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Clips from Scrubs - My Occurrence (S01E01)

"He'd only been here one day and there wasn't even anything wrong with him."
Scrubs
"- What do you mean? - Think about it."
Scrubs
"Yeah."
Scrubs
"Let's try this again. Are those the test results?"
Scrubs
"Ben, you have leukaemia."
Scrubs
"That sucks."
Scrubs
"This patient today thought he had blood in his stool."
Scrubs
"What's wrong with you? We have a good bottle of wine, we all look nice."
Scrubs
"Name an actress."
Scrubs
"Drew Barrymore, Meg Ryan, Jennifer Connelly."
Scrubs
"topless in Inventing the Abbotts, bottomless in Requiem For a Dream,"
Scrubs
"frontal and tush-tush."
Scrubs
"This isn't gonna end well. I used to wrestle in college."
Scrubs
"That? Oh, that's a nail gun accident."
Scrubs
"I dosed him with morphine, and the nail went straight through,"
Scrubs
"Dear God, she's getting woozy. Quickly, show her the bloody side."
Scrubs
"Wanna touch it? Touch the nail. Touch my nail! Touch it!"
Scrubs
"Somebody'll get her."
Scrubs
"You're a doctor. You shouldn't have to look at that stuff."
Scrubs
"She just skip the part where people say hello to each other?"
Scrubs
"I miss the sweet talk."
Scrubs
"You're my brother!"
Scrubs
"Patient's name is Mo Weinberg. Cancer is confined to the right testicle."
Scrubs
"Dr Turk will be assisting with the removal."
Scrubs
"Starting the incision."
Scrubs
"Wait, wait. Stop, stop. I'm guessing Mr Weinberg is Jewish."
Scrubs
"- Yeah, so? - Why isn't he circumcised?"
Scrubs
"Most of these are clerical and harmless,"
Scrubs
"No, Mom, I don't care what my third grade teacher is up to."
Scrubs
"I haven't seen you since your breakdown."
Scrubs
"Oh. So..."
Scrubs
"The weight of the world on my shoulders."
Scrubs
"But that sent me on this whole shame spiral, so I decided to travel."
Scrubs
"Then I went to Florida to swim with Dolphins."
Scrubs
"There was an NFL thing going on at the hotel."
Scrubs
"There used to be a ring, but my fiancé did some soul-searching"
Scrubs
"The only reason you're vomiting and exhausted is..."
Scrubs
"Well, you're pregnant."
Scrubs
"Yeah, pregnant! Your fiancé's gonna be so happy!"
Scrubs
"My fiancé and I decided not to have sex until we were married."
Scrubs
"So he's not gonna be so happy."
Scrubs
"More curious, really, than happy."
Scrubs
"Rewrap a dirty bandage. It's phenomenal"
Scrubs
"how you doctors keep all this in your head."
Scrubs
"You shouldn't do contracting. You're clumsy. That's why these things happen."
Scrubs
"They don't."
Scrubs
"How many times have you hurt yourself with that nail gun?"
Scrubs
"- Once. What? - Oh, come on."
Scrubs
"the estimate would be slightly higher."
Scrubs
"It's not funny."
Scrubs
"You big jerk."
Scrubs
"I thought we were clear on that one."
Scrubs
"We haven't grabbed a beer in weeks. What's that about?"
Scrubs
"You can't drink. You're our driver. That's why we brought you."
Scrubs
"That's just not right."
Scrubs
"but here's the skinny."
Scrubs
"If that patient finds out what happened because you can't rein in your yapper,"
Scrubs
"then heads will roll, and I promise,"
Scrubs
"What did I do?"
Scrubs
"Young man!"
Scrubs
"At Sacred Heart, we do not make mistakes."
Scrubs
"if I didn't love you so much."
Scrubs
"Hold on one second. Hold on! Hi!"
Scrubs
"but there's a woman in 308 whose first name is Tracy."
Scrubs
"which is why your pee is lighter than most people's,"
Scrubs
"and the sample with your name on was bright yellow,"
Scrubs
"which is why I think her skin looks so pasty."
Scrubs
"You're not pregnant! The lab tech just switched the samples."
Scrubs
"Kim Basinger."
Scrubs
"Winona Ryder."
Scrubs
"Never naked, but just a hint of nipple"
Scrubs
"Good. At last, a worthy foe."
Scrubs
"What?"
Scrubs
"You're going for that gruff doctor routine,"
Scrubs
"but you just come off sounding like a cartoon pirate."
Scrubs
"''Gladys. Chalk it! Don't pleasure it!''"
Scrubs
"''Here's what we're gonna do.''"
Scrubs
"Yeah, I think you are too."
Scrubs
"All right, Clara."
Scrubs
"You can order yourself a Cosmopolitan."
Scrubs
"We'll just grab a cab home."
Scrubs
"Actually, Ben's been sneaking me beers all night, and I'm quite drunk."
Scrubs
"That's just great."
Scrubs
"Why is this hand still bleeding?"
Scrubs
"It's weird. I cut myself shaving last week"
Scrubs
"and it wouldn't stop bleeding."
Scrubs
"is that you never miss a red flag."
Scrubs
"- Humour me. It's probably mono. - The kissing disease?"
Scrubs
"Your only job today is to get his test results back, you understand?"
Scrubs
"Hey, guys!"
Scrubs
"See, now that's real."
Scrubs
"But if a clerical error is the reason a guy's walking around"
Scrubs
"I'm with you, big dog."
Scrubs
"I was paged because Ben's blood work was finally ready."
Scrubs
"Excuse me, sir..."
Scrubs
"I'll come back later."
Scrubs
"The haematopathologist was the last person I wanted to deal with."
Scrubs
"Why do you have to jump out and scare me all the time?"
Scrubs
"I don't jump out and scare you. I follow you around all day."
Scrubs
"The rest of the time, I track you, like an animal."
Scrubs
"- Come on, good news. - Hey, Bambi."
Scrubs
"When you deliver horrible news to someone,"
Scrubs
"She got your hobby? That's vindictive."
Scrubs
"Look, Ben, I know I am prone to making the occasional casual reference"
Scrubs
"But I hope that has no effect on your relationship."
Scrubs
"It's very sweet of you to think that you're that important."
Scrubs
"You are in serious trouble."
Scrubs
"- All right. Terrific to see you. Bye. - Go."
Scrubs
"I know who screwed this up."
Scrubs
"- There she is. I'm gonna go get her. - I can fight my own battles."
Scrubs
"You're gonna write an angry note? She doesn't deserve it."
Scrubs
"- I lost my thesaurus. - You go get her then."
Scrubs
"Hi, how... Could you check, there's a very important file I..."
Scrubs
"Tag me in. I am oiled-up and ready to go."
Scrubs
"She said a minute, so I'm sure that in a minute..."
Scrubs
"Now it's two. You're in."
Scrubs
"Thank you. My friend needs you to check on the Ben Sullivan file,"
Scrubs
"and you're gonna do it right now. Why?"
Scrubs
"These aren't my words."
Scrubs
"Hello, Dr Dorian. Let's take a ride."
Scrubs
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