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Clips from Seinfeld - The Suicide (S03E03)

"You're a little paranormal."
Seinfeld
"Name one paranormal thing that happened to you."
Seinfeld
"- I knew I was gonna be bald. - Your father's bald."
Seinfeld
"Baldness is inherited from the mother's side, Jerry."
Seinfeld
"But your mother's bald too."
Seinfeld
"George, you know, my friend goes to a psychic."
Seinfeld
"- Really? - We should go sometime."
Seinfeld
"Psychics, vacations. How about getting a job?"
Seinfeld
"- I just got fired. - All right. Let's get out of here."
Seinfeld
"I wonder what Gandhi ate before his fast."
Seinfeld
"- Really? - Oh, yeah. Gandhi loved Triscuits."
Seinfeld
"- Who is it? - It's Gina!"
Seinfeld
"- Who? - Martin's girlfriend."
Seinfeld
"Oh, Martin!"
Seinfeld
"- Let me get my robe. - We do not have time."
Seinfeld
"- Two seconds. - There's no time."
Seinfeld
"- We don't have two seconds? - All right, go ahead."
Seinfeld
"- No, forget it. - No, go ahead."
Seinfeld
"- Are you sure? - Forget it. Come on."
Seinfeld
"Doctor said he should snap out of it any time."
Seinfeld
"You know why he did this? Because I told him it was over."
Seinfeld
"- I did not want to see him anymore. - Really? It's over?"
Seinfeld
"I could not stand it another minute."
Seinfeld
"Yesterday, he turned over a hot dog stand..."
Seinfeld
"...because he thought the man looked at me."
Seinfeld
"Then, after he saw you in the hall... He was crazy with jealousy."
Seinfeld
"Oh, boy."
Seinfeld
"How it's too sweet and it falls apart when you eat it."
Seinfeld
"I'm sorry if I caused any trouble. I was just being friendly."
Seinfeld
"You weren't?"
Seinfeld
"No. I have thought about you many times."
Seinfeld
"- Have you thought about me? - Of course."
Seinfeld
"Tell me everything."
Seinfeld
"Are you sure he can't hear anything?"
Seinfeld
"Martin."
Seinfeld
"Martin!"
Seinfeld
"I wish he was not in a coma. I wish he was dead."
Seinfeld
"I would like to pull the plug out from him!"
Seinfeld
"I would wait on that one."
Seinfeld
"I know how you feel, but juries today..."
Seinfeld
"...you never know how they're gonna look at this."
Seinfeld
"- No. - Then kiss me."
Seinfeld
"- Here? - Yes, right here."
Seinfeld
"Is this the proper venue?"
Seinfeld
"- You don't want to? - No, no, I want to."
Seinfeld
"I very much want to. I desire to. I pine to."
Seinfeld
"Then kiss me right in front of him."
Seinfeld
"I can't! What if he wakes up?"
Seinfeld
"A man is lying here unconscious and you're afraid of him?"
Seinfeld
"What kind of a man are you?"
Seinfeld
"I'm a man who respects a good coma."
Seinfeld
"If it was one of those in-and-out comas, maybe."
Seinfeld
"But when a guy's got a coma going like this..."
Seinfeld
"...you don't wanna mess with it."
Seinfeld
"- Did you hear about Martin? - Yeah, I heard."
Seinfeld
"I can't believe he's in a coma. He's got my vacuum cleaner."
Seinfeld
"I loaned it to him, he never returned it. The carpets are filthy."
Seinfeld
"- What am I gonna do? - Who told you about Martin?"
Seinfeld
"Newman. He's good friends with him."
Seinfeld
"Bigmouth Newman. I should have guessed."
Seinfeld
"He's got all my attachments, you know."
Seinfeld
"Let me ask you something. How long do you have to wait..."
Seinfeld
"...for a guy to come out of a coma before you ask his ex-girlfriend out?"
Seinfeld
"Oh, Gina?"
Seinfeld
"Why wait? Why not just call Dr. Kevorkian."
Seinfeld
"There's no tall buildings where these people live?"
Seinfeld
"They can't wrap their lips around a revolver like a normal person?"
Seinfeld
"What's going on between you and Gina?"
Seinfeld
"Well, I went with her to the hospital last night."
Seinfeld
"So we're in the room and she's trying to get me to kiss her in front of him."
Seinfeld
"That's the great thing about Mediterranean women."
Seinfeld
"All right. So, what did you do?"
Seinfeld
"- Nothing. - What kind of a man are you?"
Seinfeld
"The guy is unconscious, in a coma..."
Seinfeld
"...and you don't have the guts to kiss his girlfriend?"
Seinfeld
"I didn't know what the coma etiquette was."
Seinfeld
"There is no coma etiquette."
Seinfeld
"So you're saying his girl, his car, his clothes, it's all up for grabs."
Seinfeld
"You can just loot the coma victim."
Seinfeld
"I give them 24 hours to get out of it."
Seinfeld
"They can't get out of it by 24 hours, it's a land rush."
Seinfeld
"So if the coma victim wakes up in a month..."
Seinfeld
"...he's thrilled. He got out of the coma."
Seinfeld
"That's why I'm trying to get that vacuum. Somebody's gonna grab it."
Seinfeld
"Martin's spirit came to you as a warning."
Seinfeld
"Faithy, get your finger out of your nose!"
Seinfeld
"- Drake's? - Yes."
Seinfeld
"- Did you buy this for me? - No, why?"
Seinfeld
"She hasn't eaten in two days."
Seinfeld
"- Who's Pauline? - Pauline?"
Seinfeld
"Wait a minute. Oh, my God."
Seinfeld
"My brother once impregnated a woman named Pauline."
Seinfeld
"There was a woman. Audrey."
Seinfeld
"She had a very big nose."
Seinfeld
"I see an Audrey, but with a small nose."
Seinfeld
"I loved her very deeply."
Seinfeld
"Will she ever speak to me again?"
Seinfeld
"- Should you be smoking? - Does it bother you?"
Seinfeld
"- You're pregnant. - Elaine."
Seinfeld
"What? What?"
Seinfeld
"You can see the Cayman Islands in there?"
Seinfeld
"Is something gonna happen to me? What?"
Seinfeld
"It's really bad for the foetus, you know that?"
Seinfeld
"She's a psychic. She knows how the kid's gonna be."
Seinfeld
"Should I not go on this trip?"
Seinfeld
"George..."
Seinfeld
"...I am going to tell you something and I want you to really hear me."
Seinfeld
"...we now know about prenatal care, can put a cigarette in her mouth!"
Seinfeld
"- What are you doing? - It's disgusting."
Seinfeld
"Well, I don't like to be around people who are just so irresponsible."
Seinfeld
"- Get the hell out. - A plane crash?! A heart attack?!"
Seinfeld
"Lupus? Is it lupus?"
Seinfeld
"Do you want me to call the super? He was an Israeli commando."
Seinfeld
"If you don't say anything, I'll assume it's a plane crash."
Seinfeld
"- Get out. - Not a plane crash."
Seinfeld
"And it wouldn't be hard. We could just give them the regular DMV test..."
Seinfeld
"...only with the silver dollars and the pizza dough over the eyes."
Seinfeld
"If you can do the parallel park like that, you're a psychic."
Seinfeld
"We can test these people, no question about it."
Seinfeld
"Like Kreskin. Instead of just hiding his check..."
Seinfeld
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