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Clips from Scrubs - My Half-Acre (S05E05)

"Uh, Perry, this is your son, not a rescued pit bull. Give him a kiss."
Scrubs
"and I'm just not real big on kissing guys."
Scrubs
"When my father showed me affection,"
Scrubs
"Now give him a proper goodbye."
Scrubs
"Son, always a pleasure."
Scrubs
"- No more kissing! - Wh...?"
Scrubs
"[Singsong] Stay out of it, Carla."
Scrubs
"What is wrong with you?"
Scrubs
"I've come up with a new regimen that will enable us to continue treatment."
Scrubs
"Now you've told me, it won't sound sincere."
Scrubs
"Dr. Cox, you're amazing."
Scrubs
"It's just my job."
Scrubs
"[Music stops]"
Scrubs
"Well, uh, thanks for coming to the audition in costume."
Scrubs
"What costume?"
Scrubs
"[Turk laughing]"
Scrubs
"Dude, I just came up with the perfect name for your band: Mercy Flush."
Scrubs
"Do you think this is easy?"
Scrubs
"[# Bell Biv DeVoe: Poison]"
Scrubs
"- He's going to be trouble. - I know."
Scrubs
"But he's so damn talented."
Scrubs
"[J.D.] I convinced Julie to meet me"
Scrubs
"by explaining that my comment was a simple miscommunication."
Scrubs
"I wasn't saying you smelled like my mom. I was saying you smelled like Mu-Mum."
Scrubs
"It's an exotic flower that's indigenous to the hills of Costa Rica."
Scrubs
"[J.D.] Oh, Mommy."
Scrubs
"- See you later. - Yes."
Scrubs
"Oh, gosh. [laughs]"
Scrubs
"Oh, my gosh! Oh, my gosh! I am so, so sorry."
Scrubs
"- Oh, no, it happens. - It does. It happens."
Scrubs
"Bye."
Scrubs
"Isn't she great?"
Scrubs
"It is not funny and I still have not forgiven you for killing that pony."
Scrubs
"if you ever find yourself in a romantic situation again,"
Scrubs
"ignore whatever pops into your head."
Scrubs
"Just look into her eyes and say these exact words:"
Scrubs
""I'm so glad I found you.""
Scrubs
"Hmm. Right back at you."
Scrubs
"And I love that you're calling me J.D."
Scrubs
"Dr. Cox, could you help me with a central line?"
Scrubs
"Fine, Lonnie, but hand to God,"
Scrubs
"if you so much as look at me for the next month,"
Scrubs
"I will mummify your head in surgical tape."
Scrubs
"Thank you, Dr. Cox."
Scrubs
"Is he gone? No. Hello?"
Scrubs
"Good news. Your intestinal bleeding can be fixed with a very simple surgery."
Scrubs
"Surgery? I'm a Jehovah's Witness."
Scrubs
"We believe that blood should not be passed from person to person."
Scrubs
"I'm a doctor. And we believe that without surgery,"
Scrubs
"a patient in your condition can suffer from a major case of deadness."
Scrubs
"Don't worry, he'll figure out another way to treat you."
Scrubs
"I'm having so much fun hanging out with you."
Scrubs
"Really? While I was in the bathroom, I wrote my name in the mirror"
Scrubs
"with my finger so next time you took a shower and it fogged,"
Scrubs
"you'd think ghosts were telling you to be with me."
Scrubs
"I wanted a picture of us old, you know?"
Scrubs
"we'll always have that memory of us together."
Scrubs
"That's so sweet."
Scrubs
"[J.D.] OK, romance is in the air. You gotta say something."
Scrubs
"Tell her about the hit-and-run. No, she loves ponies."
Scrubs
"Say that thing Elliot told you, even though it's stupid."
Scrubs
"Yes! That was very tight."
Scrubs
"Well, it seems I've stumbled into the "time well spent" ward."
Scrubs
"Oh, God. What have I done?"
Scrubs
"Yeah, I don't see that happening, Bobby."
Scrubs
"'Morning, Elliot."
Scrubs
"By the way, Julie's here. I'm not gonna kiss and tell."
Scrubs
"the last thing you want is it to be taken away."
Scrubs
"Whether it's a newfound hobby..."
Scrubs
"Why'd you want to see me?"
Scrubs
"Quick announcement, people."
Scrubs
"From this moment on, there will be no air-banding allowed in the hospital."
Scrubs
"The king has spoken."
Scrubs
"[Imitating Elvis] Thank you very much."
Scrubs
"[J.D.]... or the image of someone you looked up to."
Scrubs
"[Carla] So, what's going to happen?"
Scrubs
"[J.D.] As for me, all I lost was my pride."
Scrubs
"Hey, Elliot. Oh, J.D.? I'm glad I found you too."
Scrubs
"Ha-ha, you had sex with a beautiful girl you really like."
Scrubs
"Sometimes she needs a little help."
Scrubs
"You probably meant to say if it weren't for you, I'd still be dating my laptop."
Scrubs
"I don't even play that with Turk."
Scrubs
"the minute you fall for someone. Don't go quickly or like I said,"
Scrubs
"you'll end up with a beautiful girl."
Scrubs
"- Dating my laptop. - Dating your laptop. Thank you."
Scrubs
"Let's bring it in. Cool cats on three."
Scrubs
"- One, two, three: - [All] Cool cats!"
Scrubs
"Because Mrs. Wilk didn't choose to have her allergy, so..."
Scrubs
"Wait, there's a young man behind you with a quick medical question."
Scrubs
"[Jordan] Will you kiss me?"
Scrubs
"You know, you're eventually gonna have to kiss your boy."
Scrubs
"God, elevator."
Scrubs
"He's got my back, even if I don't technically believe in him."
Scrubs
"My friend, you have found the Saltine."
Scrubs
"Don't tell Elliot we're still playing."
Scrubs
"Turkelton, I have many more pressing issues,"
Scrubs
"starting with a gigantic paralyzed wife,"
Scrubs
"called Dr. Dad, which, despite mixed reviews, has been held over in Buffalo."
Scrubs
"Why don't you just do whatever the hell you want to do."
Scrubs
"It's the way you said it."
Scrubs
"except for storing deer meat in his mini-fridge,"
Scrubs
"is people being disrespectful to him."
Scrubs
"Do you play?"
Scrubs
"we have to transfer her to another facility."
Scrubs
"All right, listen up and listen good. I will kill anyone who tells Carla."
Scrubs
"Then I will take it away. Let's get to work."
Scrubs
"Lonnie... are you looking at me again?"
Scrubs
"No."
Scrubs
"No, it's a sound investment. And a great addition to my portfolio."
Scrubs
"[J.D.] Which consists of shares of Eastern Airlines stock"
Scrubs
"J.D., this is a mistake."
Scrubs
"You're not Broker of the Year Whit Prowdy."
Scrubs
"Don't do this. You're going too fast."
Scrubs
"- Why should I believe you? - Because honesty is my business."
Scrubs
"Just you? Or all the Turkeltones?"
Scrubs
"We don't just rock together. We roll together."
Scrubs
"Lonnie needs a central line, you want me to help Mrs. London"
Scrubs
"and every patient in this dump"
Scrubs
"looks at me for some miracle cure."
Scrubs
"I mean, honestly, Carla, with Jehovah as my witness,"
Scrubs
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