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Clips from American Dad! - Jack's Back (S04E04)

"- Roger, you can't- - Hayley, it's Roger."
American Dad!
"If you want your form signed, you're gonna have to play along."
American Dad!
"[Sighs] Fine, Mr. Calhoun. I'll get right on it."
American Dad!
"Great. And after that, you can clean my pants up..."
American Dad!
"Google it."
American Dad!
"Ow! Thanks a lot, Dad!"
American Dad!
"- [Phone Ringing] - Oh, hi, Steve. You're in jail?"
American Dad!
"Oh, real jail? Don't let anyone tag you!"
American Dad!
"I'm just visiting. Look, I'm sorry I lied, but there's someone you need to talk to."
American Dad!
"I heard you tell Mom you didn't know where Grandpa was..."
American Dad!
"so I used the Internet to find him."
American Dad!
"I also found a recipe for pumpkin flan that will melt in your mouth."
American Dad!
"I'll melt in your mouth. Uh, I'm sorry."
American Dad!
"So bad at introductions. I'm Michael."
American Dad!
"Are we in an M. Night Shyamalan movie?"
American Dad!
"It's not what you think, Son. I've changed."
American Dad!
"He's innocent, Dad. And he's gonna prove it at his trial next week."
American Dad!
"If I live that long."
American Dad!
"- [Weeping] - That's an old accomplice of mine."
American Dad!
"So, your wicked ways caught up with you."
American Dad!
"Yes. And now, those wicked ways are gonna grab me from behind..."
American Dad!
"shove me to the floor, and break in my rump like a new baseball glove."
American Dad!
"Right in front of the kid. That's nice."
American Dad!
"This is a chance for you two to reconnect."
American Dad!
"Let's bail him out and let him stay with us until the trial."
American Dad!
"Maybe a game of catch. Taking me to my first prostitute."
American Dad!
"Scolding me when I fall in love with aforementioned prostitute. Bowling."
American Dad!
"Hi. I just wanted to say hello."
American Dad!
"I'm the warden, Sanjay Budapar."
American Dad!
"- Dad, this is gonna be great. - Steve, let's be realistic."
American Dad!
"Last time I saw my dad, he stole my car and left me stranded."
American Dad!
"Dad, he's changed. I took my measure of him..."
American Dad!
"- and I'm satisfied that he's a good and decent man. - [Engine Starts]"
American Dad!
"- What are you doing? - He was making a break for it!"
American Dad!
"Yeah, Dad. Geez!"
American Dad!
"Oh, great."
American Dad!
"Now it's making a black tinkle out of the "hoozy whater"."
American Dad!
"Frannie, the meat loaf is delicious."
American Dad!
"I think it's delicious too. What about you, Dad?"
American Dad!
"Do you share the opinion of the other Smith men?"
American Dad!
"Fine. Put on this tracking device."
American Dad!
"You get more than 50 feet away from me, you're going back to jail."
American Dad!
"Talkin' about changin'. Shut up."
American Dad!
"Hey, what do fathers and sons do? Hey, hey."
American Dad!
"What about that prostitute idea somebody floated earlier? That sounds interesting."
American Dad!
"You know, it could be. Let's-Let's not rule it out."
American Dad!
"Why don't you go camping? Think of the male bonding opportunities."
American Dad!
"Fishing, hiking- Ooh! You could make spaetzle by the fire."
American Dad!
"- That's a great idea. - What's the point?"
American Dad!
"- Spaetzle. - Uh, I don't know what that is."
American Dad!
"But s'mores sound really good."
American Dad!
"It was my idea. I own camping. If you don't make spaetzle, you can't go camping."
American Dad!
"Just tell him you're gonna make spaetzle. He's not gonna know."
American Dad!
"No! It's the principle. We're going camping, and we're not making spaetzle!"
American Dad!
"- Looks like they're going camping. - Yeah, I know. So?"
American Dad!
"- I'm looking for a Roger Smith. - Hayley!"
American Dad!
"- I don't believe we've met. - Constance Mathers."
American Dad!
"I'm from the Occupational Safety and Health Administration."
