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Clips from The Good Place - Category 55 Emergency Doomsday Crisis (S01E01)

"so he wanted to give you all a little treat."
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"It somehow tastes how I felt when my cell phone was fully charged."
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"You know what, Gunnar, why don't you go ahead?"
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"- Can I have some Folded Laundry? - Coming up."
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"I was at the frozen yogurt place and I didn't know what I wanted,"
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"so I turned to the guy behind me, and I was like,"
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"and the least pain and suffering."
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"Shockingly, that is a relevant example of the Utilitarian dilemma. Well done."
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"Tahani's doing a brunch party and I want to get there"
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""Interestingly...""
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"We can start another lesson."
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"Actually, I was going to head into town and pick up some..."
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"that I have blankets, so I'm going to take a nap"
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"using the several blankets that I already have. Good night."
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"When I told a boyfriend something was "no big deal,""
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"What is wrong?"
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"Oh, well done, my love."
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"and its mistreatment of these defenseless animals."
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"I grew tired of objective representation. I trust my audience."
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"- What's wrong? What's wrong? - Nothing's wrong. Nothing's wrong?"
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"- Would you stop doing that? - What's wrong? What's wrong?"
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"I spend all day teaching Eleanor."
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"You know, and I can't stop helping you,"
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"or Janet... A magical assistant who can get you whatever you want."
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"How can I be over it? We haven't discussed it or even spoken for days."
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"She's a world-class painter, social activist, iconoclast,"
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"Thank you guys so much."
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"I was a marriage counselor."
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"pretending to be someone they're not."
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"I say we do it."
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"So how much of that did you hear?"
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"in non-verbal communication, and it is clear..."
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"Eleanor, why don't you--"
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"Well, everyone else might be okay staying inside, but I wanted to help."
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"Sinkhole. Funny, no?"
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"And when I got here, and Michael said I would"
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"Did it work?"
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"It's got some very sensitive material."
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"Plus some song lyrics I've been working on,"
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"There is one issue, however."
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"They have, um, spelled your name incorrectly in the will."
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"You've got to be kidding me."
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"Oh, I'm sorry that I looked at the rankings, Michael."
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"by helping us fix the sinkhole."
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"The sinkhole has begun to repair itself."
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"This is a theoretical fantasy."
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"This morning, out of the blue, it just..."
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"It just closed over."
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"Good afternoon, Eleanor. What can I get you today?"
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"Whoa! Lot of new flavors."
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"Michael felt bad about the sinkhole,"
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"I recommend "Full Cell Phone Battery.""
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"Whoa!"
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"Oh, I'm so relaxed."
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"But they all look good. This might take me a while."
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"- Thanks so much, Eleanor. - Mmm-hmm."
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"- What can I get you, Gunnar? - Hi, Janet."
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"Chidi!"
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"You'll never believe it."
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""Why don't you go ahead?""
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"Just like that! "Why don't you go ahead?""
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"- Okay... - Dude, you don't understand!"
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"I never did stuff like that when I was on Earth."
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"But now, thanks to your "good person" lessons,"
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"I didn't hold up the line."
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"I didn't even try a dozen samples I didn't want"
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"just to spite some jerk who told me I was holding up the line."
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"- You do that? - No, Chidi, I used to do that."
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"Now I do selfless things without even thinking about it."
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"- So where's our yogurt? - I forgot it."
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"Oh... Can you go? I don't want to go all the way back."
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"I ran all the way here and it was so hot."
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"I mean, I will happily get it, because I told you I would."
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"Good person."
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"So, to sum up, Utilitarianism posits that the correct choice"
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"is the one that causes the most good or pleasure,"
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"I like this one. It's simple."
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"- why didn't you start with this one? - Ah, but here's the problem."
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"If all that matters is the sum total of "goodness,""
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"then you can justify any number of bad actions,"
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"like torturing one innocent person to save a hundred,"
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"or preemptive war..."
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"Oh, dude, I get it."
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"It's like, I knew this girl Sheila..."
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"She was a black market alligator dealer with a pierced jawbone."
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"Um... Okay, what?"
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"Sheila was gonna get married to my boy, Donkey Doug"
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"and make him move to Sarasota."
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"It would've broken up my whole break dancing crew"
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"and Donkey Doug was our best pop-and-locker."
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"So I hid a bunch of stolen boogie boards in Sheila's garage and called the cops."
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"I framed one innocent gator dealer to save a 60-person dance crew."
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"Thanks! Um..."
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"- Uh, yes, Jianyu? - Can I be excused?"
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"before all the mini-waffles run out."
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"- Go ahead, man. - Yes!"
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"So, you want to roll right into another lesson?"
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"I am revved up to learn, man. My brain is horny!"
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"Um... Can we take a little break?"
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"I've been standing at this chalkboard all day."
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"Oh, yeah, I get it."
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"Oh, you could, um, grade my paper I wrote on the concept of dharma."
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"Six pages, and I didn't even do that thing"
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"where I try to make it longer by starting every sentence with"
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"Sure, I'll do that and, uh..."
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"Ah! Tahani."
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"I've been working on my Western Hemisphere brunch banter."
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"Tell me what you think."
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"That New Yorker article was crazy."
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"You haven't seen Hamilton?"
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"Hey, did you hear about Stephanie?"
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"- Very well done, Michael. - Hi, there!"
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"We have a Category 55 Emergency Doomsday Crisis."
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"- A Category 55 Emergency Doomsday Crisis? - Mmm-hmm."
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"Sorry, what is a Category 55 Emergency Doomsday Crisis?"
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"Tahani, dear, could you show us to a private room"
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"where no one can see or hear us, even if I yell very loudly out of fear?"
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"It appears that the sinkhole is not repairing itself."
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"This is very bad, Janet."
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"We have to go into the sinkhole and fix it by hand."
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