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Clips from The Mighty Boosh - The Chokes (S03E03)

"- I don't know. What is that? - Me as Hamlet. You didn't know about that."
The Mighty Boosh
"You've never actually played Hamlet."
The Mighty Boosh
"You knocked that up at the photocopy centre. It's just bizarre."
The Mighty Boosh
"I thought in your number-one dream you had a boxing glove on your head and a minge."
The Mighty Boosh
"OK, it's in my top four. Please."
The Mighty Boosh
"You were the genie. You froze in your gold trousers. Mr. Freeze we called you."
The Mighty Boosh
"You got bottled of by Year 9. The headmaster got you in a headlock."
The Mighty Boosh
"That was years ago. I can act any time. Just watch me."
The Mighty Boosh
"You can't act when other people are in the room."
The Mighty Boosh
"A cheese plant can send you into a panic."
The Mighty Boosh
"I don't freeze any more. That was when I was a young boy."
The Mighty Boosh
"Oh. There aren't any auditions."
The Mighty Boosh
"Oh. OK."
The Mighty Boosh
"- You'd better not do that tonight. - That was a joke. I was joking with you."
The Mighty Boosh
"Hey, Vincey, I've just been on the internet."
The Mighty Boosh
"Let's do it. Let's go, baby."
The Mighty Boosh
"Howard?"
The Mighty Boosh
"Yeah, I see what you mean. The thing about acting, Howard, it's about motivation."
The Mighty Boosh
"the time I was most angry."
The Mighty Boosh
"Mr. De Beauvois, your conduct this evening has been intolerable."
The Mighty Boosh
"- Thanks for that, Naboo. - Don't mention it."
The Mighty Boosh
"I did a bit of acting once."
The Mighty Boosh
"- Ah, top of the evening to you. - Hi."
The Mighty Boosh
"- What can I get for you, fella? - I'll just have a whisky, please."
The Mighty Boosh
"Looks like you've got the weight of the world on your shoulders."
The Mighty Boosh
"Know what I do when I'm down in the dumps?"
The Mighty Boosh
"- Just get a whisky, please. - Coming right up."
The Mighty Boosh
"- What's wrong? - I was all set to go on stage,"
The Mighty Boosh
"a big-shot director was gonna be there, but I can't act. I just..."
The Mighty Boosh
"I just can't act!"
The Mighty Boosh
"- Yes, that wasn't great, was it? - I freeze up, you know? I've got stage fright."
The Mighty Boosh
"Many a fine actor sufered from the chokes."
The Mighty Boosh
"John Gielgud, Richard Harris, Peter O'Toole. All sufered from the chokes."
The Mighty Boosh
"I remember talking to Gielgud about it. He was furious with himself."
The Mighty Boosh
"- You've actually met Gielgud? - He was my understudy for a year, the bitch."
The Mighty Boosh
"You're Paul Weller."
The Mighty Boosh
"No, the next one along."
The Mighty Boosh
"- Bruce Foxton? - The next portrait along."
The Mighty Boosh
"You disappeared, though. What happened?"
The Mighty Boosh
"I prepared for it for months, but I was pipped to the post by another actor."
The Mighty Boosh
"- Monty, I've got an idea. - Hm?"
The Mighty Boosh
"No, no, no. I don't do that any more. Thank you, but, no, no, no."
The Mighty Boosh
"I suppose Sammy will be getting ready to go on stage now."
The Mighty Boosh
"No! No, Sammy!"
The Mighty Boosh
"He was the one I lost the part to, the one who ran of with my wife."
The Mighty Boosh
"Oh, there's not a day goes by when I don't want to kill Sammy,"
The Mighty Boosh
"- Now, instructions say don't go over level 10. - OK."
The Mighty Boosh
"But the gig starts in an hour, so I'm going to take you to level 42."
The Mighty Boosh
"All right. Do it, Bollo."
The Mighty Boosh
"Oh, yeah. Come on. Feel it."
The Mighty Boosh
"Bollo, can you stop pretending to be Mark King and make my legs thin?"
The Mighty Boosh
"- Sorry. - Dickhead."
The Mighty Boosh
"It's not easy being an actor. Sometimes you'll have to act for 30, 35 minutes in one go."
The Mighty Boosh
"- Do you think you have what it takes? - Yes."
The Mighty Boosh
"- Do you? - Yes."
The Mighty Boosh
"- Do you want it? - I want it."
The Mighty Boosh
"- How is that possible? - Not sure."
The Mighty Boosh
"Now, first things first. What the hell is this?"
The Mighty Boosh
"- We need appropriate acting attire. Tights. - Tights."
