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Clips from King of the Hill - Jumpin' Crack Bass (S02E02)

"And the fish know the difference."
King of the Hill
"Why don't you just buy the fish?"
King of the Hill
"We don't fish for the fish."
King of the Hill
"Ninety percent of what I like about this sport, and it is a sport..."
King of the Hill
"or who's going to take care of you..."
King of the Hill
"Somebody's trying to steal my truck. Hey! Get out of there!"
King of the Hill
"As an American citizen, I have the authority..."
King of the Hill
"Hank's lucky he didn't get killed."
King of the Hill
"- What did you do to my truck? - Let's see."
King of the Hill
"We know that now."
King of the Hill
"If you have a stroke, who will help me take care of Bobby?"
King of the Hill
"I get stressed out at the beauty school sometimes..."
King of the Hill
"Listen to that silence."
King of the Hill
"- You ever hear anything so quiet? - Hey, Boomhauer!"
King of the Hill
"In the days of black-and-white televisions, and a democratically elected Congress."
King of the Hill
"Got one, man! It's a big ol'... Man, look at them big ol' teeth on him!"
King of the Hill
"Acts like a big ol' taco grande, man, with them dang ol'..."
King of the Hill
""But I call it scrumdiligarlicicious.""
King of the Hill
"You know what I just realized? Hank hasn't caught a fish."
King of the Hill
"I am the greatest."
King of the Hill
"Maybe I'll meet you guys later."
King of the Hill
"Dang, Ray! What happened?"
King of the Hill
"end up putting half of Arlen out of business."
King of the Hill
"Actually, I was thinking of trying one of them scented lures."
King of the Hill
"You've given up the worm?"
King of the Hill
"You ever hear of a guy named Jack?"
King of the Hill
"- Where's his shop? - He don't have a shop."
King of the Hill
"He sells his stuff out of his truck at the corner of 6th and Woodmont."
King of the Hill
"I'll come by tomorrow and pick up your propane tank."
King of the Hill
"Whaddaya want, whaddaya need? Looking to buy?"
King of the Hill
"G..."
King of the Hill
"I've been thinking about trying something new."
King of the Hill
"but Ray was telling me about your bait..."
King of the Hill
"Sweet Gene Vincent! I'm back!"
King of the Hill
"All right there, Red Head. Back you go."
King of the Hill
"Homemade in the USA."
King of the Hill
"This is the same fish I just threw back."
King of the Hill
"I tell you what, I caught more fish today than I did in the '80s."
King of the Hill
"I tell you, it's like they were fighting over that piece of Jack's miracle bait."
King of the Hill
"and I ended up with a new tool shed?"
King of the Hill
"Bad news, Uncle Hank. I had to order a new fuel pump."
King of the Hill
"Good thing I just got back from fishing, or that would bother me."
King of the Hill
"'Cause when you lie, you make an ass out of you and me."
King of the Hill
"Yeah, don't be bogarting that dang ol' bait."
King of the Hill
"You! Drop that tackle box!"
King of the Hill
"I said drop the box!"
King of the Hill
"- Wait a minute. What's wrong with it? - It doesn't work anymore."
King of the Hill
"Take it from a graduate of the Exterminators Academy at Humble."
King of the Hill
"You've introduced a new element into their ecosystem."
King of the Hill
"You need something stronger."
King of the Hill
"I cannot be court-martialed twice. That is all."
King of the Hill
"Objection, Your Honor."
King of the Hill
"The only thing he needs to be happy is fishing. Sustained."
King of the Hill
"Tomorrow, you, me, and your bald buddy there are gonna go out to the lake."
King of the Hill
"It's been six hours."
King of the Hill
"You ready to admit your crime and do your time?"
King of the Hill
"Wingo, man! I think I got one."
King of the Hill
"I don't know about you, but I want to remember casting off..."
King of the Hill
"with a hand-dug American worm."
King of the Hill
"Almost makes me sorry to send him to the farm."
King of the Hill
"Hold her up, Hank. She's a wall-hanger."
King of the Hill
"I'm cold."
King of the Hill
"Why don't we just buy the worms at a bait shop?"
King of the Hill
"Bait shop worms are factory-farm worms."
King of the Hill
"They keep them in little cages their whole lives."
King of the Hill
"They never get to run around free. It's sad, really."
King of the Hill
"You're missing the point."
King of the Hill
"And the icing on the cake is when God smiles on you and you hook one."
King of the Hill
"And then when you're reeling it in, everything else falls away."
King of the Hill
"when your mother and I are old and incapacitated."
King of the Hill
"All there is is a man, a rod, a lake, and a fish."
King of the Hill
"And it all starts with a hand-dug American worm."
King of the Hill
"What the hell?"
King of the Hill
"Let me go, man!"
King of the Hill
"- You can't do that. - The hell I can't!"
King of the Hill
"- The hell he can't! - Language, Bobby."
King of the Hill
"to detain you until an officer of the peace arrives."
King of the Hill
"which is something that your father obviously forgot to do."
King of the Hill
"Billy Ray Walters, you've entered a plea of guilty."
King of the Hill
"Have your rights been explained to you?"
King of the Hill
"This had better not be one of them Carter-appointee judges."
King of the Hill
"No, that's Judge Rowland McFarland."
King of the Hill
"He was in the paper for his creative sentencing."
King of the Hill
"Before I sentence you..."
King of the Hill
"Quiet, Peggy."
King of the Hill
"Who apprehended you at great risk to his own person."
King of the Hill
"I hope they lock that thief up and throw away the key."
King of the Hill
"That thief is my boyfriend."
King of the Hill
"- Boyfriend? - Okay, Hot-wire."
King of the Hill
"Here's what we're gonna do. You like trucks so much?"
King of the Hill
"For the next 3 months, I sentence you to live in a truck."
King of the Hill
"In prison, they'll just teach you how to be a better truck thief."
King of the Hill
"So you're gonna spend the next 90 days in the cab of a pickup. An import."
King of the Hill
"- Hill? - Yeah, Hank Hill."
King of the Hill
"Here's a picture of her, if it'll help."
King of the Hill
"Yes, here it is: Space G-26."
King of the Hill
"What the... Oh, my God!"
King of the Hill
"The thief was inside your vehicle. So under the law, we checked it for drugs."
King of the Hill
"He was in my front seat."
King of the Hill
"He didn't hide any drugs in my spark plugs."
King of the Hill
"my head is gonna pop a gasket."
King of the Hill
"Honey, please, calm down."
King of the Hill
"Uncle Hank, I got the '92 Ford truck schematic..."
King of the Hill
"and I've lined up all the parts."
King of the Hill
"Relax."
King of the Hill
"Here. Nancy gave me some ginseng tea. She got it from John Redcorn..."
King of the Hill
"Ginseng? I don't need to get all hopped up on dope."
King of the Hill
"with all the combing and politics, and I just do yoga."
King of the Hill
"I can put my feet up behind my head. Want me to show you?"
King of the Hill
"No!"
King of the Hill
"Keep your legs below your waist, for God's sakes!"
King of the Hill
"Look, all I need to do is get out on the lake, and fish."
King of the Hill
"Trade you one of my garlic-scented lures for one of your electric ones."
King of the Hill
"You and your worms are fishing in the past."
King of the Hill
""Hank calls it cheater bait."
King of the Hill
"Ingrate."
King of the Hill
"Hank, maybe you should be taking the pictures."
King of the Hill
"but I'm the only one fishing God's way, with a worm."
King of the Hill
"You know what else I just realized?"
King of the Hill
"This is the first time any of us has caught more fish than Hank."
King of the Hill
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