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Clips from Ted 2 (2015)(sub)

"Ted, it's insane. We could get in a lot of trouble."
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"But not if nobody finds out."
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"Look, look, John, John."
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"We sneak into his house, jerk him off in his sleep"
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"And think how awesome the baby will be."
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"Would be a sweet-ass fucking baby."
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"All right, I'll help you. But we got to have a game plan."
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"(KNOCKING ON DOOR)"
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"(SIGHING)"
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"(SOFTLY) Just calm down."
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"Yeah."
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"Your neighbors called,"
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"and your air conditioner's making a loud noise"
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"so I'm supposed to check out the unit."
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"Uh, okay. Yeah, it's around back."
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"Stupid idiot."
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"Piss off! I don't wanna get any jizz on me!"
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"Two League MVPs, four Super Bowl rings,"
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"Now let's give him a handjob into this red Solo cup."
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"(WHISPERS) All right. Go ahead."
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"Wait, what do you mean, "Go ahead"? You got to do it."
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"What are you talking about? You're the one who needs the sperm."
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"Yeah, but it's got to be a human hand."
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"It's got to be skin on skin, otherwise it doesn't work."
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"No, it doesn't. It's just friction."
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"Look, I've never done this before. Neither have I."
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"You do it to yourself. Yeah, but that's different."
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"You're telling me you don't want this?"
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"What if he doesn't like the way I'm doing it? He deserves the best!"
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"Pull yourself together, for God's sakes."
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"He's gonna love it. Go, go, go!"
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"(GASPS)"
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"Sweet God and baby Jesus."
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"Mr. Brady, we just need a moment of your time."
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"What are you doing here? Who are you?"
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"(INDISTINCT TALKING)"
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"TED: Oh, God! Ahhh!"
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"(STUTTERS) Wait, Mr. Brady!"
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"Come on, let's get out of here!"
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"Shit!"
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"(PANTING)"
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"Hey, Ted, let me ask you something."
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"Why didn't you just come to me?"
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"What are you talking about?"
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"Oh. Johnny, you kidding me, man? You were the first person I wanted to go to."
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"over your divorce lately"
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"that I just... You know, I didn't want to put you in an awkward position."
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"I didn't think you had any left."
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"Just so you know, I'm totally willing to do it."
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"Really? You'd... You'd do that for me?"
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"You're ready to be a parent."
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"I don't know what to say."
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"Johnny, thank you! Thank you so much!"
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"Hey, thunder buddies for life, remember?"
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"Thunder buddies for life."
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"Come on. We got to get out of here before the cops show up."
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"MALE OFFICER: All units, we have a 3-17 on Maple Drive. Area units, please respond."
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"What's a 3-17?"
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"Someone's trying to steal Tom Brady's jizz again."
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"What is that? What?"
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"What are you doing? I'm getting ready, dude."
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"What are you doing to your hand?"
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"I'm doing this for you. I'm getting ready. I got to go in and perform."
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"You got your hand on your dick. What are you doing?"
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"I'm trying to get it half hard,"
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"Sitting out here in public, jerking off'?"
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"Where do you think you are? Red Lobster? What are you doing?"
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"What do you think I got to do in there?"
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"Forget it. Now, look, you haven't"
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"Yes, I told you, I'm clean, all right? Your baby's gonna be fine."
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"I'm sorry, I just don't want something"
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"I got to feed with a pitchfork when he's 16."
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
""John Bennett.""
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"Hi."
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"Hey, Johnny. Johnny."
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"(LAUGHS) I know, I just said your name."
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"Oh, right, yeah, sorry, I'm just a little nervous."
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"The game?"
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"I don't talk to pretty girls that often. Pretty women, ladies."
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"(STAMMERS) Oh. I don't mean this. I meant, like, a regular drink."
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"Oh. Yeah, okay, yeah. Too bad. You're missing out on a great guy."
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"Um, do I just spit in my hand or do I get"
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"Video? I like Asian teen stuff preferably."
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"There's lube right there."
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"All right, yeah, thanks."
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"Uh, excuse me. Where's your non-jerk-off bathroom?"
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"Oh. No way! (CHUCKLES)"
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"Oh, hey, Doc, is this where you guys store all the, uh, stuff?"
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"It's the intermediary station before insemination."
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"Are you submitting?"
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"No. My friend is, uh, yanking out a sample in one of the rooms."
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"Oh, cool. (CHUCKLES)"
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"(SINGING) Hold me closer, Dr. Danzer"
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"I am. That's me, yeah."
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"See, I was trying to figure out"
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"Good eye, good eye."
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"So, how did you get into this line of work? Do you just love cum?"
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"Not especially, but I love helping good people"
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"It's amazing what we can do here."
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"such as cystic fibrosis, muscular dystrophy, sickle-cell anemia."
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"Wow."
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"Hey, Johnny! You did it!"
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"Ew. I mean, awesome! (CHUCKLES)"
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"Excuse me, Doctor, your wife's on the phone."
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"Excuse me, I'll be right back."
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"You wanna see it? Huh? You wanna see your kid?"
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"Dude, take a closer look. It's your kid."
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"No, no, no! Come on!"
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"You got to take a closer look. That's close enough, Johnny!"
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"He's beautiful. Come on! I'll trade you. Catch."
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"We got to find something to scoop it up."
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"There's containers over there. Scoop it up with that."
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"Shit. All right."
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"TED: No, no, that's not gonna work."
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"You need two of them. You got to scoop one into the other."
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"TED: Oh! Oh, fuck!"
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"Oh, my God!"
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"Fuck! Fuck!"
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"Oh, my God! It's in my eyes!"
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"I'm blinking it in!"
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
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