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Clips from The Big Bang Theory - The Maternal Congruence (S03E03)

"We discussed it at length during our last video chat."
The Big Bang Theory
"Although how we got onto the subject of you is baffling."
The Big Bang Theory
"Yes, but we are on the subject, so I'm obliged to ask."
The Big Bang Theory
"- Fine, Mom. How are you? - Menopausal."
The Big Bang Theory
"Now I'm less fine."
The Big Bang Theory
"- Have you heard your brother's engaged? - No."
The Big Bang Theory
"My bad. I did send a gift from both of us."
The Big Bang Theory
"She's a remarkable girl. The youngest appeals-court judge in New Jersey..."
The Big Bang Theory
"...and a two-time Olympic bronze medalist."
The Big Bang Theory
"So how about you? Are you seeing anyone interesting?"
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"Well, I'm not sure about interesting, but..."
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"- Not the time, Sheldon. - Very well."
The Big Bang Theory
"Shall we switch topics to Isaac Newton v. Gottfried Leibniz?"
The Big Bang Theory
"I will just pretend that Leonard's not withholding information."
The Big Bang Theory
"...and you are exhibiting the same secretive behavioral tics..."
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"...that accompanied your learning to masturbate."
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"Isn't she brilliant, Leonard?"
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"How I envy you."
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"So, Howard, have you and Rajesh finally summoned the courage..."
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"...to express your latent homosexual feelings towards one another?"
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"What? No."
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"Why not?"
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"Because we don't have latent homosexual feelings toward one another."
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"- No, really. I have a girlfriend now. - And where is she this evening?"
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"She had to go out of town, her grandmother died."
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""Her grandmother died.""
The Big Bang Theory
"Honest to God. Ahem. Leonard, tell her I have a girlfriend."
The Big Bang Theory
"I don't know what you're talking about."
The Big Bang Theory
"What do you mean, you don't know what I'm talking about?"
The Big Bang Theory
"- Tell her I have a girlfriend. - All right."
The Big Bang Theory
"He "has" a "girlfriend.""
The Big Bang Theory
"Her name is Bernadette."
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"She's a waitress, but going to school to be a microbiologist."
The Big Bang Theory
"...the more you're hurting your partner."
The Big Bang Theory
"Do you really think your lips in my ear is helping?"
The Big Bang Theory
"- Hi. Sorry I'm late. - Oh, glad you're here."
The Big Bang Theory
"Sit down, I'll get you a plate. Mom, you remember Penny?"
The Big Bang Theory
"Oh, yes, the waitress/actress with the unresolved father issues."
The Big Bang Theory
"Has he finally come to terms with his little slugger growing breasts?"
The Big Bang Theory
"Well, he sent me a football and a catcher's mitt for Christmas..."
The Big Bang Theory
"...so I'm gonna say no."
The Big Bang Theory
"If it helps, we're all good with your breasts."
The Big Bang Theory
"Classic overcompensation."
The Big Bang Theory
"Oh, speaking of fathers, Leonard, that reminds me. I'm divorcing yours."
The Big Bang Theory
"- What? - Yes. He was cheating on me."
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"- No. - Yes."
The Big Bang Theory
"With some waitress from the university cafeteria."
The Big Bang Theory
"Can you believe it? A waitress."
The Big Bang Theory
"Oh, no offense, dear."
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"- When did this happen? - Well, let's see."
The Big Bang Theory
"Sheldon, when did I leave Leonard's father?"
The Big Bang Theory
"Right, the weekend after Leonard's dog died."
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"Mitzy's dead?"
The Big Bang Theory
"She was old and blind, Leonard. What choice did we have?"
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"I don't believe this. Why am I the last to know?"
The Big Bang Theory
"Excuse me, I am the one getting a divorce..."
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"...Mitzy is the one who is dead, why are you the one making a fuss?"
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"You're right. I'm sorry."
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"I'm way out of line."
The Big Bang Theory
"Penny, what's new in your life?"
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"Nothing. Not a damn thing."
The Big Bang Theory
"Thank you for driving me back to my hotel."
The Big Bang Theory
"Oh, it's not a problem."
The Big Bang Theory
"I was going to ask Leonard to do it, but he seemed a bit emotionally unstable..."
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"...and you don't want someone like that operating heavy machinery."
The Big Bang Theory
"No, you do not."
The Big Bang Theory
"Your "check engine" light is on."
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"So you must be devastated about your divorce."
The Big Bang Theory
"Oh, not at all. But I am a bit distressed to be in a vehicle..."
The Big Bang Theory
"...that's not subjected to regular maintenance."
The Big Bang Theory
"Come on, I mean, you're not upset that your marriage is over?"
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"...but that's the natural reaction of the limbic system..."
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"...to being betrayed by a loathsome son of a bitch."
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"...by the fact that I haven't had intercourse with him in eight years."
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"- Eight years? - Oh, that's nothing."
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"Yikes."
The Big Bang Theory
"Wha...? What's so funny?"
The Big Bang Theory
"That's exactly what I say during orgasms: Yikes."
The Big Bang Theory
"I could use a drink. You wanna stop for a drink?"
The Big Bang Theory
"Leonard? Leonard? Leonard?"
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"I made tea."
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"I don't want tea."
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"I didn't make tea for you."
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"This is my tea."
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"Then why are you telling me?"
The Big Bang Theory
"It's a conversation starter."
The Big Bang Theory
"That's a lousy conversation starter."
The Big Bang Theory
"What do you want, Sheldon?"
The Big Bang Theory
"What I want is to be departing the starship Enterprise..."
The Big Bang Theory
"Mm, I want that too."
The Big Bang Theory
"Why are you here?"
The Big Bang Theory
"To comfort you, of course."
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"No, that's not going to work at all. I'll comfort you from over here."
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"Leonard, what you're experiencing is a classic Jungian crisis..."
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"...in which the aging individual mourns the loss..."
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"...of the never-to-be-realized ideal family unit."
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"- It's not? - No. No, the comforting part..."
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"...is that the Germans have a term for what you're feeling, "Weltschmerz.""
The Big Bang Theory
"...to a hypothetical idealized world."
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"You're right, I do feel better."
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"Yeah, the Germans have always been a comforting people."
The Big Bang Theory
"...you always have me, your surrogate family."
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"You're my surrogate family?"
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"If it's any consolation, I'm not happy about it either. Good night."
The Big Bang Theory
"Okay, now this time, try drinking it all at once."
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"Ah."
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"Yikes."
The Big Bang Theory
"I've been responsible for my own buzz since 2003."
The Big Bang Theory
"Another round for me and my homegirl."
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"I feel a spreading warmth through my extremities."
The Big Bang Theory
"As long as you don't feel it running down your pants, you're fine."
The Big Bang Theory
"That is fascinating."
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"I'm noticing an immediate lowering of my inhibitions."
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"...to ravish me in the alleyway while I eat cheesecake."
The Big Bang Theory
"What do you think?"
The Big Bang Theory
"Well, we are known for our cheesecake."
The Big Bang Theory
"- Hey, Bev, guess what? - What?"
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"I'm sleeping with your son."
The Big Bang Theory
"Really?"
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"Which one?"
The Big Bang Theory
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