The Mighty Boosh
"Now, Howard, as an actor, you'll need to summon up emotions as quick as a beam."
The Mighty Boosh
"OK? I'm going to fire a few at you now."
The Mighty Boosh
"Ecstasy. MDMA."
The Mighty Boosh
"Joy. Jealousy."
The Mighty Boosh
"- Did you break my ladder? - No, not with your mouth, with your nose!"
The Mighty Boosh
"Tell me a story with your nose."
The Mighty Boosh
"Who the fuck is John Simm?"
The Mighty Boosh
"John Simm."
The Mighty Boosh
"Lesson 49, object animation."
The Mighty Boosh
"You try. Come on!"
The Mighty Boosh
"You're an actor now, and I'm as hard as the cobra."
The Mighty Boosh
"Mighty cobra."
The Mighty Boosh
"OK, Howard. This is your audience."
The Mighty Boosh
"Give them a little blast of Hamlet, dear boy."
The Mighty Boosh
"Use the skills I've taught you. Howard?"
The Mighty Boosh
"Oh, there's nothing for it. I'm going to have to take them from you."
The Mighty Boosh
"Pain!"
The Mighty Boosh
"And stick a French banger of acting up Sammy's arse, the little pink shit."
The Mighty Boosh
"- Thank you. - Go, boy."
The Mighty Boosh
"Obviously he had a physical advantage, but you should've seen my crab."
The Mighty Boosh
"Fucking marvellous."
The Mighty Boosh
"I will get into those drainpipes. I will."
The Mighty Boosh
"- You're not on it. - This is a joke you're playing on me."
The Mighty Boosh
"- How am I supposed to know that? - Thank you."
The Mighty Boosh
"Hey, Moon."
The Mighty Boosh
"Wait! You can't walk. It's a good five minutes and you've got to lose the weight."
The Mighty Boosh
"You can go on the bill next week if you want."
The Mighty Boosh
"Jurgen's here tonight and tonight only. I've missed my chance."
The Mighty Boosh
"He's gotta sing and wear pants. He doesn't need you bumming him out. Now, giddy-up."
The Mighty Boosh
"Please welcome the Mayor of Camden, Vince Noir."
The Mighty Boosh
"You've heard of Oxford Circus."
The Mighty Boosh
"Let me introduce you to the opening act. This guy used to be a tennis umpire,"
The Mighty Boosh
"but he's given that up now to pursue his dream of becoming a folk legend."
The Mighty Boosh
"Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together and welcome onto the stage"
The Mighty Boosh
"the Umpire of Folk!"
The Mighty Boosh
"♪ I tied her in my twisted beard"
The Mighty Boosh
"♪ We walked among the standing stones"
The Mighty Boosh
"♪ So we stopped for lemon barley drinks"
The Mighty Boosh
"Big-time avant-garde director coming through."
The Mighty Boosh
"The reason I sacked you, Sammy, was because of the drinking."
The Mighty Boosh
"- Yeah, I was drinking a little bit. - I had to do it. You assaulted me."
The Mighty Boosh
"...and posted it to me. It is not funny. - It's quite funny."
The Mighty Boosh
"- I will be watching tonight. - Whoopee."
The Mighty Boosh
"- I want to talk to you about my latest project. - Bye. Fucking tit."
The Mighty Boosh
"Ladies and gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure to present to you"
The Mighty Boosh
"with magic from around the world."
The Mighty Boosh
"Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for Naboo the Enigma."
The Mighty Boosh
"- You don't mind sharing with Sammy? - Not a problem."
The Mighty Boosh
"- I think he's just making a call. - Fucking Goths everywhere."
The Mighty Boosh
"Hey, if Sammy's looking a bit sluggish, pop a couple of Berocca into his tank, will you?"
The Mighty Boosh
"Are you fucking getting it, you dickhead?"
The Mighty Boosh
"Oh. Oh, the taste. Ah!"
The Mighty Boosh
"Sword of terror number one, please."
The Mighty Boosh
"Number two."
The Mighty Boosh
"And the final sword, please, Bollo."
The Mighty Boosh
"Vincey, we are in some deep diarrhoea. Sammy the Crab just went to nutball village!"
The Mighty Boosh
"- Don't panic. Just put the Blue McEnroes on. - Well, I would, but Sammy killed 'em all!"
The Mighty Boosh
"Listen, the crowd is baying for an actor."
The Mighty Boosh
"- Hello? Howard Moon. - Hey, it's Vince."
The Mighty Boosh
"Sammy's gone mad. He's mutilated everyone. We need an actor. Can you come down?"
The Mighty Boosh
"Sammy! Sammy! Sammy!"
The Mighty Boosh
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