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Clips from Ted 2 (2015)(sub)

"MALE NARRATOR: We are often told"
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"that happily-ever-afters exist only in the pages of fairy tales"
Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
"And yet, on this bright, sunny, Boston afternoon,"
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"Happy endings can come true for anyone."
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"And America doesn't give a shit about anything."
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"Do you, Tami-Lynn McCafferty,"
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"take this teddy bear to be your lawfully wedded husband?"
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"I do."
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"SAM: And do you, Ted,"
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"(GIGGLES)"
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"You may kiss the bear."
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"WEDDING ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, your newlyweds!"
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"(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)"
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"Teddy, this is the best day of my life!"
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"I just love you so much."
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"I'm gonna go fifty shades of bear on you tonight."
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"Let's go get shit-faced!"
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"Thank you."
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"Oh. Thank you so much for being a part of it."
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"Hey, this is my new boyfriend, Rick."
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"Good, good."
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"Rick and I are actually about to tie the knot."
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"Oh, you guys are getting married?"
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"Deal."
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"TED: Hey, buddy. You okay, there?"
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"Are you still shaking off that hangover from the bachelor party?"
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"Oh! That's nice."
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"Oh, my God. She's fucking begging for it!"
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"(LAUGHS) She's totally begging. Get it. Get in there."
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"JOHN: Oh, yeah. She wants more"
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"than just a fucking pizza delivery, huh? (MEN LAUGHING)"
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"TED: That's bigger than the average bear right there, I tell you."
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"JOHN: You know what's fucked up? Dude, that's somebody's fucking daughter!"
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"I'm fine. I was thinking about Lori."
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"Oh, Johnny, come on, man."
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"It's been six months since you guys got divorced."
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"I know, I know. It's just that..."
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"Being back in that church again."
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"I mean, everything seemed like it was gonna be so perfect."
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"Yeah. Well, you're not the first guy"
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"if I did drugs on our wedding day."
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"Yeah, I'm gonna pass."
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"I'm starving. What the hell are you doing over there?"
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"I'm curing cancer."
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"I'm cooking your fucking steak- What do you think I'm doing?"
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"What do I think you're doing?"
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"Look at this, look at this. $129 at Filene's Basement."
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"What are you buying over there, Tami? Gold bars?"
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"I need clothes for work. All right, Teddy?"
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"Yeah? So are you!"
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"Oh, no, no, no, no, no!"
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"You're just buying weed, you're just buying drugs."
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"You should fucking talk!"
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"I was talking. I was just talking, just now, until you interrupted me."
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"I never get to fucking say anything!"
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"Are you gonna let me finish talking?"
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"You're always cutting me off!"
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"Are you gonna let me finish talking?"
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"It's important to look good at work."
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"Nobody's in there to look at your ass!"
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"You're acting like an asshole!"
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"Oh, what am I acting like, Tami?"
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"Like an asshole! That's what you're acting like!"
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"You don't got to dress like Elizabeth Taylor to put a yam in a plastic bag!"
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"The face of the business? So get the fuck off my case!"
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"Jesus Christ! Listen to you! You're delusional!"
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"I should've married Robert DiCicco. I really should've."
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"Fine! Fine! Go torture that asshole!"
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"He treated me good!"
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"And (GASPS) he had a dick! He had an awesome dick!"
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"Oh, newsflash! Boston whore has seen Italian penis."
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"You wanna call me a whore?"
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"You wanna throw shit?"
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"Yeah, I wanna fucking throw shit!"
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"Oh. Wow. There, see! How do you like that?"
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"I'm really fucking scared of you, you little fucking bear!"
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"Oh, for Christ's sake!"
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"Hey, you shut the fuck up!"
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"Why don't you come down and make me, tough guy?"
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"Yeah, why don't you come up here"
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"and make me come down there, tough guy?"
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"I am gonna come up there and I'm gonna kick your fucking ass!"
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"Get your ass up here and kick my ass!"
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"(SHOUTING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)"
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"Shut the fuck up, you stupid bitch!"
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"People are trying to sleep!"
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"God damn it!"
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"Shut the fuck up!"
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"Hey, I'm really sorry! Yeah, me, too."
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"She's worse than us."
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"Oh, God, yeah. It was a frigging disaster."
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"$250? Dude, that's ridiculous!"
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"I mean, doesn't your insurance cover that or something?"
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"Nah, Tami-Lynn tried to sign up for Obamacare on the Internet,"
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"but I came back five minutes later,"
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"she was looking at black cocks."
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"It seems like every time you go online,"
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"you're two clicks away from black cocks."
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"LOOK."
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"See, I'll Google "Grand Canyon.""
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"Here. Look, it says, "Did you mean black cocks?""
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"I don't know, man. I got to do something"
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"or my marriage is gonna collapse. (SIGHS)"
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"but I'm going to this after-hours thing"
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"at my friend's apartment, if you wanna join-."
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"Oh, my God! Are you fucking kidding me?"
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"Jesus,Johnny, she totally wants to sleep with you."
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"I'm not into it."
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"John, you've been saying that for over a year-and-a-half"
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"about every chick that throws herself at you."
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"with the wrong girl and I got burned."
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"Yeah, I got to take a leak."
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"Sorry, Allison. I tried."
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"(SIGHS) It's okay. I just wish he wasn't so goddamn cute."
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"Yeah. Hey, can I get a Jack Daniel's"
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"with just a splash of Grey Goose?"
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"Wish I could help you, but we're closing."
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"Come on, one drink and I promise I won't tell anybody"
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"(STRAINING) There we go. Thanks a lot, come again."
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"Hey."
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