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Clips from Scrubs - My Inconvenient Truth (S07E07)

"Nothing in my life could compare to this."
Scrubs
"What can I do, you know? She took a job at another hospital."
Scrubs
"But they only moved, like, 40 minutes away."
Scrubs
"I'm gonna see Sam all the time."
Scrubs
"Matter of fact, I'm going there tonight."
Scrubs
"Since Keith and I broke up, I haven't been eating or sleeping very well,"
Scrubs
"so I'm down a dress size."
Scrubs
"You look like you've been sick."
Scrubs
"Come on, baby. Let's go see how much you weigh."
Scrubs
"She sits on the seat and then holds on"
Scrubs
"by tucking her hands inside my bike shorts."
Scrubs
"Yeah. Doesn't feel right."
Scrubs
"Hey, is your engine still running?"
Scrubs
"You know what really sucks?"
Scrubs
"Plus, I'm making that 40-minute drive on a scooter"
Scrubs
"because his stupid flopsy baby neck isn't strong enough to wear a helmet."
Scrubs
"Anyway, you want to know"
Scrubs
"This guy came in for a simple spinal fusion."
Scrubs
"Hey, man, if it involves making J.D. Scream like a little girl,"
Scrubs
"I'm a monster!"
Scrubs
"Damn it!"
Scrubs
"Really? Well, here's what I want you to do."
Scrubs
"They're everywhere. The stuff that's making you goofy. It's all over."
Scrubs
"Stop that. Get him out of here."
Scrubs
"Put the coffee down. Get out! Get out! Go, go, go, go!"
Scrubs
"and then yelled at an intern over coffee."
Scrubs
"You are going to be a huge help when it comes time to write my memoirs."
Scrubs
"You know, your smoking is killing you."
Scrubs
"My first step was going with all hemp underwear. It's awesome!"
Scrubs
"And Ted, so help me, I had better not find your head indentation"
Scrubs
"Thanks for buying me lunch, J.D. I'm a little cash light."
Scrubs
"Having Dan here wasn't all bad."
Scrubs
"So, Dan, you still living with your mom?"
Scrubs
"Musty heat, yes. Good question, Turk."
Scrubs
"Actually, J.D., I just bought my own house."
Scrubs
"Well, if you're doing so well, how come you made me buy you your lunch?"
Scrubs
"Are you... Can I... I'll just... I'm just... Okay."
Scrubs
"You have your own sandwich."
Scrubs
"And now I have yours."
Scrubs
"- Mayo? - What? You don't like mayo?"
Scrubs
"Yeah. I saw a ghost."
Scrubs
"I mean, it was so embarrassing."
Scrubs
"- Bummer. - Yeah."
Scrubs
"Anyhoo, we'll run some tests."
Scrubs
"Sorry, but these spaces are now for carpool only."
Scrubs
"but I can give you this citation just as a symbolic gesture."
Scrubs
"If you leave a light on,"
Scrubs
"Well, I can't really damage your car,"
Scrubs
"but I might just throw a wasp hive in there."
Scrubs
"Maybe mess with the locks so you can't get out."
Scrubs
"Remember, give a hoot, don't litter."
Scrubs
"That was outstanding."
Scrubs
"That was your can, Dan."
Scrubs
"You're so cranky. I'm gonna cheer you up."
Scrubs
"'Cause last time I was here, J.D., you laid some hard truths on me"
Scrubs
"So now, I got you a little something to say thank you."
Scrubs
"I eat. I mean, I'm not anorexic."
Scrubs
"I'm gonna go ahead and borrow your doctor for a quick second."
Scrubs
"Come on, J.D. This is the perfect gift."
Scrubs
"Plus, this is a hybrid, so you'll save tons on gas."
Scrubs
"Got it! 298!"
Scrubs
"which is a full one pound less than your patient who is "in trouble.""
Scrubs
"- No? Not smart enough to follow? - No."
Scrubs
"J.D., I enjoy a demonstration of your lack of physical strength"
Scrubs
"Dan, you come here with your new job and your new house"
Scrubs
"You're supposed to be the loser, not me."
Scrubs
"And then Dan said the last thing I ever expected to hear from him."
Scrubs
"- Be gentle. - Nope."
Scrubs
"He became a character he liked to call the "constant questioner.""
Scrubs
"New from Mattel, it's Hypocrite Barbie!"
Scrubs
"because you brought in a bag of celery sticks and some air for lunch today."
Scrubs
"He's got crazy eyes."
Scrubs
"I do and I'm okay with it."
Scrubs
"That's very wasteful. Must you wash your hands so often?"
Scrubs
"I just changed an 80-year old man's diaper"
Scrubs
"and I'm about to eat a muffin, so if you don't mind, I'm gonna wash away."
Scrubs
"but my bucket's all the way downstairs so I will let you off the hook,"
Scrubs
"Move it, Jolly Green."
Scrubs
"What's up your butt?"
Scrubs
"Yesterday, Dan told me that I need to grow up."
Scrubs
"Me! I mean, you don't think that, do you?"
Scrubs
"you're just... You're just not ready for it."
Scrubs
"Here goes, the answer is a sincere,"
Scrubs
"I just needed to find someone who really understood me."
Scrubs
"- My scar! - Is that face paint?"
Scrubs
"Oh, really?"
Scrubs
"Yeah. I promised a patient that we'd gain weight together, so..."
Scrubs
"What's up, girl?"
Scrubs
"Hey, why wouldn't you throw that in recycling?"
Scrubs
"What's happened to you?"
Scrubs
"You were going to change the world, man."
Scrubs
"You are pathetic and weak and I don't love you any more."
Scrubs
"You don't think I need to grow up, do you, Turk?"
Scrubs
"But when you leave, I go back to being a husband and a father,"
Scrubs
"which means paying bills, giving my daughter a bath,"
Scrubs
"But you, have you even baby-proofed your apartment"
Scrubs
"All right, so you tell me. Do you think you need to grow up?"
Scrubs
"Do it. Do it now."
Scrubs
"Are you done?"
Scrubs
"- Please. - You're both human."
Scrubs
"They are! And Elliot, I'm really annoyed with you"
Scrubs
"even if you can't follow your own advice."
Scrubs
"and then get complacent."
Scrubs
"Janitors don't whine."
Scrubs
"Hey."
Scrubs
"Wanna see the dance again?"
Scrubs
"Yeah. That'd be great."
Scrubs
"I'm happy for you, Dan."
Scrubs
"Yeah, I discovered that's the stereo."
Scrubs
"Well, what about you?"
Scrubs
"Barbie, there you are. You were standing sideways, so I didn't see you."
Scrubs
"you had better bring a scone for the driver."
Scrubs
"as you got older."
Scrubs
"But it's really something you have to choose to do."
Scrubs
"See you tomorrow, Sam. I promise."
Scrubs
"Good night, buddy."
Scrubs
"I guess I feel like I'm finally on my way."
Scrubs
"I'm a dad."
Scrubs
"That's not your kid."
Scrubs
"That's a girl."
Scrubs
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