Loading...
You're not connected to the Internet. Please check your connection.

Clips from Veep - Nicknames (S01E01)

"No,no,no,no,no."
Veep
"I'm sorry, ma'am, but you have drawn the fat straw."
Veep
"and now he gives me obesity."
Veep
"My God. I'll tell you something else, too."
Veep
"The President knows how uncomfortable I am made"
Veep
"You want to know the secret to keeping weight off?"
Veep
"Shut your fucking pie hole."
Veep
"How about that? It's not rocket science."
Veep
"I'm not a nutritionist, am I?"
Veep
"You've got to put the corndog down,"
Veep
""Get moving" might actually be a good slogan for this damn thing."
Veep
""I'm the Vice President of the United States. Put the cupcake down.""
Veep
"That's now my job?"
Veep
"AMY: I... It's..."
Veep
"AMY: Have you ever had a weight problem?"
Veep
"You know, democracy is fantastic, but it is also fucking dull."
Veep
"Selina does not even have to be here."
Veep
"Oh, my God. Is she falling asleep?"
Veep
"No, she cannot fall asleep on live TV."
Veep
"Come on, come on, come on, come on."
Veep
"Are you really waving? She cannot see you through the TV."
Veep
"Most of us learn that when we're four."
Veep
"-(PHONE RINGING) -No, she's not gonna fall asleep."
Veep
"No, Clive, no."
Veep
"She is not falling asleep."
Veep
"No, it is just very warm down there."
Veep
"-Whoa, head jerk. Just head jerked. -Okay."
Veep
"MIKE: Are you sure you set this meeting for 8:00 am. today?"
Veep
"I'm adding more clothes, Mike."
Veep
"Clean Jobs almost ready for liftoff, right?"
Veep
"I do think that we can start the countdown."
Veep
"-Okay, well, get your spacesuits on. -(ALL LAUGHING)"
Veep
"Speaking of spacesuits, I met Buzz Aldrin at a book signing."
Veep
"You know what really freaks those guys out?"
Veep
"-Good morning. -Morning, ma'am."
Veep
"You have one community college meeting this afternoon."
Veep
"-ls that it? -Yes."
Veep
"Okay, wait a minute. What happens if you scroll down?"
Veep
"(TAPPING KEY QUICKLY)"
Veep
"How about if you scroll up?"
Veep
"What's he for?"
Veep
"Mike's your 8:00."
Veep
"We're talking about your speech for the Fire Fighters' Association tonight."
Veep
"-Hey, where is Dan? -I have been trying him all morning."
Veep
"-He's not been picking up. -I don't like that."
Veep
"Probably sending photos of his dick to himself."
Veep
"So here's what I'm thinking. We need to open with a funny joke."
Veep
"into which I would like to pepper, like, five zingers."
Veep
"-No problemo. McLintock gold. -Okay. Good."
Veep
"I thought for the opener we'd do a little self-deprecating joke"
Veep
"-about your snooze in the Senate. -No."
Veep
"-Want to hear it? -No."
Veep
"Okay. Yeah, it doesn't matter."
Veep
"-Okay, here you go, first home run. -Mmm-hmm."
Veep
"”Firefighters have a passion for their work."
Veep
"Is that even a joke?"
Veep
"Ladders, obviously germane to the firefighting business."
Veep
"You go, ”Firefighters are always climbing ladders,"
Veep
"”and in politics you're always...”"
Veep
"And this, I don't even know what I wrote, but it's basically"
Veep
"you're taking steps to"
Veep
"get somewhere but without a ladder..."
Veep
"Yeah, this is not making me laugh at all."
Veep
"We'll bring that one back when it's ready."
Veep
"Okay, ”Fire safety guy asked me the other day,”"
Veep
"and this is your voice, ”'Do I smoke in bed?‘"
Veep
"”And I said, We never had any complaints.”' (CHUCKLES)"
Veep
"Too shock? Too shock?"
Veep
"I was not in my own apartment last night. I just... I overslept."
Veep
"Okay, having a massive stroke is an excuse for coming in late to this office."
Veep
"-I didn't even think you'd be here. -Why?"
Veep
"There's the briefing on the fiscal responsibility bill at the White House."
Veep
"I just assumed you'd be there."
Veep
"I wasn't invited. What?"
Veep
"Right now."
Veep
"He did this with the defense budget briefing two weeks ago."
Veep
"-You get a gag on top of... -Mike!"
Veep
"Why didn't I know about this?"
Veep
"I'm going. They can't keep me out of there."
Veep
"GARY: Hey, ma'am, I'm right here. Can I get you something?"
Veep
"Good."
Veep
"SELINA: Hi, guys."
Veep
"-Fiscal responsibility. -It's ridiculous."
Veep
"Not one of those guys has paid for their own lunch in like a decade."
Veep
"I think I made a big point by being there."
Veep
"-Big point. -I was breathing really heavily, though."
Veep
"Bob Lewis has got emphysema. Sounds like a broken-down leaf blower."
Veep
"-He does. -(LOW GROWLING)"
Veep
"That is an actually uncanny impression of him."
Veep
"-Madam Vice President. -Yeah?"
Veep
"-Oh, hi, Jonah. -Hey, Jonah."
Veep
"You coming to see us?"
Veep
"Oh, no. I had to take a personal hour."
Veep
"I have a nutritionist appointment."
Veep
"But I'm fructose intolerant."
Veep
"-Fructose? -Fruit sugars."
Veep
"-Well, good luck with all that. -Thank you."
Veep
"Just when you thought he couldn't get any weirder, he did."
Veep
"My God."
Veep
"Oh, sorry about earlier. I thought you were in the chair."
Veep
"I need a coffee."
Veep
"Here's the deal."
Veep
"The President is avoiding me."
Veep
"I need some good, solid White House intel on this."
Veep
"-Yup, the Whitegeist. -Right."
Veep
"-Okay, please, please. -Okay. Okay."
Veep
"I'm gonna check and see if this fireman thing tonight is getting mentioned anywhere."
Veep
"My nicknames?"
Veep
"There's just some nicknames that it's necessary"
Veep
"for us to search on to kind of pick up on blog coverage."
Veep
"-But, I mean, like what? -Okay."
Veep
"There's one that has to do with the legislation you did"
Veep
"to support women breast feeding in public."
Veep
"-Like that. -Wait. Are there others?"
Veep
"Oh, really? Okay."
Veep
"Dickless van Dyke, Tawdry Hepburn,"
Veep
"Pissface? Huh?"
Veep
"No, not that one."
Veep
"VaSelina, Betty Poop."
Veep
"People attack you because they think you're beautiful and you're smart."
Veep
Show more clips