American Dad!
"You also must stop threatening to not sign her internship form."
American Dad!
"- And if I refuse? - Then I will shut you down so fast, your head will spin."
American Dad!
"- You said a swear. - Yeah-Wait. You're real?"
American Dad!
"Dad, look at the awesome latrine Grandpa just dug."
American Dad!
"He had his chance at my poop when I was in diapers."
American Dad!
"If he didn't want it then, he doesn't get it now."
American Dad!
"All right. Car's packed. Time to go."
American Dad!
"But we've been here barely an hour."
American Dad!
"Just pull! Pull on the fish rope!"
American Dad!
"Get your net out. Don't give up! That-a-boy."
American Dad!
"I mean, it was a father-son trip, so if you had been there, it would've ruined everything."
American Dad!
"- I'm sorry. - I'll tell you, the old man really surprised me."
American Dad!
"- Look what we found, Son. - A trip we can all take next summer."
American Dad!
"until after Grandpa's trial tomorrow."
American Dad!
"Mom, he's innocent. But even if he gets railroaded..."
American Dad!
"he won't go away for long, 'cause the judge'll go easy on him..."
American Dad!
"- Character reference? - Yeah."
American Dad!
"If you swear he's a changed man, the judge will have to believe you."
American Dad!
"You're a government agent. [Chuckles]"
American Dad!
"It was all Grandpa's idea."
American Dad!
"I knew it! You're using us!"
American Dad!
"What? No! Come on."
American Dad!
"You haven't changed a bit. You're still the same selfish bastard..."
American Dad!
"who never taught me how to ride that stupid, rusty old bike that's cluttering up my garage!"
American Dad!
"I think we need a little comic relief in here. Where's Roger?"
American Dad!
"- Dad, Grandpa's changed. - Steve, don't be an idiot. He's conning you."
American Dad!
"Or Klaus. Maybe he could say a funny German word."
American Dad!
"Tomorrow, I'm hauling your ass to court, and then I want you the hell out of our lives!"
American Dad!
"You may well have lost a son too."
American Dad!
"Well... did I, or didn't I?"
American Dad!
"You may well have!"
American Dad!
"- Spaetzle! - Roger!"
American Dad!
"- [Watch Beeping] - Oh! Quitting time."
American Dad!
"- Hello. - [Gasps]"
American Dad!
"That's Constance Mathers. Where did you get this picture?"
American Dad!
"Her meddling was making Roger's employees think they didn't have to do any work..."
American Dad!
"It is already done."
American Dad!
"- This isn't over. - You're out of your league!"
American Dad!
"You know what? Those look heavy. You better use this."
American Dad!
"- Grandpa. - [Yells]"
American Dad!
"I came to say good-bye. You're a changed man now..."
American Dad!
"and if my dad won't accept that, then I can't live here anymore."
American Dad!
"- You know, Steve- - Don't try to stop me."
American Dad!
"Stop you? I want to go with you."
American Dad!
"Really? But what about your trial?"
American Dad!
"They're gonna railroad me in court tomorrow."
American Dad!
"So I might as well go on the run. Oh, darn."
American Dad!
"If only we knew where your dad keeps the key."
American Dad!
"I know where my dad keeps the key."
American Dad!
"It's in the fake lock under his mattress."
American Dad!
"Yeah. We'll be a couple of tough guy fugitives on the lam."
American Dad!
"One of whom almost forgot his inhaler. Excuse me."
American Dad!
"No! No, I just came back from the reading of Constance Mathers's will."
American Dad!
"Guess who got screwed. Anyone want this Edie Brickell "cassingle"?"
American Dad!
""The Land of Men." What-What is that?"
American Dad!
"This is great! My first dive bar."
American Dad!
"My dad would never take me to a place like this."
American Dad!
"Yeah. Your dad has a different way of doing things."
American Dad!
"Yeah, a sucky way. I'm having so much fun."
American Dad!
"I wish my dad was more like you."
American Dad!
"[Scoffs] You're the only role model I need."
American Dad!
"Ah. What a long night of killing people who don't deserve it."
American Dad!
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