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Clips from South Park - Roger Ebert Should Lay Off the Fatty Foods (S02E02)

"- That's a haiku? - No I'm asking why Eric Cartman isn't at school."
South Park
"- Was he on the school bus this morning? - No. - Fatass Cartman... was..."
South Park
"the school bus today... what a big fat turd."
South Park
"Oh, very good haiku Kyle. Yes, haikus have five syllables, then seven, then five."
South Park
"Kenny, can you give us another example?"
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"- What's a discharge? - Mr.Garrison, since haikus suck so much ass,"
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"- can we go back to the planitarium again? - Yeah I wanna go to the planetarium again too!"
South Park
"But you were just there, why do you wanna go again so soon?"
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"- Yeah, why DO we wanna go again so soon? - I dunno. I just have this sudden urge to go back."
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"Well I guess we could go again since it's just down the street."
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"Well hello, it's all my little friends with all their little dreams."
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"- Eric, where have you been? - Let's see where have I been, where have I been..."
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"winning regional championship!"
South Park
"Hmm, did you have a regional certificate Wendy? No? Apparently only I do!"
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"Ass full of pork fat... jiggles like a jello mold..."
South Park
"- I'm regional champion. - Does that mean you're gonna be on that Cheesy Poof commercial?"
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"I bet you don't win... they don't let big fatasses..."
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"or else I'm gonna...kick you.... squa....in the balls..."
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"asshole... ah damn it!"
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"- Uh, how's he doing nurse? - He's stable. But I still can't get any information out of him."
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"- I'm gonna sedate him now. - No! No drugs!"
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"- Drugs are good, mmkay. - Don't let them... no... planetarium..."
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"- Why Van Gelder? - The machine is...ahh..."
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"The machine is ahh? That's probably bad."
South Park
"He's been talking about "the machine" for hours. That and Daisy Fuentes."
South Park
"Why America's Funniest Home videos?? Why??"
South Park
"Uh there's only one way to get any sense out of him."
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"- We're gonna have to try a mind melt, mmkay. - A what?"
South Park
"Well it's an ancient technique handed down from school counselor to school counselor."
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"- I don't like to use it, but it may be our only hope. - Well what will you need?"
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"Just time to prepare nurse. Just time....mmkay."
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"Well children, I'm so glad you came back to learn more."
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"They just begged to come back, I couldn't get them to shut up about it."
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"Well I'm sure we're gonna have a marvelous time, won't we children?"
South Park
"- Yes. - This way please, enjoy your visit."
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"illions of stars and billions of galaxies make up our universe."
South Park
"Certainly Mr.Garrison."
South Park
"You love the planetarium. To be without the planetarium causes you horrible pain."
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"All you want to do is help the planetarium thrive!"
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"..and right over here we see the constillation orion. Orion's belt is made up of three stars."
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"- Dude, what just happened? - What do you mean?"
South Park
"- Don't be nervous, I'm sure you'll win. - I dunno, there's a lot of competition here."
South Park
"You think I might win, mommy?"
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"- Hey look they're giving away bread outside! - Did you hear that mommy?"
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"Come on perhaps we can get some food in our stomachs!"
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"What the hell are you boys doing, you're supposed to be in there."
South Park
"Mr.Garrison, we think that the planetarium guy is..."
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"Goodbye children, thanks for coming."
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"- I wanna go again. I wanna go again! - Oh for pete's sake Clyde, you just went."
South Park
"Well Clyde, if you like the plane-arium so much,"
South Park
"perhaps you'd like to do some volunteer work here."
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"- Yes, yes please! - Me too I wanna do it!"
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"Excellent! Why don't we step over here and I'll show all you children how to volunteer?"
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"- Dude, this isn't right. - Why? - We're kids dude. We don't volunteer for anything."
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"Here's the control panel that operates all the stars."
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"Kenny you go out there and tell us what you see."
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"He hits this switch."
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"I don't see it."
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"- You see? Nothing dude, just a bunch of stars. - Yeah, I guess so."
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"- What does that do? - I dunno."
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"Kenny what's it doing?"
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"It says "maximum"."
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"- Oh my god! We've killed Kenny! - We're bastards!"
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"...And Bingo was his name-o. Once a farmer had a dog and Bingo was his name-o."
South Park
"...and Bingo was his naaamme-o."
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"Thank you, uh Peter, we'll let you know very soon."
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"- Next will be uh...Eric Theodore Cartman. - Hello everybody!"
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"- Now just do it like we rehearsed hon. - I know I know."
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"She was hogged by the money! So hogged by her honey!"
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"She was all about the money! So hogged by her honey!"
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"She was hogged by the money so you better treat her right..."
South Park
"Well Eric Cartman, that certainly was..."
South Park
"- We'll let you know. - Thank you."
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"- Don't pick your nose, hon. - I'm not picking it ma! God damn it I had a itch!"
South Park
"Geezes, where do we find these people?"
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"Our minds are one. Mmkay."
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"Our thoughts are one....mmkay."
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"This is the strangest thing I've ever seen."
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"Open your mind, to your counselor. Open your mind."
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"- Doctor Adams... - Yes..."
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"- He owns the planetarium, what about him? - He uses the machine."
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"The star machine. Mmkay."
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"He uses it to erase minds."
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"- But why? - Planetarium. About to go out of business."
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"- Adams had to create slaves to survive. - My god this is amazing!"
South Park
"Please nurse you're throwing off my ching, mmkay?"
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"We certainly would like to congradulate all our finalists."
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"Only one of our finalists can win the grand prize and,"
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"- unfortunately that finalist is Eric Cartman. - Yes! I'm the best!"
South Park
"You were actually our last choice, but the other children had unexpectedly"
South Park
"taken jobs as volunteers at the planetarium."
South Park
"- That's odd. - Sweeet!"
South Park
"It appears that more and more South Park residents are"
South Park
"dicovering the wonder and joy of the planetarium."
South Park
"Here with a special report is a 34 year old Asian man"
South Park
"who looks strikingly simila to Recardo Montebon."
South Park
"Thanks Tom, yes indeed the planetarium has become very popular as word spreads,"
South Park
"it really isn't as lame and stupid as one suspected."
South Park
"I'd like to open an invitation to all South Park residents,"
South Park
"to come see a special free show this evening."
South Park
"I guarantee, it'll change the way you think about the plane-arium."
South Park
"So bring the whole family to the planeTArium, for a night of excitement and wonder."
South Park
"And then we turned the dial and Kenny went into a kind of... hypnosis."
South Park
"- But it's true dude! - Are you boys just sure you're not making this all up?"
South Park
"- Yeah, pretty sure. - Well just as soon as I handle all the other crime in South Park,"
South Park
"I'm gonna go with you to the planetarium so I can prove that nothing's wrong."
South Park
"What other crime in South Park?"
South Park
"Oh yeah, let's go."
South Park
"- Ok, let's shoot the commercial. Where's our cheesy poof talent? - I'm over here!"
South Park
"Oh you look great hon! Mommy's fat little piggy!"
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"- Hold it! Cut! Can we get some more light on that backdrop? - Sure thing!"
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"- Oh man. Come on! - Got it!"
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"Ok here we go... and action."
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"I love cheesy poofs, you love cheesy poofs..."
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"- Cut! - What?! - I'm not liking the shoes, can we change the shoes?"
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"Oh god damn it!"
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"Oh hello officer of the law."
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"- Hello Mr.Planetarium operator. - What brings you out here?"
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"- And this is the constillation called Casiopia. -Oh neato."
South Park
"And now officer, from this moment on, you will think that you are Elvis Presley."
South Park
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