything else would be cheating."
King of the Hill
"Well, well, well."
King of the Hill
"Looks like our friend is a "hippiecrit.""
King of the Hill
"Hold on there. This is natural bait."
King of the Hill
"Hank, you can offer all the denials and rationalizations you want..."
King of the Hill
"- We want to try that bait. - Yeah, man."
King of the Hill
"All right. Ease off. A little chunk will do you."
King of the Hill
"Now that is the dangdest thing!"
King of the Hill
"Come on now. Off my hook."
King of the Hill
"Go on now, get."
King of the Hill
"Oh, man! Now I have to reapply my sunscreen."
King of the Hill
"And those were the Reagan years."
King of the Hill
"Somebody call Ripley."
King of the Hill
"'Cause he's the only one who'll believe how many fish I caught this morning."
King of the Hill
"Is that where you've been?"
King of the Hill
"- Oh, good Lord! The sun just came up. - No, it didn't."
King of the Hill
"It rose at 4:57 a. M..."
King of the Hill
"exactly one hour after I landed two 10-pound bucket mouths..."
King of the Hill
"on a single hook."
King of the Hill
"What are you buying bait for, Dad?"
King of the Hill
"Remember, you said it all starts with a hand-dug American worm?"
King of the Hill
"No. I mean, yes, that's how it starts."
King of the Hill
"But a lot of things end up different from where they start."
King of the Hill
"So, Luanne, how's my truck?"
King of the Hill
"I figured it was urgent, so I asked them to UPS it."
King of the Hill
"I'll tell you, I can't wait to try some more of your new bait."
King of the Hill
"My bait? I wish I could help you, but I only have a little bit left."
King of the Hill
"That's all right. It only takes a little bit to catch the hogs with that stuff."
King of the Hill
"Yeah, it's too bad I'm all out."
King of the Hill
"- That's right, and then I used it up. - Don't lie to us, friend."
King of the Hill
"Anyway, I just remembered I promised Bobby I'd take him fishing..."
King of the Hill
"just the two of us. See you."
King of the Hill
"I'd take a stick of that gum."
King of the Hill
"I'm tired."
King of the Hill
"When's the part where we get to sit around for five hours doing nothing?"
King of the Hill
"That's a good one, son."
King of the Hill
"Wake up, Hank. We're being burgled."
King of the Hill
"You go check on Bobby. I'll go see what's going on."
King of the Hill
"We'll just see how much of that bait he has left."
King of the Hill
"It's okay. It's me, Dale Gribble."
King of the Hill
"My termite inspection is concluded."
King of the Hill
"Congratulations, you passed!"
King of the Hill
"Can I have some more butter for my pancakes?"
King of the Hill
"That's it! I'm going fishing."
King of the Hill
"Come on, take the bait. You know you want it."
King of the Hill
"Where are you going? This ain't a worm. This is the good stuff."
King of the Hill
"Oh, man, the wonder bait! For me?"
King of the Hill
"The fish won't touch the stuff."
King of the Hill
"They've gotten wise to it."
King of the Hill
"Cockroach 101."
King of the Hill
"I'm not criticizing your product, or by extension, you."
King of the Hill
"Yeah, I get it, Jack."
King of the Hill
"- What you need is something stronger. - Exactly."
King of the Hill
"You understand. What am I saying? Of course you understand."
King of the Hill
"You're a fisherman."
King of the Hill
"By the way, I'm gonna need to follow you home."
King of the Hill
"Freeze! Hands where I can see them!"
King of the Hill
"and with your addictive personality, of course that led to..."
King of the Hill
"I swear, Peggy, I thought I was buying fishing bait."
King of the Hill
"Don't lie to me, Hank. I am not stupid."
King of the Hill
"I am a substitute teacher, not one of your drug-smoking friends."
King of the Hill
"Mr. Hill, this bass-fishing defense isn't going to cut it."
King of the Hill
"Are you sure? Juries eat that up."
King of the Hill
"Maybe I ought to tie that long hair on your head..."
King of the Hill
"to the short hair on your ass, and kick you down the street."
King of the Hill
"I told you I am not a doper."
King of the Hill
"Come on, Mr. Hill. We all use drugs. Even the President."
King of the Hill
"The only thing he's on is pain killers, and he earned it."
King of the Hill
"No. It's the funniest kind of mix-up, Your Honor..."
King of the Hill
"Just one moment."
King of the Hill
"Mr. Gribble, remove your hat in my courtroom."
King of the Hill
"I do not recognize the authority of a court that hangs the gold-fringed flag."
King of the Hill
"A flag with gilded edges is the flag of an Admiralty court."
King of the Hill
"An Admiralty court signifies a Naval court-martial."
King of the Hill
"- Furthermore... - Bailiff, gag him."
King of the Hill
"Mr. Hill, you're the last person I expected to be a drug user."
King of the Hill
"My dad doesn't use drugs."
King of the Hill
"That's right, Judge."
King of the Hill
"The strongest thing I use is BC Headache Powder, I tell you what."
King of the Hill
"I may have accidentally purchased, once or twice..."
King of the Hill
"Fish bait?"
King of the Hill
"- Guilty. - I told you. I told him, Your Honor."
King of the Hill
"That's enough out of you. You're fired."
King of the Hill
"Judge, I'm not lying to you here. I'm no criminal. I'm just a fisherman."
King of the Hill
"I don't like your story..."
King of the Hill
"but you've got the haircut of an honest man."
King of the Hill
"- You say you were using the stuff as bait? - Yes, sir."
King of the Hill
"I'm a bit of an angler myself."
King of the Hill
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