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Clips from The Big Bang Theory - The Maternal Congruence (S03E03)

"...is a serious disease, which could lead to congestive heart failure."
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"- You really didn't like it, Sheldon? - No, on the contrary."
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"I found the Grinch to be a relatable, engaging character."
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"Oh, sounds festive. Did you at least give presents?"
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"Hm, in a way. We presented papers."
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"And then broke off into focus groups and critiqued each other."
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"...that celebrated the winter solstice with lit fires and slaughtered goats."
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"You dispute Newton's claim that he invented calculus..."
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"Yeah, you got me. I'm a Leibniz man."
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"- Well, I just... I thought... - If I could interject here."
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"I just don't understand why he knows more about your life than I do."
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"It's what we think caused your narcissistic-personality disorder."
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"Leonard, how are you?"
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"Sheldon, why didn't you tell me?"
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"You must be very happy."
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"It's all right, Sheldon."
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"Although, I will point out, Leonard, that I am a trained psychiatrist..."
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"I see."
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"The more passionately you stick to this construct..."
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"No, it sounded like a compliment."
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"Yeah, I gotta put a sticker over that."
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"Well, initially I felt something akin to grief and perhaps anger..."
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"- Sure. Sure. - Thankfully, my shock was mitigated..."
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"- Oh, I don't drink. - I do. I'll teach you."
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"What is it?"
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"Oh, is it? We're conversing. Checkmate."
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"...in a one-man shuttlecraft headed to the planetoid I rule..."
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"It means the depression that arises from comparing the world as it is..."
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"Just remember, Leonard, where your biological family has failed you..."
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"For example, I'm seriously considering asking that busboy..."
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"- Hit us again. - Yes."
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"- If a little is good, more must be better. - Ha, ha."
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"Actually, I've only had the cheesecake."
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"- Well, let's go find out who. - You go get a taxi."
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"Get out here! Your mommy wants to talk to you!"
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"...is that you want a more intimate mother-son relationship."
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"And I want you to take very good care of this young woman."
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"Aw, I always tear up when the Grinch's heart grows three sizes."
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"Tears seem appropriate."
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"Enlargement of the heart muscle, or hypertrophic cardiomyopathy..."
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"Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la."
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"I was really with him up to the point that he succumbed to social convention..."
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"...and returned the presents and saved Christmas."
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"What a buzzkill that was."
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"When we watch Frosty the Snowman, he roots for the sun."
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"Frosty is merely a bit of frozen supernatural ephemera in a stolen hat."
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"A crime, by the way, for which he is never brought to account."
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"I just love decorating the Christmas tree, it makes me feel like a little girl again."
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"We didn't have a tree when I was growing up."
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"- Really? Why not? - Mm, in my family..."
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"...holidays weren't so much celebrated, as studied for their anthropological..."
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"...and psychological implications on human society."
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"Sheldon, what about you? Did you have a tree?"
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"Oh, yes."
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"We had a tree, we had a manger..."
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"...we had an inflatable Santa Claus with plastic reindeer on the front lawn."
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"To make things more jolly, there were so many blinking lights on the house..."
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"...they induced neighborhood-wide seizures."
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"I take it you don't wanna help us trim the tree?"
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"I do not. But if you insist on decorating a spider-infested fire hazard in my home..."
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"...I would request that you that add this."
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"What is it?"
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"You're kidding, right? It's a bust of Sir Isaac Newton."
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"Oh, sure, sure. Yeah, very Christmassy."
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"Here we go."
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"December 25th, 1642, Julian calendar, Sir Isaac Newton is born."
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"Jesus, on the other hand, was actually born in the summer."
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"His birthday was moved to coincide with the traditional pagan holiday..."
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"Which, frankly, sounds like more fun..."
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"...than 12 hours of church with my mother followed by a fruitcake."
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"Merry Newtonmas, everyone."
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"I sense that's not sincere, although I have no idea why."
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"No, it's fine. Sir Isaac can go next to this candy cane."
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"No, Isaac goes at the top of the tree."
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"- No, he doesn't. - I understand."
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"...and you want to put Gottfried Leibniz on the top."
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"Perhaps when your mother gets here, she'll talk some sense into you."
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"- What? Your mother's coming? When? - Tomorrow."
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"When were you gonna tell me?"
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"Oh. Tomorrow?"
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"Why were you keeping this a secret?"
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"Obviously, Leonard is concerned that his mother won't approve of you as his mate."
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"Wh...? Why wouldn't she approve of me? I'm adorable."
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"- Yeah, you are. It's just my moth... - If I could interject again."
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"Leonard comes from a remarkably high-achieving family..."
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"...who have all chosen high-achieving partners."
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"He probably feels that it's doubtful that his mother will be overly impressed..."
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"...with his dating a woman whose most significant achievement..."
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"...is memorizing the Cheesecake Factory menu."
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"Hey, it's a big menu."
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"There's two pages just for desserts."
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"I know. And those specials, they change every day."
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"Okay, it's lame when I say it, it's ridiculous when you pile on."
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"Okay. Sorry."
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"What did she say when you told her we were going out?"
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"Um..."
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"You didn't tell her we were going out, did you?"
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"- Why not? - Um..."
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"Leonard, I'm no expert on meditation..."
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"...but if you're trying to calm yourself down, I believe the word is "om.""
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"It was so nice of you to come to the airport to pick me up."
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"No trouble at all."
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"I drove, Mother."
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"I'm driving now."
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"Yes, dear. Mommy's proud."
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"Thank you for your notes on my paper disproving quantum-brain-dynamic theory."
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"My pleasure."
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"You know, for a non-physicist, you have a remarkable grasp..."
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"...of how electric dipoles in the brain's water molecules..."
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"...could not possibly form a Bose condensate."
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"Wait, wait, wait. When did you send my mom notes on a paper?"
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"August 16th. Right after her carpal-tunnel surgery."
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"- Did I thank you for the flowers? - You did."
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"- I don't really like flowers. - Neither do I."
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"- But it's the social convention. - It is, isn't it?"
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"Wait, wait, wait. You had surgery?"
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"- Yes, and Sheldon sent me flowers. - No, I heard that."
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"Then what was all that "wait, wait, wait" about?"
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"Because Sheldon and I stay in touch due to mutual interest and respect..."
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"...while you avoid me due to unresolved childhood issues."
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